[  Mood: Angry ]
Tonight we barely made it through GNAW (2009)

The queasiness is wearing off.

GNAW on IMDB.

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kaosdevice (00:01:08 PM): Tonight’s piece of pain is 2009’s GNAW
Glass Spider (00:01:18 PM): Here we go — more reading.
Glass Spider (00:01:54 PM): Starting to not care at 2 minutes in…
kaosdevice (00:02:08 PM): ah, she’s wearing her running slip.
Glass Spider (00:02:18 PM): This is your brain on cordwood.
kaosdevice (00:02:45 PM): I’ll get away by following this clearly demarcated path!
Glass Spider (00:03:14 PM): When yer get-up-n-go has got up -n- went…
kaosdevice (00:03:28 PM): Does this guy have COPD or something? He needs an inhaler.
Glass Spider (00:03:44 PM): …she’ll hanker for a hunk-a — ewwww. Pitchfork.
kaosdevice (00:04:20 PM): Now brought to you with PantyVision(tm)!
Glass Spider (00:04:22 PM): Man, I’m starting to feel sorry for bumpkins.
kaosdevice (00:05:01 PM): This film likes its repetitive piano bangin’.
Glass Spider (00:05:02 PM): They’re always torture-obsessed, cannibal hermaphrodites with bad teeth in these movies.
Glass Spider (00:05:43 PM): Least he knows how to get at the good parts!
kaosdevice (00:05:58 PM): I don’t think he is sticking very close to health codes there.
Glass Spider (00:06:00 PM): Don’t let that liver get away!
Glass Spider (00:06:14 PM): Why won’t he "liver" alone?
Glass Spider (00:07:01 PM): Scored by the Amazing One-Fingered Piano Virtuoso!
kaosdevice (00:07:03 PM): GNAW…now brought to you with 100% more misogyny!
kaosdevice (00:08:00 PM): This series of boring articles will fill you in on the back-story a retarded chipmunk could figure out.
Glass Spider (00:08:06 PM): Wake me when it gets exciting. Zzzzzz…
Glass Spider (00:08:33 PM): Mmmm — SPAM!
kaosdevice (00:08:42 PM): Remember that part of the movie where something happened? Nah, me neither.
kaosdevice (00:09:11 PM): Hi, welcome to the vaguely passive aggressive diner!
Glass Spider (00:09:14 PM): Thought U.K. was all mayo and vinegar.
Glass Spider (00:09:42 PM): Yay! Food poisoning.
kaosdevice (00:09:49 PM): She just realized what movie she was in.
Glass Spider (00:10:32 PM): Drink every time you see bad teeth? No way, too easy.
kaosdevice (00:10:35 PM): cue lame music and GO!
kaosdevice (00:10:55 PM): HEY!
Glass Spider (00:11:10 PM): Whoo! Road trip!
kaosdevice (00:11:15 PM): I’d say drink when nothing happens, but we would wind up in the ER
Glass Spider (00:11:26 PM): Why does all Brit pop sound like the Beatles?
Glass Spider (00:11:42 PM): Holy blood-bag, Batman!
kaosdevice (00:11:52 PM): I think you might have hit a part of the plot!
Glass Spider (00:12:13 PM): Eww. She’s butch.
kaosdevice (00:12:22 PM): That cat died faster than my interest in this movie.
Glass Spider (00:12:29 PM): Do trucks have a "boot"?
Glass Spider (00:12:38 PM): Not the cats again.
kaosdevice (00:12:46 PM): I’m waiting for pigs.
Glass Spider (00:13:06 PM): I could make some really cheap jokes.
Glass Spider (00:13:28 PM): Tip number one:
kaosdevice (00:13:30 PM): The cell phones won’t work from this movie, I mean house.
Glass Spider (00:13:51 PM): Never go on vacay where there’s no cell reception without a shotgun.
kaosdevice (00:14:17 PM): They haven’t built cell infrastructure in cannibalville.
Glass Spider (00:14:34 PM): Oh, cliché train pulling in on Track 4.
Glass Spider (00:15:25 PM): Those jewelry boxes always creeped me out.
kaosdevice (00:15:26 PM): Hey puking goth chick! (that was one of my favorite songs as a child.)
kaosdevice (00:15:40 PM): Pervy cam.
Glass Spider (00:15:52 PM): Side boob!
kaosdevice (00:16:10 PM): Is this guy filled with steam?
kaosdevice (00:16:20 PM): He’s a Victorian era cannibal?
Glass Spider (00:16:27 PM): He gonna punish the pope while he’s peepin’? That’s gross.
Glass Spider (00:16:48 PM): Steampunk peeper!
Glass Spider (00:17:14 PM): I guess we’ve identified the prude on this trip.
kaosdevice (00:17:37 PM): I’ve seen golf tourneys more sexy than this part of the movie.
Glass Spider (00:17:57 PM): And scarier.
kaosdevice (00:18:36 PM): ah generic scary noise in the background how can we ever get tired of you?
Glass Spider (00:18:36 PM): Petty thief, peeper, candlestick maker…
Glass Spider (00:18:53 PM): That dinner is scaring me a little.
Glass Spider (00:19:28 PM): It seems this is a movie of food horror.
kaosdevice (00:19:29 PM): lotta puking and gagging in this flick. It is like an anti-bulimia film.
Glass Spider (00:19:56 PM): They need to quit — I get to drinking and gagging is gonna set me off.
kaosdevice (00:20:01 PM): I guess Chutes and Ladders was too complicated for this lot.
Glass Spider (00:20:32 PM): What’s this bitch’s deal?
Glass Spider (00:20:40 PM): I say she’s first to die.
kaosdevice (00:20:53 PM): I want them all to die really.
Glass Spider (00:21:05 PM): Yeeeaaahh.
kaosdevice (00:21:37 PM): Is this frakking Scream 1 alla sudden?
Glass Spider (00:21:42 PM): People who barely tolerate each other shouldn’t go off the grid and drink too much wine.
Glass Spider (00:22:44 PM): This movie is brought to you by the silent ‘T’ and the number of the beast.
kaosdevice (00:23:12 PM): I’ve seen periodic tables that were less formulaic than this.
Glass Spider (00:23:52 PM): Summat wroit on the winder in shite?
Glass Spider (00:23:55 PM): WTF?
Glass Spider (00:24:47 PM): Should’ve gone with the teeth thing — we’d both be drunk now and it wouldn’t matter.
