"Wow. Welcome to the jungle, baby."
\n"I missed you, too, sugar tits."
\n"Dated Mel Gibson joke, ten points. I can’t believe you’re back."
\n"Dear sweet crap in a bag, neither can I."
\n"I thought you were rotting in some Godforsaken state in the midwest."
\n"You mean Texas or Montana? Because Montana was really nice, actually."
\n"I thought the only way you’d come back here would be if you’d wandered across the border, minus a few kidneys."
\n"All I’m missing is some spinal fluid."
\n"And a spine."
\n"What’s a spine?"
\n"They keep books pretty."
\n"I already read what I’m interested in, the rest of the world’s literature can burn."
\n"That’s terrible. Things don’t change with you. You’re still dressing like a greaser that just stepped out of the Matrix."
\n"And I see you still think you can grow facial hair, Patches."
\n"I see you’re still blindly following the right wing."
\n"Moonbat cheap shot, five points. And I see you’re still blind on your right side. Two for flinching."
\n"Ow, ow."
\n"You know you’re the first one I’ve found since I left, Billy."
\n"Everybody left. Nobody wants to be here except for the people who aren’t here."
\n"You didn’t leave."
\n"I met a nice boy."
\n"Ew, that’s great, shut up."
\n"You’re going to meet him eventually. We’re coming over to your new place for Thanksgiving."
\n"You serious?"
\n"Yeah."
\n"You’re the only one of us that didn’t have a lisp."
\n"I’m breaking down stereotypical barriers."
\n"More like, you’re breaking down butt barriers. Ew, shit! I grossed myself out! You win, goddamn, you win."
\n"Ha! If you can’t top that, you have to make out with me."
\n"I can. Top that, I mean. Shit, I mean, look at this picture. I finally did the minstrel thing for Halloween."
\n"I don’t like where this conversation is going. Weird angle."
\n"I had to take it of myself, I had no back up, this was for me. I sang about my dear ol’ mammy in front of a crowd of shocked, SHOCKED freshmen at UCLA."
\n"You sent white men everywhere back sixty years. Surprised you lived."
\n"I was jogging as I sang. I had a great time, but all that fried chicken gave me a huge zit on my back."
\n"You have to dilute the grease in the chicken with the water in the watermelon."
\n"Check out blacker than thou. Anyway, those cholitos at the campus gave me a good idea for when it’s your turn."
\n"I don’t like this, it’s way too racist."
\n"It’s not racist if it’s retarded. Well, maybe it is, but who gives a damn?"
\n"Over the line. I don’t like where this conversation is going. Over the line."
\n"Next year, the noose you wear as a tie will be made out of hemp so you can smoke it afterwards."
\n"Huh. I do like where this conversation is going. To the bluntmobile!"
\n"You go, I’m heading home to listen to my neighbors’ car alarms until I fall asleep. The sun shines bright in the old Kentucky home…"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
"Wow. Welcome to the jungle, baby." "I missed you, too, sugar tits." "Dated Mel Gibson joke, ten points. I can’t believe you’re back." "Dear sweet crap in a bag, neither can I." "I thought you were rotting in some Godforsaken … Continue reading