Superstar Rajni supes it up

I’ve filed this post under "Bollywood" even though this technically isn’t about Bollywood, it’s about the Tamil film industry. Tamil films are largely indistinguishable from Hindi films, except for the weird script, the lower production values, and the second-hightest paid actor in Asia, Rajnikanth, a man so awesome that he’s typically credited in his films as "SUPERSTAR RAJNI."

He seems to be a sort of hybrid of Cheech Marin and Burt Reynolds, or maybe I just can’t get over that mustache.

I first heard about him when I saw this trailer for Sultan the Warrior, a CGI epic starring the computer-distilled screen persona of Superstar Rajni.

While D and Steve and I were stapling squids the other day, we watched his big comeback film from 1999, Padaiyappa, a film about how cool Superstar Rajni is. In every scene he is flanked by flunkies who do nothing but glare at the same things Superstar Rajni is glaring at, as if to prove that Superstar Rajni is every bit as awesome and popular as his first name would lead you to believe.

During musical numbers, Superstar Rajni’s face inexplicably morphs into random images.

Assuming that Padaiyappa is the cream of the Tamil crop, I think I might not watch a whole lot more. It doesn’t have the glitz and the beautiful people I’ve come to expect of Bollywood. But it does have all the length and convoluted narrative. If only I could fast-forward a little faster.

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A Few Words About Biden

Okay, I lost the "who’s going to be the Veep" contest. Long before the insiders were whispering about Wesley Clark, I had determined that the Obama ticket needed a war hero who had spoken out about Iraq.

But that’s my own peace-hawk feelings about the race. Considering that the state of Iraq is now merely nightmarish instead of hellish, and considering that Obama might not even get us out of that damn sand-pit, this campaign probably won’t be the all-Iraq all the time show.

But I think the Biden choice is a work of genius.

Here’s my thinking. We all knew all along that the Veep would have to be a white guy. Now, I myself have voted for a presidential ticket devoid of white-guys (Socialist, 1992), but the part of me who was told in tremorous tones by Miss Lewis, the 1st/2nd-grade teacher, that good Christian white people would soon be a minority in this country (the best country BTW), feels a vertiginous barrier at the thought of no white-guys at all in the White House. I mean, c’mon, don’t you think we deserve at least one? Being a white-guy is all about deserving.

So that’s why Senator Clinton never had a shot at the Veep slot, even though she would have been a brilliant attack dog for the party, for the campaign, and the country in general. Biden though, has an attack-dog ability that’s nearly comparable to Ms.Clinton, and by that I mean that he’s willing to take some broad sweeps with that poisonous tongue of his. And unlike Clinton, he isn’t hated by every Rush-head in America. At least not yet.

But I’m not done yet! There’s more!

As you might have heard, there’s a horrible race problem in this country. That a black man was nominated by the Democratic Party (by the skin of his teeth), says some great things about how far we’ve come.

But let’s not forget the 30% of hate. 30% of the population, any population, is going to be vicious, hateful assholes. It was 30% who elected Hitler. It was 30% who elected Bush, and it’s 30% who support him now. Every election comes down to mobilizing the hateful 30% against the 30% of tolerance, and getting the 30% of swing-vote-apathy to make up their minds.

Do you recall the national elections of 2004, where the Republicans swept the congressional races? It’s because many states had ballot initiatives regarding gay marriage. The 30% of hate frothed over this. Essentially every mega-church hate-monger in the country showed up at the polls to put the wrath of God down on those gays. And while they were in the booth, they just happened to vote Republican.

Remember, love is all fine and dandy, but hate always wins in the end. Think of it this way: It takes twenty years of unbroken love to raise a good kid, and only a couple minutes to beat them to death in a back alley.

Obama can’t do anything about the 30% of hate. He should just write them off. You can’t make Americans better people. His secret so far has been to mobilize and inspire the 30% of tolerance to a degree we have never seen before. That just might, maybe, cancel out the advantage the 30% of hate will give the Republicans at the polls in November.

The race is going to come down to the 30% swing-vote-apathy block.

And that’s where Biden comes in.