kaosdevice (00:24:58 PM): Hey there pointless soon to be dead side character!
Glass Spider (00:25:26 PM): Not her, man, she makes the menu, remember?
kaosdevice (00:25:33 PM): drink for every lame faux sex scene (or related)
Glass Spider (00:25:43 PM): Cool.
kaosdevice (00:26:31 PM): bore my ass off tiny dancer.
Glass Spider (00:26:35 PM): Blood’s gonna look great on that duvet.
kaosdevice (00:27:05 PM): man loves his fried spam.
Glass Spider (00:27:24 PM): Bet it’s loooong poooork, mate.
Glass Spider (00:27:39 PM): Mmmm, tub-o-urine!
kaosdevice (00:27:48 PM): that is the wheezy version of nightvision the British military uses.
Glass Spider (00:28:19 PM): What. A. Pussy.
kaosdevice (00:28:30 PM): Who is that, the Brit Andrew Zimmern?
Glass Spider (00:28:50 PM): Could be — he’s a total wuss.
kaosdevice (00:28:59 PM): and by out of your league I mean you don’t puke enough for her.
Glass Spider (00:29:07 PM): Is it a siren?
Glass Spider (00:29:31 PM): And then eat them.
kaosdevice (00:29:57 PM): yeah, that first person flash light camera thing isn’t COMPLETELY overused or anything…
Glass Spider (00:30:14 PM): Generic night soundtrack #3, and… Go.
Glass Spider (00:30:36 PM): Her legs ain’t broke!
kaosdevice (00:30:47 PM): Oh hell, I was hoping he would wander across something that would make me care about anything in this movie.
Glass Spider (00:31:13 PM): Chocolates?
Glass Spider (00:31:20 PM): Nooo, EPT.
kaosdevice (00:31:37 PM): Like we didn’t see that a light year away.
kaosdevice (00:32:00 PM): To bad it wasn’t an Early Plot Test.
Glass Spider (00:32:03 PM): Ohhh, so boring. Lot’s of birds out here.
kaosdevice (00:32:13 PM): It’s a Trap!
kaosdevice (00:32:42 PM): Yeah I’ll take my meat with a side of meat and some meat.
Glass Spider (00:33:07 PM): Get me a sticker! Meeeat!
kaosdevice (00:33:29 PM): Evidentially she feels every sentence should contain the word ‘dear’.
Glass Spider (00:33:34 PM): What’s with all the organ meat, anyway? No roasts?
Glass Spider (00:33:53 PM): That’s how you know she’s harmless, dear.
kaosdevice (00:34:06 PM): Why dear, it is liver, with a side of kidney, some brain and chunks of ass fat. Over beans.
Glass Spider (00:34:35 PM): Go, Puker, go!
kaosdevice (00:34:36 PM): drink
Glass Spider (00:34:59 PM): *rimshot*
kaosdevice (00:35:12 PM): steeeeeaaaaammmmmm…..
Glass Spider (00:35:46 PM): The layers of boring are obscuring the layers of tension in this movie.
kaosdevice (00:36:01 PM): I think I got some boring in my eye.
Glass Spider (00:36:09 PM): Wow, she’s obedient.
kaosdevice (00:36:29 PM): He’s getting a blanket for his bum from the boot!
kaosdevice (00:36:44 PM): drink
Glass Spider (00:36:46 PM): Unwashed steampunk killer at large!
kaosdevice (00:37:32 PM): hisssss…..gasssssp….hissss….gasp….they are being stalked by a guy in an iron lung.
kaosdevice (00:38:30 PM): look at all this menacing stinky stuff! I better comb through it for no damn reason!
Glass Spider (00:39:04 PM): I know it’s totally lame, but I would explore the dark tool shed full of rusty cutting implements. It’s just who I am.
Glass Spider (00:39:48 PM): All these guys are weak, and the girls are all gaggers.
kaosdevice (00:39:53 PM): Hannah! Follow the sound of my ratty moustache!
Glass Spider (00:39:59 PM): I don’t want any of them to make it.
kaosdevice (00:40:15 PM): She’s having a heavy flow month.
Glass Spider (00:40:24 PM): I Pant on Your Grave.
Glass Spider (00:40:44 PM): Chew it off! It’s the only way!
kaosdevice (00:40:52 PM): What is that mask? Is he a young leprous Santa?
Glass Spider (00:41:01 PM): Aww, Curly bit it.
kaosdevice (00:41:24 PM): This movie makes me wish I had stock in the British karo syrup industry.
Glass Spider (00:41:31 PM): It looks like the Swamp Thing in a duster.
kaosdevice (00:42:08 PM): He’s worthless and weak.
Glass Spider (00:42:15 PM): Douchebag gets it next.
kaosdevice (00:42:36 PM): Ed is too busy being delicious.
Glass Spider (00:42:40 PM): No, no he won’t, because that would make us happy.
Glass Spider (00:43:34 PM): The ‘mouth-breather’ jokes are just too easy.
kaosdevice (00:43:44 PM): not even gratuitous bloody boobs saves this one.
kaosdevice (00:44:23 PM): He was REALLY going to reach in a boiling pot of soup? Was he dropped on his head?
Glass Spider (00:44:23 PM): And by bloody he means reeeeaally bloody, not the Brit slang bloody.
Glass Spider (00:45:16 PM): These people obviously never ate at my gramma’s house.
Glass Spider (00:45:23 PM): Now that was scary.
kaosdevice (00:45:32 PM): Where is the tapioca?
Glass Spider (00:45:51 PM): Needle in the stuffing.
Glass Spider (00:46:00 PM): Band-aid in the gravy.
Glass Spider (00:46:13 PM): Cocktail ring in the spaghetti.
kaosdevice (00:46:24 PM): She’s having a baby jack? Is that like magic jack?
kaosdevice (00:46:31 PM): Wifi via baby?
Glass Spider (00:46:32 PM): Don’t even ask about the meatloaf.
Glass Spider (00:46:54 PM): Awww, ten fingers, ten toes, serial ports…
kaosdevice (00:47:11 PM): The intense emotion of this scene is complemented by the gasping of the villain.
Glass Spider (00:47:29 PM): I thought that was just me yawning.
Glass Spider (00:47:52 PM): Booooo–
Glass Spider (00:47:57 PM): –ooooring
kaosdevice (00:47:58 PM): Well this guy should wind up in the shed, he is a complete tool.
Glass Spider (00:48:31 PM): What’s there, a werewolf in that car?
