SEX!

I’m trying to get several comics done before I decide to buy a URL and start things up – or shop them around to already popular hosts like www.snafu-comics.com – but this is looking like more and more of a huge financial investment and blah blah blah I reward your attention span with sex. This is a story I told a friend several months ago via IM, which he logged, and it was going to be a basis for several weeks of comics. I’ll explain why it’s not later. Also: mild censorship to make it for a, I dunno… I guess, thirteen(?) and up audience, instead of just a 18 and up and mildly deranged audience.

Quote:

So, my girlfriend at the time had previously been a lesbian. She’d only kissed girls and had sex with girls. I was her first wang. I took her out to the classic, yanno, "Look Out Point" or "Lover’s View" type place. Well, actually, it was an empty parking lot of a Target that had a slight downhill slope.

Anyway:
We’re making out and I keep putting her hand on my crotch, and after the third or fourth time, she turns red. I request we become more intimate, and she gets out of the car. I’m like, "damn, I blew it." She comes over to my door, opens it, and I start to get out to see what she wanted. She slams me down in my seat with my feet hanging out of the car. It was hot, because she was about a foot taller than me and incredibly strong. Red haired, green eyed, lesbian Xena Amazon woman manhandling me. It was good. Until she put it in her mouth.

She ripped my pants open and I felt the zipper. I held in a scream and was like, "Okay, fine, that’s the painful part." I did not realize that she had razor sharp teeth.

Every time she went up and down on it, she scraped her teeth along the shaft. It was like slamming my manhood in a drawer of knives, over and over.

And of course, I’m crying out in pain, going, "Uhhhhhg, unngh, ooooh, uuuhhhgh," and pulling her hair to try and get her off of me. She takes the hair pulling and squirming to mean that I like it rough. She pulls off of me and says, "Does that feel good baby?" Now here’s the part that proves I’m a fucking idiot.

I said, sarcastically, "Oh, yeah, baby. Your teeth feel fucking wonderful."

So she starts going to town at a million miles per hour. I have since never been in so much pain. She tried deep throating me. I have the scars to prove it. It was like she was trying to tear into it like a steak. And of course I’m screaming and squirming, trying desperately to get away, totally incapable of using the english language. I was in a stick shift at the time.

Remember when I said the parking lot had a slight, downward grade?

I hit the stick into neutral with my elbow, and clamped my legs on each side of her head. I was grabbing her ears so her head couldn’t move. We started rolling backwards.

She didn’t notice for like a good ten seconds, that’s how slow it was. But when we started picking up speed, she noticed real fast. My clamped legs kept her head on my dick, and she fell on her side, and was being dragged by my wang in her mouth under the open car door for at least thirty feet. She panicked, and bit down. Hard.

Eventually, after a lot of muffled screams and shouts of pain and panic, someone from the gas station across the street came to see what the commotion was.

A fifty year old mother of three came to see me with a giant’s mouth around the base of my wiener, my legs clamped on either side of her head, pulling her hair and screaming at a high, Michael Jackson like pitch.

While I was too scared to struggle with her any more, and Sara finally pulled herself off. And that’s when I came.

Hit her right in the eye, and she was so shocked, this being her first experience with a man, that she slammed her head into the car door and passed out halfway. The old woman ran away saying that she was calling the police. I loaded Sara’s big ass into the car and drove her home as fast as I could. I dumped her on the doorstep of her parents house, wiped the goo off her face, and got back to bed. Next day, Sara was back with her ex-girlfriend.

THE problem is that lately, I’ve been really unhappy with anything I’ve attempted to do, sketch wise. Time is not an issue, as my current work schedule as a photographer is less than demanding – it’s all a question of skill.

Choosing a style was the hardest part. I spent what feels like weeks just hammering that out – and I thought that I was happy with my initial batch of character sketches. But I found out quickly that the more detail you put into a comic, the more the uncanny valley comes into play, and that can drive readers away.

Likewise, if I make the characters too cartoonish, than they seem like a knockoff of Order of the Stick in tone, much like Dueling Analogues is criticized for being the poor man’s Ctrl+Alt+Delete, and as Ctrl+Alt+Delete is criticized for being the lazy man’s Penny Arcade. But I don’t like Penny-Arcade.

So, I’m thinking about just copping out of the animation thing, and going with some sort of modified Oblivion engine to do a comic a la Concerned. But! That would severely limit what I’m capable of doing with the game, and I’m pretty sure it’s been done before. I don’t know where, but it has to – if Star Trek: Elite Force had a fan following machimina comic, then surely a juggernaut like Oblivion has several. But if I do go with this option, I have to learn an entire toolset, camera system, and animation system, plus do a lot of modifications myself. And the above story is no longer an option, because there are no "getting head while riding a mount" animations, and ragdolling the characters into the right positions would be a bit of an epic pain in the ass.

In other words, I’ve had sex at least once and this is a huge amount of work. And my alcoholism isn’t helping progress as much as its helping me accept defeat in Dead or Alive 4 easier. Get up and break that teenager girl’s neck, Jann Lee!

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