Remember that comment Biden made, back at the beginning of the campaign, the one that’s hardly mentioned by the media right now? You know, how Obama is all "Clean, bright, and articulate?" It wasn’t a particularly hateful remark, simply the sort of patronizing petite racism familiar to all those Americans who’re upset about rap music.

By making Biden Veep, Obama has created a narrative of redemption. All those Americans who were unsure about a black-guy, who still haven’t got over the novelty, and have come to know Obama the same way they know the black guy in their office, they now have an image of someone who has gone through the same process.

Biden is the first penguin pushed off the iceberg. If the leopard seal doesn’t eat him, then the 30% swing-vote-apathy will see that it’s okay to like Obama.

Now let’s get our votes in on McCain, shall we? If he gets suckered into the identity politics game and nominates Secretary Rice, then he has partially neutralized his own great advantage with the 30% of hate, while tying himself to the albatross of the Bush administration.

I think he’s going to go for a party insider. A white-guy and a religious conservative. Someone who’s not a senator (there’s too many of those running around already), someone who’s young or at least young-looking, and someone who’s as rabid an attack dog that’s ever bitten a mailman.

Ralph Reed comes to mind, but a southern Republican governor is more likely. Someone like Jed Bush perhaps?

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3-D boobs

Why am I only hearing about this now?

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slushpile is clear

the space squid slushpile is now clear. this would be the time to submit if you want a prompt response.

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Space Squid at Dillocon

I guess I’m that lazy guy who doesn’t post con pictures for four days.

We’ll start with this issue’s SPACE SQUID release party, held at Bikinis Sports Bar, which registered about a 6.4 on the notorious scale.

Here’s some party goers standing around talking about how notorious the party is:

Squid contributor Patrice Sarath signs the issue for squid grrrl Joyce:

Mushroom Men fiction contest winner Aaron DaMommio signs Space Squids for his fans:

Editor D works the crowd:

Melissa Tyler models the ultra-rare Space Squid test shirt:

Squid friends Marian and Daud:

I kick off the second SPACE SQUID 15minute improv fiction contest:

Frantic fictionizing:

Bethe Bugbee represents for the Houston gang:

The audience is awed:

Paige Roberts defends her title with a story about Legolas and Frodo on a nude beach:

Our new improv fiction contest winner, Kevin Jewell, reads his story about a parallel world and muscle beach:

And since this is a con blog, let’s mention some things that don’t necessarily involve the SPACE SQUID party.

The workshop students, listening intently to the seminar:

In this series of photos, editor D displays his amazing talent of looking drunk in every shot, despite not actually drinking:



Here, editor D shows the diversity of his talent by posing next to Kim Kofmel and appearing to be on meth:

The highlight of the whole con, Jayme Lynn Blaschke takes over the ConDFW party and serves his intoxicating jalepeno mead:

M.K.Hobson reads the entirety of her sprawling fantasy decology.

There were also panels at this con, where all people did was sit in silence for an hour straight.

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Oh, Lordi, Lordi, Lordi

So I was watching this film with a friend of mine. We had acquired it through suspect channels, so we knew almost nothing about it.

It gradually became clear that it was an English language, European production, horror flick called "Dark Floors."

It had the richly-textured production values of something shot on location somewhere East of the iron curtain. There was an autistic child in a wheelchair, and a series of spooky images in a mysteriously abandoned hospital.

I thought I had it figured out as a moody Jacobs-Ladder-esque kinda horror film, where everything turns out to be an internalization of psychological trauma.

And then the monsters attacked.

They had leather jackets.

They were as out of place as hard-core sex in a Julia Roberts movie.

It stuck in my mind. I was sure that there was something about these monsters I was missing, so a month later I described the monsters to my co-worker Johnny Motard. From the description he was able to identify them:

These monsters are the Finnish metal band "Lordi." They are particularly famous for winning the Eurovision song contest and never appearing in public without the makeup.

You can get a good idea of what they’re about by watching their video "Would You Love a Monsterman," a song that I cannot get out of my head any more than I can get out the lyrics of another song of theirs that goes "The Devil is a loser, he’s my bitch."

I cannot say that Lordi is my new favorite band. Lordi is my new favorite anything.

They are more favorite than air. They are more favorite than the unqualified love of a child.

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Issue Six Update

Good news and bad news.