kaosdevice (00:48:34 PM): If the sweaty truck is rockin’ don’t come a knockin’.
Glass Spider (00:48:44 PM): They must have only had rights to the one song.
Glass Spider (00:49:30 PM): Oh, hell. I should’ve wished for money! I wasted it!
kaosdevice (00:49:35 PM): Sheesh a donkey would envy the teeth on that guy.
Glass Spider (00:49:43 PM): The douche *is* going to get it next.
Glass Spider (00:49:57 PM): Give that man a carrot!
Glass Spider (00:50:30 PM): Loooouud eating.
kaosdevice (00:50:31 PM): I still think that killer needs to clean that filthy place up. Doesn’t he know proper OSHA meat handling procedures?
Glass Spider (00:50:36 PM): Is that gristle pie?
Glass Spider (00:51:09 PM): Press-on nail in the pudding? You get the prize!
kaosdevice (00:51:21 PM): He can recognize a person from a fingernail? What is this CSI Midwichshirehampton?
Glass Spider (00:51:39 PM): 1986 called, they want that sweater back.
kaosdevice (00:52:11 PM): amateur dentistry is his hobby, drooling is his passion.
Glass Spider (00:52:18 PM): Ach! He’s a drooly steampunk.
Glass Spider (00:52:48 PM): Does that count as sexual? I’m drinking anyway.
kaosdevice (00:53:10 PM): Man, these idiots are drawn to this slaughterhouse like junebugs to a screendoor in summer.
Glass Spider (00:53:23 PM): And just as smart.
Glass Spider (00:53:45 PM): They keep bouncing against it like it won’t be there the next time.
Glass Spider (00:54:05 PM): Drink!
kaosdevice (00:54:10 PM): Give him a good screamin’ at, that’ll fend him off.
Glass Spider (00:54:57 PM): I’m telling’ ya: No cell, big guns. Nuff said.
Glass Spider (00:55:21 PM): I don’t understand a single thing they just screamed at each other.
kaosdevice (00:55:24 PM): Movie, you just decided to call it in from here on out didn’t you?
Glass Spider (00:55:57 PM): Meredith, I’d like to use my Phone-a-Plot lifeline.
kaosdevice (00:56:39 PM): What the hell, did the killer turn into a shoggoth or something? What was with all that noise?
Glass Spider (00:56:39 PM): Seriously, that sweater looked sooo much hotter on Samantha Fox.
Glass Spider (00:57:19 PM): He stopped hammering on the door seconds ago; it must be safe to run now!
Glass Spider (00:57:49 PM): Spotty girls need love too.
kaosdevice (00:58:17 PM): I’ve been more unnerved by toenail clipping than this scene.
Glass Spider (00:58:23 PM): That wall is like my eyes.
Glass Spider (00:58:51 PM): Give us a kiss, dear.
kaosdevice (00:58:52 PM): Benjy? Oh you scamp!
Glass Spider (00:59:12 PM): These prissy chicks never had a chance.
kaosdevice (00:59:16 PM): He won’t eat th’ breeding’ stock.
Glass Spider (00:59:29 PM): Where’s the head butting and crotch kicking?
kaosdevice (01:00:04 PM): Where’s Jiwl? What language is that?
Glass Spider (01:00:48 PM): Aye, it’s the Queen’s bloody English, you Yank barbarian!
kaosdevice (01:00:55 PM): As a fellow Matt with asthma I actually kind of feel for that character, but not enough not to want to watch him get slaughtered.
Glass Spider (01:01:13 PM): What a hum-drum, sad little movie.
kaosdevice (01:01:46 PM): You’ll be safe, sound and seasoned.
Glass Spider (01:02:01 PM): Mmmm, dry rub?
Glass Spider (01:02:36 PM): So the last pathetic cannibal flick we watched had a Rebecca (or Rebecker, if you prefer)…
kaosdevice (01:02:43 PM): wow , he literally bitch slapped him there at one point.
Glass Spider (01:02:49 PM): And this one has a Matt. What’s up?
kaosdevice (01:03:01 PM): weird, I agree.
kaosdevice (01:03:19 PM): I think we know where the rest of this is going.
Glass Spider (01:03:29 PM): "Hey, Squirrel-Face! How ya like me now?"
Glass Spider (01:03:46 PM): Oh. Medium-rare, I guess.
kaosdevice (01:03:56 PM): It is herbalroofie tea, like my gran used to make.
Glass Spider (01:04:11 PM): Oh, look. She’s dressed for dinner.
kaosdevice (01:05:00 PM): this movie is as predictable as a multiplication table.
Glass Spider (01:05:00 PM): Enter obvious cannibal puns, stage left.
Glass Spider (01:05:35 PM): 8 x 4 = I’m scratching out my eyes, now.
Glass Spider (01:05:51 PM): Cat?
Glass Spider (01:06:30 PM): The no-slip gumrubbers really make that transparent skirt pop.
kaosdevice (01:06:36 PM): I know it is supposed to be creepy, but I just want to stab it with a salad fork.
kaosdevice (01:06:54 PM): That’s how this movie makes me feel.
Glass Spider (01:06:57 PM): Mmmm, acid-cooked, just like ma used to make.
kaosdevice (01:07:14 PM): please be the end…no?
Glass Spider (01:07:16 PM): It feels like it.
Glass Spider (01:07:27 PM): A year later, I mean.
kaosdevice (01:07:28 PM): I hate you movie.
kaosdevice (01:08:02 PM): feels like I’ve been watching this damn thing for a year.
Glass Spider (01:08:03 PM): No part of the cadaver is wasted — unlike the time I spent watching this.
Glass Spider (01:08:41 PM): Movie, Beck called; she wants her 90 minutes back.
Glass Spider (01:09:14 PM): Mmmm, fresh baby.
kaosdevice (01:09:38 PM): 10 million corpses strong…annnnnd groooowing….
Glass Spider (01:09:50 PM): Splish-splash, I was blendin’ some guts… all upon a Saturday night.
Glass Spider (01:10:22 PM): You should really cook that a little. Germs, you know.
Glass Spider (01:10:45 PM): Early reprieve!!!
kaosdevice (01:10:49 PM): finally. The length of the movie was a kindness really.
Glass Spider (01:11:40 PM): Gnaw — where 75 minutes feels like a month. I think I’m getting cramps.
Glass Spider (01:12:02 PM): And, cue the One Song!

