Jodhaa Akbar
The big news is the release of "Jodhaa Akbar" the sweeping period-piece romance with Hrithik Roshan as the emperor of the Mughals. It came out here in Austin on the same day that it opened throughout India, and I dragged the GF down to the multiplex to suffer through it with me.
First off, we’re talking about a film that if it is to be seen, should be seen on the big screen. We’re talking about over three hours of eyecandy here. There’s lavish sets, giant battles with elephants, and plenty of processions with gaily-colored locals throwing flower petals. There’s also a fun scene where Hrithik fights an elephant with his bare hands.
The bad news is there is precious little in the way of singing and dancing. Throughout the excruciatingly-long running length of 205 minutes there’s only two real dance numbers. One is a soporific performance by some weird-looking whirling Dervishes, and the other is a surprisingly restrained spectacle celebrating the emperor gaining the honorific of "Akbar".
The director, Ashutosh Gowariker, is known best for another period piece, the cricket spectacle "Lagaan." Like it’s predecessor, "Jodhaa Akbar" has a surprising amount of commentary about the social and cultural state of India. It’s very hard to get a Bollywood movie made with any sort of a message. I presume this is because it’s very easy, politically speaking, to get a movie banned in India. Recently the film "Aaje Nachle" was banned in the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh because it had a single line in a single song that briefly mentioned the Dalit caste.
Indeed, there has been some controversy and censorship of "Jodhaa Akbar", but nothing that seems to have greatly affected its overall distribution. Oddly enough, most of the anger seems to be over the representation of the historical record.
Perhaps the cushion of time and the overall "we can all get along message" of "Jodhaa Akbar" allows it to get away with its brief licks of the third rail of religious conflict. Notably there’s also a near-pornographic sequence celebrating Indian cuisine. For most other Bollywood flicks out there, if it weren’t for the language and some of the clothes, you would hardly notice that you’re watching a movie from a different culture.
Dhoom 2
Hrithik Roshan was quoted as being relieved that he didn’t have to do any dancing in "Jodhaa Akbar", which is a crying shame, because he’s one of the best male dancers in the world. Here he is in the opening dance sequence of Dhoom 2, just before the GF started chanting in amazement "I didn’t know they made humans that good looking."
Hrithik is one of the clearest examples of nepotism in Bollywood, he mainly stars in films produced by his father, Rakesh Roshan, yet Hrithik has more abundantly clear star assets than any other actor in Mumbai. And by "assets" I mean his six-pack.
In Dhoom2, Hrithik plays an international antiquities thief who is also a master of disguise and extreme sports. It is in Dhoom2 that we learn what becomes abundantly clear in "Jodhaa Akbar", Hrithik looks kinda silly in facial hair.
This is as stylish and flashy an action movie as you’re ever likely to see, which is to say that every scene has a wildly improbable stunt or plot twist. Whether it’s fellow nepotism-justified actor Abishek Bachchan flying out of a river on a jetski, or Hrithik snowboarding behind a train, you will quickly lose track of how many times you exclaim "what the hell?"
Luckily everything and everyone is beautiful, or it would be a lot harder to watch.
Naach
A brief exposure to the song lyrics in "Naach" will teach you the Hindu word for "dance." It’s "naach" apparently.
Abishek Bachchan co-stars in this surpisingly stylistic rise to stardom film. He plays an aspiring actor who takes dance lessons from an aspiring dance choreographer. It’s good that has the role of a guy who’s not particularly good at dancing, because Abishek really isn’t particularly good at dancing. Through most of the movie he’s just sitting and staring with brooding intensity at co-star Antara Mali as she performs jaw-dropping modernist routines.
Director Ram Gopal Varma might be the only Bollywood auteur who can actually make an atmospheric and moody film. It’s like Wong Kar Wai, but with plot and direction.
The GF was not allowed to watch this flick with me, because she couldn’t stop making comments about the heroine’s breasts.
Qayamat: City Under Threat
There’s a scene early in "Qayamat" where the villains are stabbing a rival arms dealer while singing in English "Happy Death Day to you! Happy Death Day to you!" I thought to myself, that’s as silly and overblown as a Hollywood actioner. It wasn’t until several scenes later when the realization dawned on me that this movie was actually a re-make of Jerry Bruckheimer’s "The Rock." It had those rockets with the little green balls of something deadly, it had the island prison, and it even had a brooding long-haired ex-convict who was the only person ever known to escape the island, only now he was pressed into service to break back into the prison!
The fight scenes are every bit as awkward as we’ve been lead to expect from a Bollywood flick, but what’s most interesting is the way that religion and politics play into this movie. Even though this is a film where Indian patriots are fighting Pakistani-Islamic terrorists, the film goes to great lengths to demonstrate that the Indian heroes are also Muslim.
The gruff police captain is played by Sunil Shetty, who you might remember from the movie "Dus" was the one who kissed a talisman and shouted "In the name of Allah!" just before blowing the crap out of a buncha terrorists. He does essentially the same thing here, talking about how Allah really prefers India. There’s a point where the gruff ex-convict berates the terrorists with "why don’t you go back to where everyone who has ever hurt India has a home? Pakistan!"
My favorite scene is where the evil Pakistani colonel has a pistachio-flavored cake baked in the shape of India. With his bare hands he scoops out the province of Kashmir, licking it with suggestive lasciviousness.
And no, I’m not making that last part up.