Trading a knife for a finger: a tough call
Saying "ass" twice in a row is slightly less fun than Assassin’s Creed, and doing that is super fun. The story is about a 12th century assassin named Altiar who goes between Jerusalem, Damascus and Acre during the last crusade. Not so much a linear story as an elaborate parkour simulator, Jade Raymond’s bouncing, disemboweling baby boy is a great way to spend sixty bucks. The game is marred by a lot of repetitive tasks, and a really unnecessary subplot. The strongest point is the fluid animation system, which make transversing the city via thieves highway really exciting, and brings the more mundane actions of the civilians seem believable and alive. Altiar also makes Jason Bourne look like Ted Buckland when surrounded and forced to fight sword to sword, but it can be equally exciting running away from your pursuers by darting from roof to roof. Good times.

Yep, that’s Optimus.

John Who?
I finally sat down and finished Stranglehold, which feels like it came out twenty years ago. It’s an interactive John Woo film, which is great, except there are some really stinky old school cliches that cause eyeball rolls every once in a while. The puzzle design is really sadly tedious, and some of the gun battles leave you wondering when the Hell enemies are going to stop spawning. Chow Yun Fat does pull of a decent performance as Inspector Tequila, but story isn’t why we watch John Woo movies. The action can be really amazing, depending on how good you are at the game. But if you suck, the game sucks, so be good at it if you buy it.

Max Payne!

An unforgivable misuse of Michael Ironside
TimeShift is an okay shooter, but its nothing special. Introducing a time manipulation gimmick to the fine art of shooting guys, it never really goes anywhere new and unexpected. Temporal anomalies are pretty much old hat, and should die where we left them – in Berman and Braga Star Trek episodes.

History’s greatest Canadian.