After I review a particularly crappy movie, sometimes I’ll head over to Rotten Tomatoes and see what others thought. In the case of the dreadful Fourth Kind, I uncovered some particularly enjoyable, derogatory turns of phrase.

"I’d love to be at a screening of "The Fourth Kind" in Nome, where it’s sure to be greeted as a comedy." —Laura Clifford, Reeling Reviews

"As Truth, it’s bullshit, and as Bullshit, it isn’t remotely entertaining." —Rob Vaux, Mania.com

"…going to great lengths to make us believe the events depicted in this movie are real, but it’s about as a real as the date I had with Jennifer Aniston in my dreams the other night." —Willie Waffle, WaffleMovies.com

"If aliens from another world ever do come to Earth and get a look at "The Fourth Kind," they may decide that any species capable of creating anything this dumb is probably too stupid to probe and conquer in the first place." —Peter Sobczynski, eFilmCritic.com

"In short, The Fourth Kind pisses on your leg, tells you it’s raining, and then tries to sell you a raincoat made of dog hair and corn chips." —Brian Juergens, CampBlood.org

"Alien abductees are back and they are still idiots." —Victoria Alexander, FilmsInReview.com

Clearly I was far too kind in my own review when I called it "a forgettable film of the type that will play on Sy Fy for years to come." As was RevSF’s Derek Johnson when he declared, "What the hell?"

Let’s take a quick look to see what’s arrived in the mail here at the Geek Compound.

The Devil’s Alphabet by Daryl Gregory

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From Daryl Gregory, whose Pandemonium was one of the most exciting debut novels in memory, comes an astonishing work of soaring imaginative power that breaks new ground in contemporary fantasy.

Switchcreek was a normal town in eastern Tennessee until a mysterious disease killed a third of its residents and mutated most of the rest into monstrous oddities. Then, as quickly and inexplicably as it had struck, the disease–dubbed Transcription Divergence Syndrome (TDS)–vanished, leaving behind a population divided into three new branches of humanity: giant gray-skinned argos, hairless seal-like betas, and grotesquely obese charlies.

Paxton Abel Martin was fourteen when TDS struck, killing his mother, transforming his preacher father into a charlie, and changing one of his best friends, Jo Lynn, into a beta. But Pax was one of the few who didn’t change. He remained as normal as ever. At least on the outside.

Having fled shortly after the pandemic, Pax now returns to Switchcreek fifteen years later, following the suicide of Jo Lynn. What he finds is a town seething with secrets, among which murder may well be numbered. But there are even darker–and far weirder–mysteries hiding below the surface that will threaten not only Pax’s future but the future of the whole human race.

I’ve been eagerly anticipating this novel ever since I finished Gregory’s extraordinary first book Pandemonium.

Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth by Karen Miller

The Elder Scrolls: The Infernal City by Greg Keyes

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Four decades after the Oblivion Crisis, Tamriel is threatened anew by an ancient and all-consuming evil. It is Umbriel, a floating city that casts a terrifying shadow–for wherever it falls, people die and rise again.

And it is in Umbriel’s shadow that a great adventure begins, and a group of unlikely heroes meet. A legendary prince with a secret. A spy on the trail of a vast conspiracy. A mage obsessed with his desire for revenge. And Annaig, a young girl in whose hands the fate of Tamriel may rest . . . .

Based on the award-winning The Elder Scrolls, The Infernal City is the first of two exhilarating novels following events that continue the story from The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, named 2006 Game of the Year.

More in Part II

Let’s take a quick look to see what’s arrived in the mail here at the Geek Compound.

Oath of Fealty by Elizabeth Moon

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In the original trilogy starring Paksenarrion Dorthansdotter, headstrong daughter of a farmer on the north edge of the kingdom, Paks follows her dream of becoming a hero out of legend by running away to join the army. Military life and warfare aren’t anything like she imagined… yet she holds to both her duty and her dreams. Sheepfarmer’s Daughter, Divided Allegiance, and Oath of Gold tell of her rise to become the paladin who saves a kingdom. In this new trilogy, Paks’s former comrades in Duke Phelan’s Company assume new roles and the story turns to follow their adventures.

