{"id":356,"date":"2009-03-22T22:19:22","date_gmt":"2009-03-22T22:19:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.revolutionsf.com\/revblogs\/zombielapdance\/2009\/03\/22\/food-frakker-tweaking\/"},"modified":"2012-08-17T05:24:09","modified_gmt":"2012-08-17T05:24:09","slug":"food-frakker-tweaking","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.revolutionsf.com\/revblogs\/zombielapdance\/2009\/03\/22\/food-frakker-tweaking\/","title":{"rendered":"Food Frakker: Tweaking"},"content":{"rendered":"

Often I am asked the question: "Hey, Matthew Bey, how is it that you have the time to edit two sci-fi publications, publish regularly, blog and podcast incessantly, and still work your crappy blue-collar job?" <\/p>\n

There’s a simple answer to that: Drugs.<\/p>\n

Drawing from the world culture of mild stimulants, I find that I am almost always buzzed and ready to do business. Here’s some of the highlights of my pharmaceutical frakking:<\/p>\n

Canned coffee:
\n
\nWho needs to go to all the trouble of brewing fresh coffee, when the Eastern beverage tradition brings us so many pre-canned varieties? They’re already milked up and sweetened, taking all the guesswork out of flavoring your cup o’ Joe.<\/p>\n

Turkish Tea:
\n
\nCheap, bulky and sweet, nothing hits the spot like some piping-hot tea. It’s good to sip during those long afternoons at the laptop.<\/p>\n

Mate:
\n
\nToo Much Coffee Man magazine describes this as tasting like getting hit in the face with a sack of wet hay. And yes, I have my own mate straw or bombilla<\/span>.
\n
\nA German friend of mine says that this Argentinian drink is referred to the same way that we refer to quiche, as a shorthand for effeminate men. But it doesn’t keep me up the same way that coffee will, so it works well as an evening stimulant, for when I have something I want to get done before I go to sleep.<\/p>\n

Supari:
\n
\nThis concoction of betel nut from India is pre-packaged and flavored with menthol and saccharine. The nuts themselves are as hard to chew as steak bones. A larger sampling of supari yields similar results, hard to chew and hardly any buzz.
\n
\nTalking to the store clerk I got the impression that these supari pre-packages are meant more as breath freshener, sort of like these sugar-coated fennel and anise seeds:
\n
\nYeah, fuck you, Altoids. You’ve been replaced. Now my mouth smells like a Pakistani grocers.<\/p>\n

Much more chewy, the sweet supari in the pouch stimulates all the symptoms associated with the betel nuts sold by the betel nut beauties<\/a> of Taipei. Salivation and a goofy, almost imperceptible excitement, like smoking three American Spirits one after the other.
\n
\nThis is what I chew when I can barely stand up with fatigue, and I just want to lie down and watch Netflix instant viewing, but I know that there are really much more important things I ought to be doing. <\/p>\n

You’re supposed to accentuate the buzz by adding lime to it, but it’s not the lime you’re thinking, it’s calcium oxide. You know, the principle ingredient of cement.<\/p>\n

Personally, I’m not that eager for a buzz.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Often I am asked the question: "Hey, Matthew Bey, how is it that you have the time to edit two sci-fi publications, publish regularly, blog and podcast incessantly, and still work your crappy blue-collar job?" 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