Internal Dialogue

JV:
I just read my CCN newsletter. They argued that showing breasts to a child was as psychologically damaging to them as raping them would be.
DB:
If the damage is that minor, I’m gonna start f***ing kids right now.

JV:
I bet Tupac was hung well.
DB:
Tupac was shot, not lynched.

DB:
Dude, wake up and shut up, you were having a nightmare.
JV:
I dreamed I got fired because my cat called someone a n*gg*r.

JV:
People are going to die tonight in Afghanistan and Iraq.
DB:
That’s no excuse not to vacuum, asshole.

DB:
What’s bukkake?
JV:
Google image search it.

JV:
We should set some goals before we turn 30.
DB:
Mm… Get married, have one kid, start my own business.
JV:
Epic flying mount.
DB:
Be realistic, asshole.

DB:
If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?
JV:
Batman. You?
DB:
God.

JV:
I think the fish is half blind. One of its eyes is discolored.
DB:
Doesn’t matter. It’s a stupid animal. Every three seconds, it will be like, "Woah! I can only see out of one eye!"

JV:
Uuuugh. A girl thinks I know everything about every videogame because she knows I have a gamefly account. Now she’s asking me for tips through AIM whenever she gets stuck.
DB:
What game?
JV:
DDR.

JV:
Check it out, Mengele documents.
DB:
He was pulling teeth out post mortem?
JV:
I know, dude. He just lost a lot of respect.

DB:
Where’s the pasta?
JV:
Next to the antipasta.
DB:
You fool! You’ll kill us all!

JV:
Where does veganism fit into natural selection?
DB:
What are you talking about?
JV:
The plants can’t move. Vegans can. It’s unfair to evolution.

JV:
How’s Europe?
DB:
I’ll think about it when I get back, I’m going to sleep.
JV:
Heck of an early bed time.
DB:
Small price to pay for living in the future.

JV:
I don’t think Mount Rushmore grew that way.
DB:
…

JV:
Nuclear… defense… system… It says bullet to bullet had a seventy five percent failure rate.
DB:
Need something bigger. Launch homeless people as human cannon balls.
JV:
The system would pay for itself.

DB:
Nightmares again, dude.
JV:
I had a nightmare that I had a dream.
DB:
What was the dream?
JV:
I was eating pudding.
DB:
What was the nightmare?
JV:
When I woke up, I had a spoon in my ass.