[  Mood: Scared ]
So, Motel 8’s have wireless innernet. This, I did not know. The room is very large and has everything I could possibly need. It smells like its been cleaned a lot. I wonder if someone died in here. Oh, well. What was I going to talk about? Oh, right.

ATLANTA: This place sucks. It is hot as dog shit. The white people are scared to death of my yankee accent. The black people are scared to death of me being white. There are no mexicans, who are officially my adopted ethnicity from here on out, ese. The country is beautiful and untouchable, because its too hot outside the car to go pee in the woods. My wang would raisin within two minutes of being outside. Its like being on Vulcan on an off pon farr year.

Once you get into the city? Poverty, filth and depression amongst sky scraping monuments of human achievement and concrete and marble proof that capitalism works. Ted Turner, save these people? Where is your Captain Planet now? I’m sure I’d like it here better if I spent more time downtown, going to a club or a bar. But I don’t have my plus stamina gear, and my paladin isn’t here to rez me if I get shot in the face.

For dinner, I bought potato chips from a vending machine that’s old enough to be my father. These were inedible, but that’s okay, as I also wisely purchased some Sugar Daddies. As the old egyptian expression goes: Man fears time, but time fears movie theater candy. I’m washing it down with a Coke can whose backside is encouraging me to go to Six Flags instead of telling me what kinds of chemicals I’m putting into my body. Six Flags chemicals are delicious. I had Arby’s for lunch, and usually this would cause a severe case of the mud butt, however, I think the combination of ancient sugar daddies and coca cola have shot past the roast beef and gummed up the works for the next several days. I’m gonna need to obtain some pop rocks, a bottle of pepto and a red hot slim jim to blow my a-hole open. Thank God for gas station food, everything I want is so close together.

In other news: Chris Benoit.

That’s what I be doing. Also, strokin’. Goodbye for the next two weeks, innernet! Wow, I can’t believe we’re graduating! Don’t ever change!

I believe in a thing called love. Just listen to the rhythm of my heart. There’s a chance we can make it now. We’ll be rocking til the sun goes down. I believe in a thing called love. Ooh!

I found a thing. Here’s a thing that I found.

[url]Take the Magic: The Gathering ‘What Color Are You?’ Quiz.

Yokay.

A global warming argument not by a crazy ass. Gotta admit: It makes sense, and it doesn’t effect me. Maybe it’s because I was indoctrinated by Captain Planet propaganda when I was four years old, but I recently scored 1.3 sized carbon footprint (I think 5 was average). I don’t drive anywhere, I barely use any electricity, I don’t make a lot of garbage – I just poop a lot. And that’s kinda helping the environment. So, be like me and do your part to save the environment: Quit your job and fap at home. In other news:

THAT. JUST. HAPPENED.

This is from AintItCool, which has been cooler in the past two months than it has been in the last four years. There’s going to be an Onimusha movie.

Why is this significant? It’s probably going to be about Japanese samurai and Jean Reno fighting demons from Hell in modern day France, that’s why.

The Onimusha series is one of the only mature Japanese game franchises that I hold dear to my heart, and except for the quick, money making spin offs, they are excellent examples of how to do a proper hack and slash horror game. These games were the first I ever had to show an ID for proving that my awkwardly placed splotches of facial hair were genuinely there not because I had just entered puberty, but because I was exiting it in a very ugly manner. This was a fact that I found astounding and exciting, like the way men used to feel buying their first Playboy, back in the days before every titty in the world was posted online for free.

The director is oedepodean Frenchman Christopher Gannes, the director of Silent Hill. I support Gannes, as he gave work to Sean Bean, my favorite Bond villain of all time. However, Silent Hill was really awkward with its direction. It couldn’t decide whether it wanted to be an American suspense film, a Japanese horror game or a French artsy crap thing, but I still think it stands up as an okay movie in the end. Adding the stink of hairy pitted French cinema to the Onimusha series might actually be a good idea, just as doing so injected a shot of adrenaline into the classic foot chase scene.

It will be very interesting to the Japanese audience which actor they decide to headline the film, as the series stars real Japanese actors. The first and second Onimusha game starred a Japanese actor who died before the first game was complete, while a younger actor took the reigns over in the second game as an alternative character. Starting fresh with a new face could make no difference to the western audience, but Japanese gamers are fiercely loyal to the original stars of the series. Replacing either of them would be like replacing Harrison Ford with David Boreanaz as Indiana Jones. Personally, I don’t care. They could throw Jackie Chan into some dragon scale and as long as he was hacking up the infernally damned souls of dishonored ninjas for two hours, they’d get my eight dollars for the movie ticket.

Current status: Cautiously optimistic!

JV:
I just read my CCN newsletter. They argued that showing breasts to a child was as psychologically damaging to them as raping them would be.
DB:
If the damage is that minor, I’m gonna start f***ing kids right now.

JV:
I bet Tupac was hung well.
DB:
Tupac was shot, not lynched.

DB:
Dude, wake up and shut up, you were having a nightmare.
JV:
I dreamed I got fired because my cat called someone a n*gg*r.

JV:
People are going to die tonight in Afghanistan and Iraq.
DB:
That’s no excuse not to vacuum, asshole.

DB:
What’s bukkake?
JV:
Google image search it.

JV:
We should set some goals before we turn 30.
DB:
Mm… Get married, have one kid, start my own business.
JV:
Epic flying mount.
DB:
Be realistic, asshole.

DB:
If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?
JV:
Batman. You?
DB:
God.

JV:
I think the fish is half blind. One of its eyes is discolored.
DB:
Doesn’t matter. It’s a stupid animal. Every three seconds, it will be like, "Woah! I can only see out of one eye!"

JV:
Uuuugh. A girl thinks I know everything about every videogame because she knows I have a gamefly account. Now she’s asking me for tips through AIM whenever she gets stuck.
DB:
What game?
JV:
DDR.

JV:
Check it out, Mengele documents.
DB:
He was pulling teeth out post mortem?
JV:
I know, dude. He just lost a lot of respect.

DB:
Where’s the pasta?
JV:
Next to the antipasta.
DB:
You fool! You’ll kill us all!

JV:
Where does veganism fit into natural selection?
DB:
What are you talking about?
JV:
The plants can’t move. Vegans can. It’s unfair to evolution.

JV:
How’s Europe?
DB:
I’ll think about it when I get back, I’m going to sleep.
JV:
Heck of an early bed time.
DB:
Small price to pay for living in the future.

JV:
I don’t think Mount Rushmore grew that way.
DB:
…

JV:
Nuclear… defense… system… It says bullet to bullet had a seventy five percent failure rate.
DB:
Need something bigger. Launch homeless people as human cannon balls.
JV:
The system would pay for itself.

DB:
Nightmares again, dude.
JV:
I had a nightmare that I had a dream.
DB:
What was the dream?
JV:
I was eating pudding.
DB:
What was the nightmare?
JV:
When I woke up, I had a spoon in my ass.