[  Mood: Sick ]
We’ve selected our next punishment. 2009’s ‘Gnaw’. Tune in for the wails of agony as we try to protect our sanity and answer the following questions:

Will there be pigs?
Will Spidey kick over the TV or a hole in the wall in bitter frustration?
Will Kaosdevice fall asleep?

Date/Time will be posted if you want to join in, but why in the world would you want to? We are trying to protect YOU after all.

CD is getting a brief reprieve as we are looking for a new film and one of us is doing things for the start of their new business. Give us a day or so, we’ll be back in the video pillory for you all.

Well, we’ve found our next movie to protect you from. We’ll be watching it later today. Like usual I would invite people in, but this one? This one we wouldn’t inflict on anyone else.

Our writhings in agony will be up soon.

[  Mood: Angry ]
We suffered (seriously) through ‘The Terminators’ (2009)

The Terminators @ Amazon

With your hosts/punchingbags-Glass Spider & KaosDevice.

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kaosdevice (-0:02:07): Today’s cinematic dose of the bubonic is ‘The Terminators’ (not to be confused with any iteration of *the* Terminator franchise, not that they would let you know) – 2009. Remember, we are here to save you.
kaosdevice (0:00:03 ): aaaaaaand we are starting now.
kaosdevice (0:00:52 ): not just any Martinez, A Martinez
Glass Spider (0:01:17 ): Yay, an underemployed London brother, and A Martinez… is this the Old and the Pitiful?
kaosdevice (0:01:25 ): in space nobody can hear you yawn.
Glass Spider (0:01:50 ): Looooooooong establishing shot — okay, we’re in space, we get it!
kaosdevice (0:02:33 ): HQ is sending up for the TR’s with LS for the STF for G43 stat on level 8
Glass Spider (0:02:56 ): So far I’ve seen Outer Limits with better production, and Tales from the Darksides with comparable dialogue.
kaosdevice (0:03:34 ): Free Trade Beowulf can you hear me (ooop sorry old nerdy gamer reference).
Glass Spider (0:04:04 ): "Your letters and commands bore me… Allow me to remove your heart." *schploiiikk!*
kaosdevice (0:04:32 ): It is the uprising of the steroid endowed!
kaosdevice (0:04:51 ): massive robot ‘roid rage!
kaosdevice (0:05:28 ): and switch the phase couplers.
Glass Spider (0:05:42 ): At 4 and a half minutes we get the endoskeleton degloving. They’re gonna shoot their FX wad while they’re sure we’re still awake.
kaosdevice (0:05:52 ): he didn’t just say ‘god help us all’.
Glass Spider (0:06:27 ): SeaQuest, do you read?
Glass Spider (0:06:34 ): I read only good books!
kaosdevice (0:07:02 ): go bananas, seriously? Go bananas?
kaosdevice (0:07:35 ): Before all our base belong to them.
kaosdevice (0:08:04 ): Well at least this move looks to be pig free so far.
Glass Spider (0:08:05 ): That actress can’t even figure out what to do with her hands.
Glass Spider (0:08:29 ): *Are* belong to them.
Glass Spider (0:10:38 ): God, this movie is turning us against one another…
kaosdevice (0:10:45 ): Man, Hawk the Slayer had better effects.
Glass Spider (0:10:51 ): Just so we don’t have to pretend to watch it.
Glass Spider (0:11:29 ): Feels like I should be watching this in 3D glasses.
kaosdevice (0:11:33 ): He ‘feels’ like they’ve been breached? Is he trying to get in touch with his inner breaching?
kaosdevice (0:12:10 ): Their alarm system is made of meerkats evidently.
Glass Spider (0:12:14 ): They only had 2 machine gunfire sounds, and they used ’em all up.
Glass Spider (0:12:58 ): A very splashy movie, blood-wise.
kaosdevice (0:13:12 ): Wow the future is just like the present except with twice as many idiots.
kaosdevice (0:14:41 ): A bomb of lameness exploded in downtown!
Glass Spider (0:14:55 ): Hey, find us a stew-bum we can clean up to look like Tom Sizemore!
Glass Spider (0:15:07 ): We don’t want anyone to upstage A Martinez…
kaosdevice (0:15:21 ): Depending on wind vectors we could have a cloud of lame here in two hours!
Glass Spider (0:15:55 ): What was that pipe made of? Wolverine’s spine?
kaosdevice (0:15:58 ): This movie loves its crap CGI effects.
Glass Spider (0:16:14 ): About as good as Mega Snake!
Glass Spider (0:16:39 ): That gun is compensating for something…
kaosdevice (0:16:57 ): They even try to make the music echo back to the real Terminator movies, I haven’t seen this much outright thievery since Enron.
Glass Spider (0:17:41 ): That scream was not convincing — They should have told her this movie was another hour long or something.
Glass Spider (0:17:57 ): More splashes, and meat-beating noises.
kaosdevice (0:18:51 ): I’ve wanted to say that to this movie for awhile.
Glass Spider (0:18:55 ): I don’t know what the Foley artist got for this job, but it should have been 5 to 10.
Glass Spider (0:19:39 ): The Bernie-nators?
Glass Spider (0:19:50 ): The Termi-Madhoffs?
kaosdevice (0:19:56 ): The Terminators Rise of The What The Hell Ever.
Glass Spider (0:20:08 ): Of my gorge.
kaosdevice (0:20:25 ): Why does her gun have a cork in it?
Glass Spider (0:20:47 ): At least the remake of "V" can’t suck this hard.
Glass Spider (0:20:59 ): Splashes! Drink!
kaosdevice (0:21:48 ): maybe she is calling a better movie to come save her.
Glass Spider (0:22:01 ): The FX department must have got a discount on stage blood.
kaosdevice (0:22:18 ): big run on Karo syrup that day.
Glass Spider (0:22:37 ): I’ve seen more realistic splatter effects in Tekken.
kaosdevice (0:22:50 ): hey, possible nudity coming up!
Glass Spider (0:23:03 ): They couldn’t even afford the real Jason Mewes.
kaosdevice (0:23:25 ): just you, me and your boobs.
Glass Spider (0:23:53 ): Her butt is better — splash! Dead. Drink.
kaosdevice (0:24:11 ): stop in the name of my arms!
Glass Spider (0:24:45 ): Random name? Sound guy? Black extra?
kaosdevice (0:25:20 ): Random girl that knows everything, thank goodness. Maybe she will also tell us why we are watching this.
Glass Spider (0:25:43 ): The crew of Kirk’s Enterprise swayed much more convincingly — that was just embarrassing.
Glass Spider (0:26:03 ): Splash!
kaosdevice (0:26:12 ): Quick let’s go from one random industrial complex to another random industrial complex!
Glass Spider (0:26:21 ): Gonna hafta get a beer, I guess.
Glass Spider (0:26:56 ): Probably got really cheap rates on a lot of empty warehouses.
Glass Spider (0:27:04 ): The recession, you know.
Glass Spider (0:27:17 ): Sounds like Jack Bauer…
kaosdevice (0:27:47 ): he’s running out of time!
kaosdevice (0:28:06 ): ooooh, she’s EMOTING!
Glass Spider (0:28:32 ): A… single… sparkling… saline-drop… I mean, tear.
kaosdevice (0:28:43 ): They need a map to find their way out of this film.
Glass Spider (0:29:12 ): Sway this way! Sway that way! We’re under attack!
Glass Spider (0:29:53 ): This is so bad, even Robert Englund said, "Nah, I’m washing my hair that week."
kaosdevice (0:29:56 ): Man cell phones in the near future really suck.
kaosdevice (0:30:31 ): They should have gone for the giant off road model van.
Glass Spider (0:30:40 ): I’m starting to wish I was a machine.
Glass Spider (0:31:02 ): VANZILLA!
kaosdevice (0:31:20 ): In the near future this movie will try and hunt mankind to extinction.
Glass Spider (0:31:39 ): Oohhhh, always gotta take out the black extra.
Glass Spider (0:31:53 ): I thought Obama changed everything!
kaosdevice (0:32:08 ): The Bore-anator.
Glass Spider (0:32:35 ): She was almost the only believable actor, so she had to go.
kaosdevice (0:32:37 ): what is with the echo? Is this forest in a cave?
Glass Spider (0:33:05 ): That Shaminator’s got back!
kaosdevice (0:33:21 ): ‘Try’ to stay alive?
Glass Spider (0:33:36 ): We don’t even know why it’s killing everyone. Should we care?
kaosdevice (0:33:51 ): TAH DAH!
kaosdevice (0:34:15 ): quit being mysterious in the name of the law!
Glass Spider (0:34:25 ): Try not — Die, or die not. There is no try.
kaosdevice (0:35:19 ): Dear movie, I hate you. Sincerely, Me.
kaosdevice (0:35:59 ): neither can I
Glass Spider (0:36:13 ): Martinez is really working that actor-muscle. He only sounds a little like he’s reading off a teleprompter.
kaosdevice (0:36:45 ): wow, he is a serious anti-smoker.
Glass Spider (0:37:45 ): Gawd, was Robert Beltran really too busy for this flick?
