Monstrosities

Well, I for one am eagerly looking forward to the ‘Lab’ expansion for WizKids HorrorClix game. For one thing it will be adding a lot of classic scifi horror tropes to the game; Greys, Men In Black, Mad Doctors, but also it will be adding More Zombies!

Zombie patients, irradiated, you name it and more zombies is always a good thing. I finlly understand now some of the addiction factor of the Clix games. I’ve gone out of my way on line to track down this or that figure I would need to complete an army. It has taken up a whole lot more of my time and interest then I thought it inititally would.

Plus the game aspect of HorrorClix is just flat out fun. Loopy strategies, improbable armies fighting one another (we had a three way battle last week of the Undead vs. Cthulhians vs. Aliens (ala the movie)..the Undead won suprisingly) and odd ball twists and turns via the use of cards make for a really entertaining game.

Good times, good times.

My Profile

I was checking out this My Space style website and wrote up a profile for it. Here it is an enjoy.

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My kung-fu is undeniable and I am an outlaw in Peru. Even though I am a private citizen I receive fan mail. I once single handedly fought off a ship load of pirates while wearing a dashing tuxedo. I was asked to lead a small European country that I had never been to, I had to turn them down because it would have taken time away from my lunar mission. I am beloved by children and the elderly. I am both radioactive and invisible to modern radar. I am made of an indestructible titanium alloy yet still have the delicious fragrance of baked bread. I am difficult to spot with the unaided eye. I have the hoary powers of the occult, while still being a master of countless scientific disciplines. I both walk the walk AND talk the talk. I have won countless world shuffleboard championships and have grown county fair winning radishes. The wikipedia entry about me is written in ancient Sumerian and is the topic of endless scholarly debate. I once rocked out so hard it destabilized the orbit of the ISS. On quiet mornings I re-invent forms of teleportation. People on the street ask for my autograph for no apparent reason. I receive critical acclaim yet remain a humble man of the people.

More reasons to love Masters of Horror

Ok, Masters of Horror has been at best, a mixed bag. Some of the stories have been lame, some of the effects in various shows more so. I know, I know. But some of it has been great, when running on all cylinders it has been haunting.

As any good horror story should be; scary, werid, off-putting. I love the IDEA of Masters of Horror, take the best in the biz, let’em go. But the realization has, at times, been less that realized.

Dissapointing for sure, but unforgivable? Not hardly. When MoH works it really works, the trouble is these directors are working on cheap budgets on a brief filming timetable in Vancouver. There is only so much they can do there. They try, some succede, others…not so much. Still even their stabs at it are fun.

You have to look at MoH as a sort of EC comics in the visual medium. It is horror cotton candy, take it as such and enjoy it that way. I do.

Just don’t let the elephants stomp you on the way out of the tent.

Some thoughts on Jericho

[ Listening to Alice in Chains Currently: Listening to Alice in Chains ]
Jericho depicts life in Kansas…kinda.

An idealized Kansas. Where people are decent or at least understanble to one other. The real Kansas, even small town Kansas not so much.

What Jericho doesn’t get is people here (in the ‘fly over states’ yeah we hate you frakkers to) are much like people everywhere. Same hates, dreams and desires.

It is obviously a story about Kansas told by non-Kansans. Ambitions, tales, desires aren’t sl different from everywhere else. If there is a Kansas ‘tude, we are more quiet about them. We go about the business of our lives and none the wiser.

Jericho doesn’t quite get it. It gets it in so far as people outside of Kansas, the midwest think about us. Small and noble and all folksy.

That would be nice. But bigger city and small town Kansas have all the same hates, fears, troubles and tribulations as the rest of the country. Kansas is stereotyped as nothing-ville, empty of emotion aside from mom and pop and apple pie. That ain’t so.

Don’t fly over us, we have children in the corn, we can stop feeding you.We have strange and unholy powers given to us from the plains.

We breathe dust and drink from rivers saturated from cattle raising. Do not mess with us, you will starve.

Sweet, sweet blood

I’ve been gothing it on out lately, here is what I am listening to:

http://www.theshroud.com/

http://www.collide.net/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Switchblade_Symphony

Yup, chick goth bands. All 6’2" bald headed biker-looking of me, rocking it out to chick goth bands.

What the hell man, as The Cramps said, life is short and filled with stuff. It matches my mood recently, I’m not going to ask for forgiveness.

Jon Jhonzz

I just got done watching the latest Smallville and all I have to say is:

MARTIAN MANHUNTER

MARTIAN MANHUNTER

MARTIAN MANHUNTER

Frell yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love Martian Manhunter and I hope they make more use of him than Mr. Mysterioso ass whipper.

and might I add:

MARTIAN MANHUNTER!!!!!!!!!!

Kick frakking ass! The oreo cookie bit was a fan plus.

days gone by

[ Neutral Mood: Neutral ]
[ Listening to Chemlab Currently: Listening to Chemlab ]
I was talking to a friend of mine about forgotten writing projects. http//cthulhurose.livejournal.com and he reminded me of this story.

I read it and I thought, man, that was like it was written by someone else. Yeah, it was, me then, sort of alienated and feeling ten varieties of weird. Now I am down to six, and writing stuff like this:

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A Brief History of Danny

(Opening shot, a street in front of a Laundromat. A woman is walking along looking irritated)

Woman: I don’t want to talk about it!

Narrator: So you knew Danny. You knew who he was?

Woman (slamming open the door to the Laundromat): I knew him! He broke my fucking heart!

CREDITS

SHOT: A picture of a kid, we have voice over.