Thanks to Paks’s courage and sacrifice, the long-vanished heir to the half-elven kingdom of Lyonya has been revealed as Kieri Phelan, a formidable mercenary captain who earned a title–and enemies–in the neighboring kingdom of Tsaia. Now, as Kieri ascends a throne he never sought, he must come to terms with his own half-elven heritage while protecting his new kingdom from his old enemies–and those he has not yet discovered.

Meanwhile, in Tsaia, Prince Mikeli prepares for his own coronation. But when an assassination attempt nearly succeeds, Mikeli suddenly faces the threat of a coup. Acting swiftly, Mikeli strikes at the powerful family behind the attack: the Verrakaien, magelords possessing ancient sorcery, steeped in death and evil. Mikeli’s survival–and that of Tsaia–depend on the only Verrakai whose magery is not tainted with innocent blood.

Two kings stand at a pivotal point in the history of their world. For dark forces are gathering against them, knit in a secret conspiracy more sinister–and far more ancient–than they can imagine.

Jade Man’s Skin by Daniel Fox

Helfort’s War Book 3: The Battle of Devastation Reef by Graham Sharp Paul

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If he survives, hell just may freeze over.

The savage Hammer Worlds are not only near invincible but almost certain to win their war to crush the Federated Worlds and control humanspace–unless the Feds can find and destroy their secret antimatter warhead facility.

Only dreadnoughts, the lone Federated ships able to withstand antimatter missile attacks, can do the job, and only Lieutenant Michael Helfort has the skill to lead them. But skill may not be enough, because Helfort is more than the newly appointed captain: He’s a hero, and this means that his own senior officers want him to fail–and that the enemy’s kingpin wants him dead.

Helfort’s early victories merely intensify everyone’s determination. No action is too low, no price too high, to bring him down–with treachery, or betrayal, or an offer he can’t refuse, even if it means selling out his own side.

More in Part I

Let’s take a quick look to see what’s arrived in the mail here at the Geek Compound.

The Judas Mandala by Damien Broderick

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Maggie Roche is an out-of-work poet and single mother. Spied on by a cyborged rat, attacked, drugged into panic and rapture, seduced, drawn into conspiracy, she’s flung four thousand years into her own future. In the alien world of the Ull- Upload Lifeform Lords who are human-machine hybrids of overwhelming power-she learns that she is history’s first true time traveler, hunted by friend and foe to the end of time. The entire future of the cosmos will be reset by these terrifying events. The Judas Mandala introduced the terms "virtual reality" and "virtual matrix," anticipating Frank Tipler’s influential Omega Point Theory, William Gibson’s cyberpunk fiction, and The Matrix…

A new Afterword describes the strange publishing history of this ground-breaking novel, and includes the full text of an omitted chapter.

"Experience an epic sense of immensity: an inkling of humanity’s perhaps limitless possibilities within the strangeness of our universe." –Australian Book Review

Pennterra by Judith Moffett

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Pennterra is a beautiful and fertile planet and humanity’s last hope for survival. But Pennterra is already inhabited. After warning other colony ships to stay away, the small advance colony of Quakers has adapted to life on Pennterra. Heeding the empathic warnings of the native hrossa, they have settled in a single valley, sharply limited their population, and continued to use no heavy machinery in their building and farming. But surviving under these conditions has left the Quakers little time to learn more about their native neighbors. Catastrophe or peace—Tanka Wakan, the omnipotent master spirit of Pennterra, will decide.

The Dreaming by Damien Broderick

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Selected as one of the top 100 science fiction novels of the century! Updated and revised edition of award-winner The Dreaming Dragons. An anthropologist travels to the central Australian desert to search for the source of an aboriginal myth; he suspects the terrible "Rainbow Serpent" is connected to the sacred Uluru rock formations. The holographic "Gate" he discovers with his nephew explains not just the origin of a legend, but the origin of man, and the true fate of the dinosaurs.