kaosdevice (0:37:53 ): Evidently that was just great.
Glass Spider (0:38:28 ): Well, he can’t be a Shaminator — he worships at a creepy shed-shrine.
kaosdevice (0:38:42 ): Cheesum Shatner has shorter dramatic pauses than this guy.
Glass Spider (0:39:04 ): He speaks slowly to fill airtime.
Glass Spider (0:39:32 ): If he talked like people, this movie’d only be 70 minutes long.
Glass Spider (0:41:19 ): "You can trust me; I’m wearing a raggedy trucker’s cap."
Glass Spider (0:42:08 ): "We don’t care if you volunteer, you’re just the extra."
kaosdevice (0:42:39 ): The dialogue in this movie is amazing. In the horrible car accident kind of way.
Glass Spider (0:42:40 ): They’re just… so… startled!
kaosdevice (0:42:54 ): Wait I still have some panting to do!
kaosdevice (0:43:26 ): need to feel them up?
kaosdevice (0:43:30 ): oh wait.
Glass Spider (0:43:39 ): Did Jack Bauer just show up?
Glass Spider (0:44:10 ): This movie needs more Redshirts.
Glass Spider (0:44:34 ): I’d like to use that gun on this movie.
kaosdevice (0:44:47 ): That sheriff has the gravitas of an Orange Julius.
Glass Spider (0:44:57 ): Where’s their Wookie?
kaosdevice (0:45:30 ): or time
Glass Spider (0:45:32 ): Hey, Orange Julius was my favorite Globetrotter! Or, wait, what?
Glass Spider (0:46:17 ): You said it, cheap, bulky Natalie Portman-knockoff!
kaosdevice (0:46:32 ): Ok, I’ll be over here contemplating suicide.
Glass Spider (0:47:40 ): Sooooo, these girls are like, what, Fox Force Five?
kaosdevice (0:47:42 ): Another Termin…I mean TR!
kaosdevice (0:48:37 ): You got it MacGruber
Glass Spider (0:48:41 ): They’ve got a car thief, an explosives expert, a tough black girl… where’s their knife-thrower?
Glass Spider (0:49:06 ): More echoing… It’s the sound of my interest, trapped in a well.
kaosdevice (0:49:19 ): There is that echo again, WTH>= movie.
Glass Spider (0:49:34 ): Squish. Drink!
kaosdevice (0:50:59 ): Ye gods this is awful
Glass Spider (0:51:04 ): Man, I’m so bored.
kaosdevice (0:51:36 ): This movie can’t make me care enough about it to hate it.
Glass Spider (0:51:43 ): The highway in the background made me think there’s a more interesting movie going on back there…
kaosdevice (0:52:09 ): Did he just say ‘keep that manatee’?
Glass Spider (0:52:22 ): Somebody off the crybaby dude.
Glass Spider (0:52:42 ): Send him out to be shaminated! Splashy-style!
kaosdevice (0:52:52 ): This is touching, in a bad uncle kinda way.
Glass Spider (0:53:37 ): They didn’t waste any dollars on sets. How frugal of them.
kaosdevice (0:54:09 ): Well they to save the money for actors of this caliber.
Glass Spider (0:54:17 ): And if this is supposed to be in the PacNW, why does everything look like SoCal?
Glass Spider (0:55:03 ): ssnnnoooooorre…
Glass Spider (0:55:36 ): The tension in this scene is as thick as skim milk.
Glass Spider (0:56:37 ): Somebody slap her. You’re supposed to slap the hysterical ones, right?
Glass Spider (0:57:26 ): This movie stole my stereo and sold it for drugs!
kaosdevice (0:57:27 ): I wasn’t snoring, really
kaosdevice (0:57:39 ): I was resting my eyes.
Glass Spider (0:57:43 ): Dude, thought you left me out here alone.
Glass Spider (0:57:50 ): Not cool.
Glass Spider (0:57:58 ): DRINK!!!
kaosdevice (0:58:19 ): I can’t believe how dull this is.
Glass Spider (0:58:26 ): Ahhh, the old fist through the skull bit. Love that one.
Glass Spider (0:59:19 ): It’s making me angry. I shouldn’t watch something this boring.
Glass Spider (0:59:43 ): OMFG, we’re only an hour into this shit-mess!
Glass Spider (1:01:06 ): Dime-store Natalie Portman is right! We *ARE* gonna make it!
Glass Spider (1:02:22 ): Every single gun only makes one sound. Is this right?
kaosdevice (1:02:22 ): That was to gun battles what nerf is to bullets.
kaosdevice (1:02:56 ): Wow, what a craaaaazy reveal. Whippity ding dong.
Glass Spider (1:03:06 ): Oh, what an earth-shattering shock. He’s a Shaminator.
kaosdevice (1:03:43 ): I need something to smack myself with to keep awake ‘case this movie sure ain’t doing it.
Glass Spider (1:03:55 ): A Martinez’s endoskeleton is made of Reynolds Wrap.
kaosdevice (1:04:15 ): It is made of dulltanium.
Glass Spider (1:04:20 ): That’s why the aliens’ code breakers can’t hack into his motherboard.
kaosdevice (1:04:38 ): they are flying space Winnebago’s.
Glass Spider (1:04:40 ): I don’t even know what that means.
Glass Spider (1:05:06 ): I’m just trying to make up something more interesting than this movie.
kaosdevice (1:05:17 ): this has to be a scifi errrr…syfy channel piece of rubbish.
kaosdevice (1:06:42 ): Hey he’s an Obama supporter!
Glass Spider (1:06:45 ): I just don’t understand how he can be metal underneath when he’s so obviously wooden on top…
Glass Spider (1:07:03 ): Back to the echoing.
kaosdevice (1:07:23 ): hang on to something, accelerating to Stupid Factor 5!
Glass Spider (1:07:39 ): Maybe A Martinez is a steam-punk terminator.
kaosdevice (1:08:06 ): He is an old eunuch er unit.
Glass Spider (1:08:38 ): We should have picked something else to drink on. This is too painful to be this sober.
kaosdevice (1:08:57 ): It is Bad Runner meets the Boreinator
Glass Spider (1:09:28 ): How long do we have to play this out? We get it, he has your memories, they all do.
kaosdevice (1:09:42 ): Oh for the love of sweetweasles.
Glass Spider (1:11:02 ): Yay, an army of Shaminators! We may get to drink lots on this part…
kaosdevice (1:11:29 ): We feel pain, that’s for sure and anger.
kaosdevice (1:12:10 ): Back to the space hubcap!
kaosdevice (1:12:27 ): From this movie
Glass Spider (1:12:34 ): Lawdy, I don’t have words for how lame this is.
kaosdevice (1:13:05 ): I’m glad I don’t have a razor laying around because I don’t have anything covering my jugular.
Glass Spider (1:13:18 ): This makes Jason X look like Citizen Kane.
Glass Spider (1:13:42 ): DRRIIIIINNK!
Glass Spider (1:14:07 ): Hey, that looks like *your* computer room!
Glass Spider (1:15:23 ): They couldn’t even afford a score for this rocket ship to the end of my patience. It’s quiet, dull, and stupid.
kaosdevice (1:15:51 ): glug
kaosdevice (1:16:09 ): Yaaaaaaahhhhh!
kaosdevice (1:16:14 ): Who says that?
Glass Spider (1:16:25 ): How come he’s wearing a Mardi Gras mask?
kaosdevice (1:16:44 ): Hey they found a pause button. What is with that goofy noise in the background?
Glass Spider (1:17:38 ): Where the hell did this petulant lady come from?
Glass Spider (1:18:25 ): The Foley guy recorded a bog fulla horny frogs for this soundtrack.
kaosdevice (1:18:58 ): This new computer is fighting against this stupid plot, I don’t know how to fight back!
Glass Spider (1:19:09 ): He should have recorded video as well; it’d be more interesting…
Glass Spider (1:19:45 ): And draining my will to live.
kaosdevice (1:20:26 ): Are those like the sounds of electronic chickens I am hearing?
Glass Spider (1:20:44 ): I wonder if the beefcake Shaminator got scale for each kill-bot he played…
kaosdevice (1:21:05 ): Hicks? Really?
Glass Spider (1:21:12 ): Mmmmm, thank you for food.
Glass Spider (1:21:45 ): Except now, I have the strength to see how much I want to destroy this crapfest of a movie.
Glass Spider (1:22:07 ): Drink.
kaosdevice (1:22:21 ): Let me check the obvious meter. Not\….././Utterly. Yup there’s your ending right there.
kaosdevice (1:22:58 ): I got blood in my stool! You hear me! What the hell was that guy yelling?
Glass Spider (1:23:39 ): Yes, stagger backwards and whimper ineffectually — that way the mummy-walking endoskeleton can catch you more easily.
kaosdevice (1:24:02 ): eeeeeellllectronic chickens! That’s my new band name.
kaosdevice (1:24:47 ): What is with the fricking back and forth echo? It is like driving through the bland canyon.
Glass Spider (1:24:58 ): A 20 hour Myst-playing marathon is more action-packed than this.
kaosdevice (1:25:20 ): Aw mutual panting, feel like I am watching some sweet, sweet porn.
Glass Spider (1:25:50 ): Aw, in space no one can hear you be gob smacked.
kaosdevice (1:25:53 ): Whew, at least the movie was kind in the fact that it is finally over.
kaosdevice (1:26:56 ): What a pathetic piece of crap topped with a thumping techno beat for the credits, which oddly, was better than the film itself.