The good news is that Issue Six went over really well at Dillocon.

The bad news is that we got rid of nearly every issue. There’s about six still in the periodical stacks here at Quacks Bakery (@43rd&Duval), but that’s about it. There’s not enough to send out all the contributor copies.

You see we had 200 color covers printed up in the expensive, yet fast, photocopy method, so that we would have some for dillocon. The remaining 800 are whipped up through the 4-color printing process, which takes longer, but is much less expensive.

So expect the contributor copies to go out at the end of the week. We may very well have a PDF, or extensive JPGs of the issue up on the web by that time.

So hang in there, it’s happening.

Tonight I think I will tackle the slushpile and held stories.

For those who missed the Squid Party, there’s a lovely writeup over in Patrice Sarath’s blog.

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Space Squid Issue Six is Here!

We stapled it together at Dillocon. You can find it right now at the FreeTable at Dillocon, or at Quacks bakery. Or at the party this afternoon!

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Photos from a Minnesota Holiday

I got a break from this Texas heat last week and visited family up in beautiful Minnesota, where even in the heat of the day, it isn’t as hot as it is during the night here.

After some begging and whining, I got my Grandfather to take me to the Ax-Man surplus store in St.Paul. I have a memory of going there as a child, but now that I have a working knowledge of electronics I wanted to see it again.


Surrounded by bin after bin of electronic surplus bits, some of it clearly clipped off a circuitboard with pliers, I had a little guy-gasm. This store makes me want to move to the Twin Cities.

At the back of the store they have an old TV camera from a Duluth station:

Up at the family cabin I wallowed in homecooking. Here’s a blueberry pie made from freshly picked wild blueberries and a Danish rennet product called "Junket."

And where were these blueberries picked, you might ask? Somewhere in Minnesota. That’s all I’m allowed to tell you.

On the way back to Texas, I went through the Minneapolis/St.Paul Lindbergh terminal and stopped by the Senator Larry Craig(R) restroom. (it’s near the main food court, next to the "Royal Zeno" shoeshine shop)

Here are some ordinary Americans, unaware of how close they are to a vile den of anonymous gay sex.

Don’t ask, don’t tell.

Here I am, about to embark on a personal odyssey into the very heart of mind-blowing toilet-stall sex.

I had wondered how one could possibly have anonymous sexual liasons with gay men in an airport men’s room. But then I saw this restroom, which was clearly designed with homosexual dalliance in mind. The stalls are three dividing walls away from the entrance, and the facing wall is close enough to the stall doors to prevent people from seeing underneath. Which also discourages walk-throughs.

Also, there is loud, sexy music playing over the speakers to drown out moans and other tell-tale sounds (seriously, I am not making that up).

I can see how Senator Larry Craig(R) would have felt that this venue was private enough to allow public lewdness, but still risky enough to make the anonymous gay hanky-panky totally hot.

The Senator Larry Craig(R) toilet stall is the one with a bag under the door, second from the right.

I didn’t get to see inside the stall itself, because the person or persons using it were taking a very long time indeed.

And they didn’t make a sound.

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SPACE SQUID release party, this Saturday afternoon

SATURDAY, AUGUST 16th, 5pm-7pm, @BIKINIS SPORTS BAR

A big SPACE SQUID party! For the biggest SPACE SQUID issue yet!

We’ve scheduled it for the Saturday dinner break during Armadillocon, so don’t make those dinner plans yet. You’re going to want to take your dinner with the SPACE SQUID crew a block down from the Doubletree Hotel at BIKINIS SPORTS BAR!

Here’s what people are saying about BIKINIS SPORTS BAR:

"Women in degrading costumes spells M-O-N-E-Y" – Lawrence Person
"Isn’t that a health code violation?" – Cecil Clorox, original squid grrrl

But don’t take their word for it! See it for yourself!

There will be FREE Space Squids with a COLOR COVER! Enjoy some FREE APPETIZERS!* Drink some deliciously intoxicating regular-priced BEVERAGES!

And we will have an improv fiction contest with FABULOUS PRIZES!!**

SO HURRY ON DOWN THIS SATURDAY!!! YAAAAAAYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*in limited quantities
**books and videos we’re tired of; some rocks

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