The Serpent and the Hummingbird by Wilson Roberts

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The Serpent and the Hummingbird, tells the story of six people whose lives become entwined in a complex mixture of fear, love, violence and bizarre religious practices, as they struggle with matters of belief, reflecting the confusions, the threats, and promises of deeply held faith central to our current political, social, and economic dialogues. The story deals with these issues in a timely fashion, and is peopled with fully realized characters who live in a world close to our own, but bizarre enough to approach the grotesque that Flannery O’Connor said was necessary to shock readers into a realization of the misshapen nature of our times.

Let’s take a quick look to see what’s arrived in the mail here at the Geek Compound.

Star Trek

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The greatest adventure of all time begins with Star Trek, the incredible story of a young crew’s maiden voyage onboard the most advanced starship ever created: the U.S.S. Enterprise. On a journey filled with action, comedy and cosmic peril, the new recruits must find a way to stop an evil being whose mission of vengeance threatens all of mankind. The fate of the galaxy rests in the hands of bitter rivals. One, James Kirk (Chris Pine), is a delinquent, thrill-seeking Iowa farm boy. The other, Spock (Zachary Quinto), was raised in a logic-based society that rejects all emotion. As fiery instinct clashes with calm reason, their unlikely but powerful partnership is the only thing capable of leading their crew through unimaginable danger, boldly going where no one has gone before.

The STAR TREK two-disc DVD is presented in widescreen enhanced for 16:9 televisions with Dolby Digital English 5.1 Surround, French 5.1 Surround and Spanish 5.1 Surround with English, French and Spanish subtitles. Special features are as follows:

Disc 1:

o Commentary—By director J.J. Abrams, writers Robert Orci and Alex Kurtzman, producer Damon Lindelof and executive producer Bryan Burk.
o A New Vision— J.J. Abrams’ vision was not only to create a Star Trek that was a bigger, more action-packed spectacle, but also to make the spectacle feel real. Every aspect of production—from unique locations to the use of classic Hollywood camera tricks—was guided by this overall objective.
o Gag Reel—Bloopers featuring the entire principal cast.

Disc 2:

o Digital Copy
o Deleted Scenes with Optional Commentary

o Spock Birth
o Klingons Take Over Narada
o Young Kirk, Johnny and Uncle Frank
o Amanda and Sarek Argue After Spock Fights
o Prison Interrogation and Breakout
o Sarek Gets Amanda
o Dorm Room and Kobayashi Maru (original version)
o Kirk Apologizes to the Green Girl
o Sarek Sees Spock

o To Boldly Go— Taking on the world’s most beloved science fiction franchise was no small mission. Director J.J. Abrams, writers Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, producer Damon Lindelof, and executive producer Bryan Burk talk about the many challenges they faced and their strategy for success.
o Casting— The producers knew their greatest task was finding the right cast to reprise these epic roles. The cast, for their part, talk about the experience of trying to capture the essence of these mythic characters. The piece concludes with a moving tribute to Leonard Nimoy.
o Aliens— Designers Neville Page and Joel Harlow talk about the hurdles they faced creating new alien species, recreating the Romulans and Vulcans, and designing the terrifying creatures on Delta Vega for the new Star Trek.
o Score— As a fan of the original series, composer Michael Giacchino embraced the challenge of creating new music for Star Trek while preserving the spirit of Alexander Courage’s celebrated theme.

o DVD-Rom:

o STAR TREK D-A-C Free Trial Game for XBOX 360Ò
o Weblink to the STAR TREK D-A-C Free Trial Game for PC
o Weblink to the STAR TREK D-A-C Free Trial Game for PlayStation Network

I know what I’ll be watching this weekend.

Goats: The Corndog Imperative by Jonathan Rosenberg

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Book Two of The Infinite Pendergast Cycle

God is dead. Reality isn’t real. And the end of the multiverse is coming! Nobody knew any of this stuff at the beginning–least of all Jon and Phillip, two of the drunker inhabitants of our own particularly ignorant level of existence. Then again, it was these bickering cyber-geeks who flew to the center of the galaxy where they met–and ate–God Himself . . . which may just have kick-started the apocalypse. A new collection of strips from the acclaimed webcomic, Goats: The Corndog Imperative is a unique cosmic comedy of errors, pocket universes, and monkeys with typewriters.