[  Mood: Sick ]
We’ve recovered from the last movie. Spidey was let out of the hospital and her contusions, while horrible, seem to be healing. KaosDevice has been doing better since the anti-crapfilm medication has kicked in but he still has the occasional shakes and the nightmares.

We are currently evaluating the next film to try and protect you all from, watch this space for updates.

[  Mood: Angry ]
My Bloody Valentine @ Amazon

Horrible, just..horrible

With your hosts:

Glass Spider

and KaosDevice

————————-

kaosdevice (-0:59:41 AM): Today’s fiesta of agony is the remake of ‘My Bloody Valentine’ in 3D (we got glasses). This will suck in any D and the pain starts now.
Glass Spider (-0:59:47 AM): I’m having a hard time imagining how this could suck harder than the original.
kaosdevice (00:00:09 ): I’m already headachy and the movie hasn’t even really started.
Glass Spider (00:00:36 ): At least the ‘Za is awesome.
kaosdevice (00:01:04 ): The paper 3D glasses are more of a defense I think, from this movie.
Glass Spider (00:01:10 ): MORE reading? Didn’t we have enough of this in ‘Seed’?
Glass Spider (00:01:35 ): Going down a tunnel to… oh, the loss of hope.
kaosdevice (00:02:03 ): this movie looks to be full of methane
kaosdevice (00:02:27 ): it’s stupornatural!
kaosdevice (00:03:14 ): the screaming is from the screen testers
Glass Spider (00:03:56 ): He should have stuck with John Carpenter movies.
kaosdevice (00:04:16 ): ok, drink when something is shown in 3D for no damn reason.
Glass Spider (00:04:23 ): Wow, great monologue.
Glass Spider (00:04:34 ): Drink.
kaosdevice (00:05:11 ): drink
just kooky kids having fun to hip new music.
Glass Spider (00:05:18 ): Crapalicious ‘modern’ rock.
kaosdevice (00:06:35 ): Sheesh, the credits are going to run through the whole movie. Oh and that chick’s boobs are what got her in the film, for the 3D value
Glass Spider (00:06:52 ): Why does the prude always have the biggest rack?
Glass Spider (00:07:09 ): Venting a little methane of my own — sorry.
kaosdevice (00:07:17 ): my mentally challenged valentine.
Glass Spider (00:07:47 ): Was that Axel or Asshole?
kaosdevice (00:07:56 ): geezer, forehead guy, wheezy? Chicken lips?
kaosdevice (00:08:32 ): monogamy girl,? Soon to be dead kid?
kaosdevice (00:08:56 ): He’s got his wheezin’ respirator on.
kaosdevice (00:09:24 ): drink
Glass Spider (00:09:36 ): Wow, 3D eyeball on a stick — that could be Jeff Dunham’s newest puppet.
kaosdevice (00:09:58 ): Only if it is Dunham’s eyeball on the stick.
Glass Spider (00:10:09 ): Amen.
kaosdevice (00:10:10 ): Dude? Dude?
Glass Spider (00:10:26 ): They waste no time offing people.
kaosdevice (00:10:57 ): Good hopefully they will make this short….nah we couldn’t be so lucky.
Glass Spider (00:11:02 ): Oooooo, it’s coming right at us.
kaosdevice (00:11:30 ): How can they make something so gruesome still be boring?
Glass Spider (00:11:37 ): Call a spade a… dental instrument.
kaosdevice (00:12:10 ): pointless 3D
Glass Spider (00:12:21 ): I am getting some good ideas for (DRINK)
Glass Spider (00:12:45 ): …what to use as weapons in the coming zombie apocalypse.
kaosdevice (00:13:04 ): when I think of party I think of dangerous semi abandoned mine.
Glass Spider (00:13:37 ): Only if it’s a rave.
Glass Spider (00:13:51 ): Or maybe a baby shower.
kaosdevice (00:13:51 ): is this like a half hour film?
Glass Spider (00:14:04 ): We should be so lucky.
kaosdevice (00:14:25 ): he’s having his shaving ryan’s privates moment.
Glass Spider (00:15:07 ): I know he’s a better actor than that… maybe he’s so good he’s lowering himself to the level of the movie.
kaosdevice (00:15:21 ): his name s Axel Hummer? This is so going gay porn.
kaosdevice (00:15:47 ): oh, HOMER
kaosdevice (00:16:14 ): hardened bicycle thieves? Going back to my last statement
Glass Spider (00:16:28 ): So it’s ten years later and he can still only grow that Joe Dirt beard?
kaosdevice (00:16:57 ): He’s a mullet away from a truckzilla rally
Glass Spider (00:17:23 ): 3D camel-toe.
kaosdevice (00:17:40 ): and mooseknuckle there for a sec
kaosdevice (00:18:17 ): you don’t have to get me anything, I’ll be a shameless tramp for free!
Glass Spider (00:18:42 ): Yeeeah, white trash philanderers looooove chocolate hearts.
Glass Spider (00:19:01 ): Shoulda got him malt liquor.
kaosdevice (00:19:32 ): Where you goin’ movie, did you drop some X to go with the thumpin’ rave sound track?
kaosdevice (00:19:57 ): or some black tar heroin?
Glass Spider (00:20:40 ): Dude, I *like* Jensen Ackles, but he’s two slices of bread away from being a tasty ham-n-cheese sandwich.
kaosdevice (00:20:48 ): he has a sexual issue and he is yelling at the kid?
Glass Spider (00:21:32 ): With these glasses on, the pizza sauce on my shirt is scarier than this movie.
Glass Spider (00:21:42 ): It’s coming right at me!
Glass Spider (00:21:59 ): We haaaaave midget!
kaosdevice (00:22:02 ): gratuitous short person, oh and drink.
kaosdevice (00:22:36 ): 3D boobs!
Glass Spider (00:22:53 ): *Natural* 3D boobs!
Glass Spider (00:23:02 ): What’re the odds?
kaosdevice (00:23:16 ): ugh and 3D dude arse.
Glass Spider (00:23:38 ): Okay, we almost saw dangle. I don’t think I could handle that in 3D.
kaosdevice (00:24:00 ): YIPE!
Glass Spider (00:24:17 ): Full frontal! FUULLL FRONTAL!!!
kaosdevice (00:24:27 ): In the 3D
Glass Spider (00:24:45 ): Uhhhh, *female* full frontal, BTW.
Glass Spider (00:25:03 ): Drink!
kaosdevice (00:25:10 ): That gal isn’t afraid to walk around without her britches.
Glass Spider (00:25:48 ): Is she auditioning for the chrome mudflap girl model?
kaosdevice (00:26:09 ): that is one continuously naked woman, if I was a teen I’d be in my bunk.
Glass Spider (00:26:36 ): You’ll never find me under the bed… unless you’re over the age of 3 and a half.
kaosdevice (00:26:38 ): She’s being chased by Darth Vader?
kaosdevice (00:27:22 ): That wacky Louis *cue canned laughter*
Glass Spider (00:27:24 ): Shorty’s got a pair! Wow, what a talent pool.
kaosdevice (00:27:54 ): Mmmm fried dwarf, it’s what’s for lunch!
Glass Spider (00:28:05 ): Awww, what gave me away? The enormous stripper heels?
Glass Spider (00:28:33 ): Pickaxe has a longer reach than that, Nudey.
Glass Spider (00:28:51 ): *spatter* Drink!
kaosdevice (00:29:03 ): did that woman ever have clothes on in this movie?
Glass Spider (00:29:32 ): Yeah, like hours.
kaosdevice (00:29:35 ): back when I loved slutty naked chicks.
Glass Spider (00:30:07 ): Uhhhh, goooooo.
Glass Spider (00:30:14 ): He sure has a way with words.
kaosdevice (00:30:27 ): pardon me while I get gaspy and breathless at the sight of you, because you are amazing
kaosdevice (00:30:55 ): blah, freakitty blah blah
Glass Spider (00:31:02 ): Did she take acting tips from Kristen Kruek?