Narrator: Danny James, sometimes called the new Aliester Crowley, mystic, sometimes seer. Called by some a complete fraud. Even as a child, he was something of a stand out.

CUT TO: An older chubby woman.

Misty: Yeah, we knew Danny was somethin’ special; all them other kids followed him like he was the messiah or somethin’.

SHOT: Picture of young Danny surrounded by kids. He is holding some sort of idol; the other kids are bowing down around him.

CUT TO: Misty.

Misty: Yeah he was somethin’ special. He did somethin’ to my tamaters!

SHOT: Misty standing behind a tomato the size of a truck tire with a blue ribbon pinned on it.

CUT TO: Misty

Misty: It was free beers at the Tap that night.

SHOT: Misty holding a huge mug of beer, others drunk around her.

MISTY (looking a little tearful): He was a special boy.

Narrator (over the shot): Yes, there was something special about Danny James.

SHOT: Young Danny baptizing some children in a river.

Narrator: Danny was marked early.

SHOT: Danny standing at communion, weirdly he is wearing a unicursal hexagram pendant around his neck.

CUT TO: Mama, she is a largish woman in an absolutely obnoxious living room. It has a Mexican bullfighter theme, think lots of red and tassels.

Mama: We knewed that Danny was special, all the trailer park knew. Danny done stopped that fire over at Betty’s trailer that one night. Stood in front of it, said somthin’ in foreigner and them fires done went out. We knew then he was a special boy.

SHOT: Mama holding up a picture of infant Danny, looking down at the corpse of a cat.

Mama: That cat got up and walked around for three days before Clancy shot him with a shotgun and burned him.

Mama-wipes her eyes, near tears.

Mama: Clancy said it was the Devil’s work. They found him dead with a bottle of Kentucky Gentleman days later.

SHOT: Clancy in a ditch, a fifth of something shoved down his throat. (Grainy newspaper photo)

Mama: Everybody left Danny alone after that.

Narrator: Danny was obviously a special boy, and cleared of any involvement in the murder.

SHOT: News clipping-Local Drunk Chokes On His Drink (headline)

CUT TO: Local Grocery Store, older guy behind counter (Raymond Huff).

Ray: Danny never stole nothing, though I suspected he got them other kids to do it for him. They always ran right out to him on the other side of the parking lot. GESTURES AND CAMERA FOLLOWS OUT THE FRONT WINDOW OF STORE-We see a parking lot with a tree line past it.

CUT TO: Ray behind the counter.

Ray: He was like that dang ol’ pied piper. He whistled, them kids went.

Ray wipes the counter.

Ray: Later, when he was older, everybody sold him beer even though we knowed he was under age. He had a way of sweet talkin’.

Ray looks away; we gather that he did it himself.

Ray: Somethin’ about Danny, yup, somethin’ about that boy.

CUT TO: Woman from Laundromat, in a seedy apartment.

OFF CAMERA QUESTIONER: You feel better enough to talk about it?

Woman: (sniffs) Yeah, yeah okay.

OFF CAMERA QUESTIONER: Can we get your name?

Woman: Loretta May Rickton. Folks and my mama call me Lo May. (She gathers herself, looking strangely pleased to be on camera, then thinks about her running mascara.) Gimmie a second I gots to make myself photographable. (she runs off camera, there is a blink of obvious edit and she is back)

Lo May: (sniffs again but is composed and with some serious make up going on) Danny used to call me his ‘little Chinese dish’. You know because of Lo May and lo mein…you know, it was funny like. (she smiles, tentatively)

SHOT: Lo May grabs a photo framed in some tacky wooden fashion. It shows her and an older Danny leaning next to an el camino.

Lo May: He used to call that his chariot. We was his servitors of the ‘riding god’ he called it. Danny loved driving and talking to people.

SHOT: Lo May puts the photo down and looks at it lovingly.

Lo May: He called me his shotgun seat goddess. I done laughed because it was so silly.

JUMP

Lo May: (obviously having been asked a question) Did I think he had some sort of ‘spiritual powers’. Of course I did. Everyone saw it. He gave his blessing to Tommy and he won’d that race down at Thunder Pit Run. We all knew he was somethin’ else. Knew…

Lo May breaks down crying again.

CUT TO: Seedy run down strip mall, liquor store, quickie mart, tanning salon, etc. etc.

Narrator: This was the stomping grounds of Danny, where he spent the last part of his life and eventually was shot down.

SHOT: Camera on parking spot.

Narrator: He bled to death here, trying to stop the robbery of the liquor store where he was going to buy a 12 pack for himself and…’Lo May’ (said somewhat disdainfully)

SHOT: Kid behind the counter.

Kid: My brother Tanker worked here when it happened. Tanker said these two guys came in and meant no good. Danny came in and looked right at one of them. Fixed him right in the eye and said ‘still’. No shit, Tanker said they guy stood like he was frozen. Danny gave the other guy some sort of eye that sent him to the back of the store.

SHOT: Kid shakes his head and rings a customer out.

Kid: Then Danny went and got his beer cool as it comes right, paid and went out. Tanker said the second the bell on the door rang, these guys ran at the counter. They pulled guns and held him up. The whole time Danny was standing outside just looking at them.

SHOT: Kid rings another customer out; the customer looks right into the camera (an old woman with a bottle of cheap gin) then walks out.

Kid: They came out blasting and gunned Danny down where he stood.

Narrator: (camera panning over a trailer park) So who was Danny? And even more…what?

SHOT: Camera finishes panning and fades into black.
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I don’t know if I feel any different.