Spread

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Fresh, funny and racy, Spread is a look at the trials and tribulations of sleeping your way to a life of privilege in Los Angeles. Nikki (Ashton Kutcher) is a fun-loving, freeloading hipster who understands his greatest assets are his looks and sexual prowess. His latest conquest, Samantha (Anne Heche), a stunning middle-aged lawyer, gives Nikki more than he’s ever had before. But when Heather (Margarita Levieva), a gorgeous waitress playing the same game, catches his eye, their lifestyles force a choice between love and money. Nikki has to decide whether he can live on his own once and for all in the hopes of finding something real.

My review of The Fourth Kind is now up at Moving Pictures.

The rest of the review can be read at Moving Pictures.

Previously in KandyLand:

After being submerged in a vat of boiling lemon juice and left for dead, Mike & Ike bag boy John Pierre Stanley is reborn as LemonHead.

Story by Rick Klaw Art by Newt Manwich

Click on image to enlarge

Before I even started in on this series, I mapped out the different identities and jobs for a wide variety of candies. Among my favorites that never made it into print were the Cadbury Boys, twin British gangster (a la The Krays) and the dominatrix Twizzler. Perhaps someday.

Last Week’s Strip

Next Week’s Strip

My review of Jeff VanderMeer’s latest novel Finch appeared in today’s San Antonio Current.

Check out my Baker’s Dozen interview with Jeff Vandermeer and the remainder of this review.

Let’s take a quick look to see what’s arrived in the mail here at the Geek Compound.

Portable Grindhouse: The Lost Art of the VHS Box by Jacques Boyreau

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It’s like having your very own drive-in… at home! Portable Grindhouse reprints some of the most louche, decadent, minimo-pervo artwork to ever grace a VHS box, featuring such movies as From Beyond, Cop Killers, and Cocaine Wars. A feast for exploitation cognoscenti, Portable Grindhouse is a portable grindhouse. Readers will be agog at the plethora of supertrash movie titles, and then move on to rediscover the anarchic box designs. Throughout, editor and cultural historian Jacques Boyreau succinctly narrates the household-piercing story of VHS: "VHS box-art ‘became’ the iconic equivalent of the movie." Portable Grindhouse is published in a VHS "format," slyly packaged inside a facsimile VHS box, and contains almost a hundred reproductions of VHS art with commentary.

Scary how many of these movies I’ve actually seen.

Starfist: Double Jeopardy by David Sherman and Dan Cragg

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The thrilling pace of the Starfist space epic quickens as the explosive series rockets to dazzling new heights, packed with the hell-for-leather action only two battle-hardened and decorated combat vets like David Sherman and Dan Cragg can provide.

The Confederation has finally disclosed the existence of Skinks, fierce aliens bent on wiping out humankind, and announced its plan to find and destroy their home world. While the rest of the universe grapples with the news, the Skink-savvy Marines of the Confederation’s Thirty-fourth Fleet Initial Strike Team (FIST) have their own take on the situation.

Though they’re no longer in danger of being exiled to a ghastly netherworld for spilling the beans about the deadly aliens, the men still can’t transfer out of the unit where they’ve been confined since they first laid eyes on the Skinks. The reason is obvious: Who else but the legendary Thirty-fourth FIST has the skills and experience to spearhead the invasion of the Skinks’ home world?

Morale isn’t improved by a report of Skinks on the uncolonized world of Ishtar near a mercenary force engaged in slave-driven mining operations there—which means that FIST must turn around and head right back into the jaws of hell with no downtime. But none of that matters to Lieutenant Charlie Bass and the third platoon of Company L. They’re Marines, they’re the best, and they’ve got a job to do.

The Marines will find a planet ripped apart by all-out war, with enemies on all sides. The only certainty is that the fighting will rage red-hot and relentless, and Charlie Bass and his men will be right in the thick of the action.