kaosdevice (00:31:41 ): I don’t know if it is the glasses or the movie itself giving me a raw nerve headache.
Glass Spider (00:32:02 ): Soooo, she got the Sheriff?
kaosdevice (00:32:14 ): she didn’t get no deputy.
Glass Spider (00:32:56 ): Yay, we get to see naked dead chick running away.
Glass Spider (00:33:34 ): 3D make me slo-mo.
kaosdevice (00:33:41 ): he got a bloody valentine, duh duh duuuuuh! Emphasis on the duh.
kaosdevice (00:34:26 ): I want to curse and take a swing at this movie.
Glass Spider (00:34:46 ): These crotchety old farts should be in the bowling alley; I understand it’s safe there.
kaosdevice (00:35:39 ): ah, the lame cursory accusations, always a good plot move.
Glass Spider (00:35:40 ): I wonder if he misses being the leading man to actresses wayyyyy too young for him…
Glass Spider (00:36:10 ): And it’s porn! A twofer!
Glass Spider (00:36:23 ): A snuffer twofer!
kaosdevice (00:36:35 ): this movie confuses cursing for dialogue
Glass Spider (00:36:59 ): Of course he misses it; he used to pretend boff Jamie Lee, for monkey’s sake.
kaosdevice (00:37:14 ): Who in the world names their kid Axel? I mean seriously.
Glass Spider (00:37:34 ): Besides Vikings, you mean?
kaosdevice (00:37:40 ): drink!
kaosdevice (00:38:06 ): Come sail away, on the briny seas of stupidity!
Glass Spider (00:38:40 ): This *is* a worse remake — at least I could laugh at the old one.
Glass Spider (00:39:05 ): This is just snoozy melodrama.
kaosdevice (00:39:15 ): He’s a runner that wishes he could but he can’t and lost his way sort of like this movie and us.
Glass Spider (00:39:17 ): Oooo, and burpy.
kaosdevice (00:39:50 ): pointless 3D! Tah Dah!
Glass Spider (00:39:51 ): He’s just a drifter, alone in his loner loneliness. Alone.
kaosdevice (00:40:19 ): This movie is going to kill me.
Glass Spider (00:40:32 ): Best part? Don’t know what color *anything* is supposed to be.
kaosdevice (00:40:54 ): And not figuratively, I will be dead at the end of it from overwhelming I don’t give a crapitude.
Glass Spider (00:42:26 ): We’re gonna do shots. It’s purely medicinal.
Glass Spider (00:42:32 ): Don’t try this at home.
kaosdevice (00:42:41 ): It’s Darth Murder!
Glass Spider (00:42:46 ): Also, done watch this movie.
Glass Spider (00:43:08 ): Just read our blog so you know where to find the 3D boobies.
kaosdevice (00:43:15 ): That’ll leave a mark
Glass Spider (00:43:24 ): And a stain.
kaosdevice (00:43:42 ): It’s the siren warning the miners to flee this movie!
Glass Spider (00:44:08 ): Sorry, that should’ve said "Don’t" watch this movie.
kaosdevice (00:44:27 ): why does he have deep space gear on?
Glass Spider (00:45:07 ): He’s like an armored cyclops.
Glass Spider (00:45:15 ): Cyclopsadillo.
kaosdevice (00:45:15 ): so he is like a ghost only really boring and violent?
kaosdevice (00:45:30 ): he needs a Jan hand
kaosdevice (00:45:58 ): drink
Glass Spider (00:46:15 ): Maybe the girl from The Uninvited did it.
kaosdevice (00:46:26 ): or some pigs
Glass Spider (00:46:38 ): You can cover your beefcake now.
kaosdevice (00:46:57 ): I’ve got a hairy warden, I call it my codpiece
Glass Spider (00:47:25 ): Oooooohhh, she’s a redhead. Kinda cute that way.
kaosdevice (00:47:42 ): those are some wonderful 3D boobs
Glass Spider (00:48:00 ): It’s Sheriff Dirt, being totally unintimidating.
Glass Spider (00:48:28 ): They’re aaalllllll boobs in this picture.
kaosdevice (00:48:51 ): Let’s check the meter on the not caring tank. E\..\……/F damn near empty.
Glass Spider (00:49:28 ): Animows? What kind of accent is that?
kaosdevice (00:49:40 ): they should have buried the movie right next to him.
Glass Spider (00:50:01 ): At least you *know* it was dead.
kaosdevice (00:50:14 ): this film was stillborn.
Glass Spider (00:50:27 ): And killed its mother.
Glass Spider (00:50:43 ): And killed my dog.
kaosdevice (00:50:51 ): after raping it.
Glass Spider (00:51:09 ): And feeding it chocolate. Hearts.
kaosdevice (00:51:33 ): well it is valentines or something, hell I don’t know anymore.
Glass Spider (00:51:37 ): Soooo, professional.
Glass Spider (00:52:06 ): My brain hurts.
kaosdevice (00:52:23 ): Hey the town has *A* black guy. I didn’t think that happened in Whiterton.
Glass Spider (00:52:47 ): He’s also a cop. Can you say ‘Redshirt’?
kaosdevice (00:53:21 ): If I was that character I would catch the next bus out of this movie.
Glass Spider (00:53:47 ): Better a bus than that Bronco. What a P.O.S.
kaosdevice (00:54:30 ): Man I’ve had naked back in high school dreams that were more frightening than this flick.
Glass Spider (00:54:30 ): Getting motion-sick, now.
Glass Spider (00:55:03 ): Aaaaahhhhh! Pizza sauce!
kaosdevice (00:55:17 ): upcoming pointless 3D!
Glass Spider (00:55:29 ): At least the horn section is awake.
kaosdevice (00:55:32 ): ding!
Glass Spider (00:55:41 ): Aaaaand cue the tympani.
Glass Spider (00:56:11 ): Old guy: check.
kaosdevice (00:56:14 ): I’m going to have to resort to Jameson’s to get through this be right back.
Glass Spider (00:56:34 ): Shotgun: check.
Glass Spider (00:56:50 ): Skeevy bathrobe: check.
Glass Spider (00:57:18 ): All we need is Dennis Hopper and an (DRINK!) oxygen mask.
kaosdevice (00:57:24 ): I…I..I…always loved you!
Glass Spider (00:57:32 ): Drink!
Glass Spider (00:57:47 ): Cripes! Drink!
Glass Spider (00:58:02 ): Uuuuurf.
kaosdevice (00:58:19 ): this is murder, of my soul
Glass Spider (00:58:59 ): I do think she’s cuter as a redhead than as a blonde.
kaosdevice (00:59:17 ): gadzooks this whole scene has pointless in capital letters written on it.
kaosdevice (00:59:34 ): much like the viewers of this movie
Glass Spider (00:59:49 ): Aaaah, Kerr Smith. Who you call when even Skeet Ulrich won’t take the job.
kaosdevice (1:00:12 ): ah pointless annoying character, think she will die?
Glass Spider (1:00:29 ): Only really a question of when.
kaosdevice (1:00:53 ): ominous noise, better go check it out.
kaosdevice (1:01:17 ): trepanation would be a relief after this.
Glass Spider (1:01:17 ): Girl’s got some really big feet, though.
kaosdevice (1:01:47 ): this movie does like its swearin’
Glass Spider (1:02:17 ): Not nearly enough gratuitous boobage to balance it out.
kaosdevice (1:02:35 ): oh goodness, movie, seriously?
Glass Spider (1:02:53 ): They got all their sponsor product-placement out in one long pan-shot.
kaosdevice (1:04:04 ): I’ve never been more under whelmed by a ‘suspenseful’ scene ever.
kaosdevice (1:04:30 ): oh wait, the whole earlier part of this movie, I have to recant.
Glass Spider (1:04:32 ): Movie, you’re supposed to make sure I care about a character before you put them in jeopardy.
Glass Spider (1:05:24 ): Suuuure, look out the window, stupid.
kaosdevice (1:06:14 ): oh feh, just feh. If this movie was a guy standing in this room I would kick it in the groin.
