War Rocket Ajax

[  Mood: Scared ]
Oh, George.

I am so scared right now.

Not just by the photo, but by the idea that, if he paid any attention to a poor wretch such as I, and if he then willed it, Lucas could have me squished like a grape.

The way Mr. Miyagi warned about practicing karate "guess-so."

I don’t wanna go out like that…or do I?

Think of the consequences: My wife collects the insurance policy AND she could bring a criminal case against the wealthiest man living south of Bill Gates, provided the lawyers can prove he hired some character actors or down-on-their-luck stunt men to do the deed. It has the potential to defame him for all time AND bring about the release of the Star Wars Holiday Special in an attempt to have the sales cover his court costs!

It’s win, win!

Except where I’m dead, of course. That part sucks.

And it could backfire, making him IN-famous, like El Guapo, and bringing about an unheralded new era in his filmmaking, inspired by true events (like all those Law & Order episodes! They’re really popular, right?).

For a moment, see the headline with me…

Lucas Kills Vocal Ex-Fan In Fit Of Rage!

And why would he do this?

Because I can’t stop thinking, "When is he gonna make good on his threat to go back to making a simple film we can all ignore?"

And every new bit of news that comes out…must…be…commented UPON!

Also, I admit, he’s such an easy target!

Obviously, the man cannot or will not just shut up and put his copious coinpurse where his dilapidated digital tomfoolery is. Instead, we are inundated by Lucas’s meddling hand, threatening at every turn to twist and transmogrify the things we love, leaving torn and bloodied the genre stories of joy we once counted on him to provide!

The latest news? LaBeowulf, waving his switchblade around (this, and being acquainted with Michael Bay are apparently all one needs to make giant Canadian dumptruck loads of cash these days in Hollyweird), proclaims he and George’ll do Indy 5, which will be Mutt One, or some other decidedly non-Cthulhuian horror, but horrible nonetheless.

The truck above might be able to move the amount of bricks the world’s Geekdom collectively drop when the announcement is "officialized, " or whatever Gee-crazzizz-Ell decides to term it.

Before that diShiabance in The Force, our friend Frank Darabont was crying in his beer. No doubt, it had been served by a gruff bartender who looked like Uncle Owen with a bad shave.

From Joe’s article: ‘Frank Darabont says he will get no onscreen credit for Indiana Jones 4. About working again with George Lucas, he said, "Honestly our storytelling sensibilities have diverged to the point where that would be a pointless exercise." Ouch, Lucas. Hurts, don’t it?’

Well boo-filkin’-hoo.

So Lucas obviously wants to continue to make hoary, boring technobabble or poorly conceived serial homages, while Darabont wants to make soul-destroying, unfaithful at-the-last adaptations of otherwise excellently written stories?

What they don’t say on the poster above is this: that guy with his hand in front of his face?
Member of the paid-to-see-it-free preview audience.

Pardon me for obtusity, but I’m missing the "divergence" there, Frank old bean. Maybe your next film will make us all understand?

I highly doubt it. And I’m scared all over again.