Nightchild (Chronicles of the Raven) by James Barclay

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It begins with a tidal wave. There is a new power coming. It will sweep aside the four colleges of magic. It is the power of the land, and it has manifested itself in Lyanna, a five year old girl. Unknowingly, she could destroy Balaia. Desperate to maintain their power, the colleges will do anything to control the child. If that fails, they will kill her. Terrified, Lyanna’s mother, Erienne the mage, takes her into hiding. But they can’t hide forever. As the hunt goes on, Lyanna starts to test her powers and nature itself begins to turn on Balaia. Her father, Denser of The Raven, is also desperate to find her. But can even The Raven find Erienne and her child when they do not want to be found? And if they do find them, what then should they do? Lyanna is ripping the world apart. Thousands are dying. Can The Raven afford to let her live?

More in Part II

Let’s take a quick look to see what’s arrived in the mail here at the Geek Compound.

Blackout by Connie Willis

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Blackout is the opening movement of a vast, absorbing two-volume novel that may well prove to be Connie Willis’s masterpiece. Like her multi-award winning The Doomsday Book, this marvelous new work marries the intricate mechanics of time travel to the gritty – and dangerous – realities of actual human history.

The narrative opens in Oxford, England in 2060, where a trio of time traveling scholars prepares to depart for various corners of the Second World War. Their mission: to observe, from a “safe” vantage point, the day-to-day nature of life during a critical historical moment, As the action ranges from the evacuation of Dunkirk to the manor houses of rural England to the quotidian horrors of London during the Blitz, the objective nature of their roles gradually changes. Cut off from the safety net of the future and caught up in the “chaotic system” that is history, they are forced to participate, in unexpected ways, in the defining events of the era.

Blackout is an ingeniously constructed time travel novel and a grand entertainment. More than that, it is a moving, exquisitely detailed portrait of a world under siege, a world dominated by chaos, uncertainty, and the threat of imminent extinction. It is the rare sort of book that transcends the limits of genre, offering pleasure, insight, and illumination on virtually every page.

Diving into the Wreck by Kristine Kathryn Rusch

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Boss loves to dive historical ships, derelict spacecraft found adrift in the blackness between the stars. Sometimes she salvages for money, but mostly she’s an active historian. She wants to know about the past–to experience it firsthand. Once she’s dived the ship, she’ll either leave it for others to find or file a claim so that she can bring tourists to dive it as well. It’s a good life for a tough loner, with more interest in artifacts than people.

Then one day, Boss finds the claim of a lifetime: an enormous spacecraft, incredibly old, and apparently Earth-made. It’s impossible for something so old, built in the days before Faster Than Light travel, to have journeyed this far from Earth. It shouldn’t be here. It can’t be here. And yet, it is. Boss’s curiosity is up, and she’s determined to investigate. She hires a group of divers to explore the wreck with her, the best team she can assemble. But some secrets are best kept hidden, and the past won t give up its treasures without exacting a price in blood.

What Boss finds could rewrite history, cost lives, and start an intergalactic war.

The Ruling Sea by Robert V. S. Redick

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THE RULING SEA begins where THE RED WOLF CONSPIRACY ended; Thasha’s wedding is hours away. It is a wedding that will both fulfil the promise of a mad god’s return and see her murdered. Pazel has thwarted the sorcerer who would bring back the god but both sides now face deadlock. Can Thasha be saved? Can the war between two Empires be stopped? THE RULING SEA is, once again, focused on the giant ancient ship, the CHATHRAND, but now she must brave the terrors of the uncharted seas; the massive storms and the ship swallowing whirlpools and explore lands forgotten by the Northern world, all the time involved in a vicious running battle with a ship half her size but nearly her match. Robert Redick’s new novel takes the reader further into the labyrinthine plots and betrayals that have underscored the trilogy from the beginning. We learn more about the Ixchel as they fight for survival against the Chathrand’s rats, discover more about the true motives of conspirators, live with Thasha and Pazel as they face death and deceit, and as the Chathrand sails into the infamous Ruling Sea. Robert Redick’s sequel to the acclaimed THE RED WOLF CONSPIRACY is a masterpiece of plotting and adventure. As each page turns the reader shares with the characters the dawning realisation that nothing is at it seems.

More in Part I