Glass Spider (1:06:26 ): *Now* she triggers the alarm system? She should have stayed blonde. At least we’d have had fair warning.
kaosdevice (1:06:51 ): THAT would at least be entertaining. Right?
Glass Spider (1:07:12 ): I know I’d enjoy it more than this tripe.
kaosdevice (1:07:34 ): what in the hell does a mine have to do with valentines day anyway, was it a date thing?
Glass Spider (1:07:46 ): If this gets any lamer, we’re gonna have to start shotgunning.
kaosdevice (1:08:16 ): Did I miss something when I was looking for something to overdose on rather than watch this?
Glass Spider (1:08:18 ): I think it was the name of the mine.
Glass Spider (1:08:41 ): Didn’t we have this same conversation last movie?
Glass Spider (1:08:56 ): It must be all the not caring.
kaosdevice (1:09:02 ): This would suck even if it was in 4D.
Glass Spider (1:09:24 ): But at least then we’d have control of time and space.
Glass Spider (1:10:02 ): We should have respirators for this thing.
kaosdevice (1:10:16 ): I’d control time and space to make this stupid film not happen. Oh and to have not given that Nigerian prince all my money.
Glass Spider (1:10:24 ): "I’m getting too old for this shit."
kaosdevice (1:11:23 ): Hey it is Swedish horror!
kaosdevice (1:11:30 ): S-Horror
Glass Spider (1:11:32 ): That’s what this movie needs… More Danny Glover!
kaosdevice (1:12:06 ): he got scared by a roomba
Glass Spider (1:12:44 ): Ooohhh, movie, you can stop trying now — you lost me an hour ago.
kaosdevice (1:12:44 ): pointless 3D!
Glass Spider (1:13:11 ): That was one helluva dryer, though.
kaosdevice (1:13:34 ): Oh movie, you don’t have to suck more, you’ve already been bad enough.
Glass Spider (1:14:02 ): This movie could use more of *any* Glover.
kaosdevice (1:14:05 ): he wants to ‘show her something’ if you know what I mean.
Glass Spider (1:14:21 ): Danny.
Glass Spider (1:14:25 ): John.
Glass Spider (1:14:32 ): Crispin, even.
kaosdevice (1:15:00 ): I think they would wash their hands of this or at least their glovers.
Glass Spider (1:15:10 ): "He’s my density!"
kaosdevice (1:15:58 ): He’s calling from inside the car!
Glass Spider (1:16:26 ): Look out, Fans of pain, it’s the Third Act Red Herring call.
kaosdevice (1:16:41 ): Who is the killer? Tyler Durden?
Glass Spider (1:17:00 ): Pizza sauce!
kaosdevice (1:17:01 ): pointless 3D drink!
Glass Spider (1:17:03 ): Drink!
Glass Spider (1:17:43 ): What a twist! Oh, wait, it’s really not.
kaosdevice (1:18:00 ): hey that’s one of mine!
Glass Spider (1:18:18 ): Shoulda wrote yo name on it sucka!
kaosdevice (1:18:49 ): The good part of predictable movies is it really makes that not caring thing a lot easier.
Glass Spider (1:19:13 ): So, how’d a brunette and a redhead have a little towheaded kid, anyway?
kaosdevice (1:19:40 ): they bought him on the open market
kaosdevice (1:20:03 ): towheads are a hot commodity right now
Glass Spider (1:20:51 ): I hoped the 3D glasses would filter out some of the suck, but they really don’t.
kaosdevice (1:21:14 ): weirdly I wish I had a hamster in one of those plastic balls I could throw at the TV right now. Don’t ask me why.
Glass Spider (1:21:36 ): They do leave me with a glimmer of hope that I missed something that made all of this make some kind of sense, though.
Glass Spider (1:21:54 ): That’s just mean.
Glass Spider (1:22:11 ): Hamsters are sweet. And delicious.
kaosdevice (1:22:15 ): You’d need scout training a compass and a map to find any sort of point in this forsaken crapfest.
Glass Spider (1:22:44 ): This outing is making us mean.
kaosdevice (1:23:02 ): this movie makes me want to hurt something small fluffy and cute
Glass Spider (1:23:13 ): Makin’ KD wanna shoot a panda in the head for refusing to propagate.
kaosdevice (1:23:52 ): makes me want to gnaw on Plexiglas
Glass Spider (1:24:23 ): "Don’t move Asshole. I mean Axel."
Glass Spider (1:24:50 ): "He’s the crazy one, not me."
kaosdevice (1:25:02 ): I want to smack this movie upside the head and then kick it repeatedly in the ribs.
Glass Spider (1:25:12 ): "Shoot us both, Spock!"
kaosdevice (1:25:25 ): ask which one the liar is!
kaosdevice (1:25:56 ): shoot me! No I mean me, KD
Glass Spider (1:26:02 ): Do it! Dooooo it!!!
kaosdevice (1:26:13 ): take this movie out of my misery
Glass Spider (1:26:32 ): My glasses are itchy.
Glass Spider (1:27:00 ): Least intense standoff, ever.
Glass Spider (1:27:37 ): Beefcake!
kaosdevice (1:27:43 ): well this is a predictable reveal
Glass Spider (1:27:52 ): Boy’s got some manly shoulders, man.
kaosdevice (1:28:34 ): pointless 3D
Glass Spider (1:28:38 ): Sooooo, boring. Fight Club-lite.
kaosdevice (1:29:09 ): oh what frelling ever.
Glass Spider (1:29:09 ): Might puke. Maybe it’s the beer.
Glass Spider (1:29:17 ): Maybe it’s the glasses.
kaosdevice (1:29:29 ): nah it’s the movie
Glass Spider (1:29:47 ): Definitely not the fear/gross factor of this stupendously boring flick.
kaosdevice (1:30:06 ): This movie need pigs, or cats or rotting dogs.
Glass Spider (1:30:17 ): Aaahhh, my liver!
kaosdevice (1:30:53 ): c’mon movie, you’ve still got some suck left in you!
Glass Spider (1:31:23 ): How can Jensen make me believe he’s a ghost hunter returned from hell, but can’t make me buy this garbage?
Glass Spider (1:31:46 ): Between the eyes.
kaosdevice (1:32:08 ): What is she the Bard from Esgaroth? (ooooh hardcore nerd ref there)
Glass Spider (1:32:09 ): >sssnnoooooore<
kaosdevice (1:32:16 ): drink
Glass Spider (1:32:17 ): Drink!
kaosdevice (1:32:36 ): drink
Glass Spider (1:32:37 ): DRINK!
kaosdevice (1:32:53 ): yipes!
Glass Spider (1:33:02 ): Good damn thing this is almost over; we gonna run outta hooch.
kaosdevice (1:33:25 ): He’s laughing at the fact we watched this whole damn movie.
Glass Spider (1:33:26 ): And it all starts all over again!
Glass Spider (1:33:31 ): Scaaaary.
kaosdevice (1:33:59 ): My Incomprehensible Valentine.
1. Glass Spider (1:34:24 ): My Bloody Suspension of Disbelief.
kaosdevice (1:34:37 ): C’mon movie that’s enough let us go.
Glass Spider (1:34:38 ): My aching ass.
Glass Spider (1:35:35 ): Keep on the lookout for M.B.V.II, The Insulin Coma.

starting in two minutes if anyone wants in,

[  Mood: Angry ]
Kaosdevice is shaving his head so this movie can’t grab his hair and shove his face into the wall. We are watching it this afternoon. If you want in look for kaosdevice on AIM.

[  Mood: Sick ]
We are going to take the ‘My Bloody Valentine’ remake right in the face. We’re going to stand in front of it like it was a semi on the highway and get run over, just so you don’t have to watch it. Do you see how selfless we are?

As always you can join in but, gods help you if you do, this one is going to be espescially bad. Message here or kaosdevice or glassspider if you want to help us protect humanity.