As anyone who truly knows me will tell you, I leave a substantial wake of destruction and chaos everywhere I go. My recent stint in the local Comfort Inn was just one such example. It, however, provoked a great deal of outcry from the staff, and I am no longer welcome. Remember that scene from Dumb and Dumber where Lloyd performs the most annoying sound in the world? I am that incarnate for janitors, housekeepers and girlfriends. My deepest apologies to the elderly women whose weeping I caused. And don’t worry, it was just chocolate.

Super 8 knows not what dark destiny has fallen upon them. The lemony fresh scent I gallantly meandered into will soon have a permanent tinge of poo for the next guests. The sheets will have to be burned, the dresser will be filled with McDonald’s wrappers, and I’ll be damned if that coffee maker is going to make it out of here alive. And the things I’m gonna do to the air conditioner! HAHAHA! THE AIR CONDITIONER! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAA!