WARNING, graphic and messed up images to follow, but I can’t help but want to share them. You have been warned.

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About a year and a half ago, I sent my resume and some samples of photography and photoshop work to every corner of the Earth. Its a fairly competitive field, so the jobs only trickled in here and there, but referrals were really great for business and getting my name out there. Every few weeks, I still get a job to do some touch ups for wedding photographs or a model’s headshots. The most twisted job I’ve had so far was just some unethical photojournalism – blurring out less than politically correct picket signs so that a local paper could give the gathering a positive spin. Its tedious work to make things like that look natural, because altering a photograph is fairly obvious to an eye that is looking for it. This morning, I opened up my gmail and got a few surprise photographs and a request.

My first thought: "Who would harpoon a bitch?"

Hmmmm… That woman has some sizable biceps…

Yep. That’s how they’re gonna find me some day. Oh, well. I scrolled down a bit and read:

"hello
i am wondering if you make this look more natural, i am a transvestite and can not afford a female model to pose for my fetihs photography so i have to use myself and i am wondering if you can help me out, i was referred to by (Client’s name whose 1991 gay wedding photos I removed red eye from) and i am willing to pay a rate similar to what he did, if i like your work i have over eighty galleries for you to continue on for my website what do you think??

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Thanks and have a great day!
(Dude’s name), Manager in Charge of Personnel and Recruitment
Ocean City, MD"

While I don’t want to disclose his (her?) identity, his e-mail address was from walmart.com.

Oh, Lordy, the day is starting off right when I get an offer to go halvsies on a faux female faux murder porn website. Mom would be so proud.