Cinema Destructo

[ Mood: Very Sad ]
Dying Breed @ Amazon

One of us actually fell asleep at the end of this. It was that lame. This was a very rough outing for the team.

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GlassSpider (00:00:05 ): Witness our strength as we eat while viewing this work of fart.
kaosdevice (00:00:45 ): tiger, tiger burning bright
GllassSpider (00:00:52 ): Tasmanian Tiger sighting, ahoy!
GlassSpider (00:01:35 ): Oh, BTW, also based on/ inspired by true events…
kaosdevice (00:02:03 ): In the tiresome long ago people hunted things, and there was much apathy.
GlassSpider (00:02:14 ): Verily!
kaosdevice (00:02:47 ): this guy has got to much whiskey and too little intelligibility.
GlassSpider (00:03:11 ): Why, oh why do all cannibals have such poor dental hygiene?
kaosdevice (00:03:43 ): well, they have terrible dental plans
GlassSpider (00:04:26 ): Not to mention, dinner plans.
GlassSpider (00:04:56 ): Pretty credits. Think they broke the bank?
GlassSpider (00:06:20 ): Giving us things to read is no substitute for actual engagement.
kaosdevice (00:06:27 ): Aw movie, are you really going to start like this? Lame entry, uninteresting characters, lots of kiwi accents?
kaosdevice (00:08:14 ): Spidey’s computer hated this movie so much it killed her connection.
GlassSpider (00:11:33 ): I think that’s the same cafe from Death Proof. Is there only one diner in all of the down under?
kaosdevice (00:12:41 ): need a ham?
GlassSpider (00:12:48 ): Got one.
GlassSpider (00:13:04 ): I guess Aussies don’t believe in film scores.
kaosdevice (00:13:23 ): CSI New Zealand
GlassSpider (00:13:45 ): Um, gross. Gag me with an eel.
GlassSpider (00:14:12 ): Somebody call Andrew Zimmern!
kaosdevice (00:14:16 ): Its moron cam! New reality show.
GlassSpider (00:14:49 ): After the break, we stick forks in wall outlets. Stay tuned!
kaosdevice (00:15:33 ): every other word in this move is OI! It is like being at a cross between a soccer match and the wailing wall.
kaosdevice (00:16:41 ): its j horror kiwi style! K-Horror!
GlassSpider (00:16:59 ): Tannin! Not tannin!!! Setting up for a big reveal later… unless you know some things about stuff. Pretty basic.
kaosdevice (00:18:10 ): he says it is all very interesting, but he isn’t watching the same movie we are.
kaosdevice (00:18:47 ): oh, nice try at humor there movie, that was adorable.
GlassSpider (00:18:47 ): This confirms nothing more than the fact that Tasmanians were drunk when they named everything. That "tiger" looks like a hyena.
kaosdevice (00:19:33 ): well when Tasmania was settled they called every thing either tiger or devil.
GlassSpider (00:19:40 ): And here’s the liquor.
GlassSpider (00:19:53 ): Or dragon.
kaosdevice (00:20:36 ): Hey it is another collection of redneck with pigs. Why am I sensing a CD theme here?
GlassSpider (00:20:57 ): "Yew ain’t from around here, are ye?"
kaosdevice (00:21:12 ): Any pigs in here?
kaosdevice (00:21:24 ): Nope, just tortured people.
kaosdevice (00:21:44 ): let’s have a beah!
GlassSpider (00:21:58 ): Yipe. Ice cream sundae to bloody root canal. Gosh… scary.
GlassSpider (00:22:22 ): That’s like the pot and the kettle.
kaosdevice (00:22:48 ): let’s find the crappiest most menacing bar on the side of the road and take a stop there!
GlassSpider (00:23:06 ): Oy! That loo is bleedin’ filthy! Terrifying.
kaosdevice (00:23:36 ): Ok so this woman is going to spend the whole damn movie talking about her dead sister…awesome
GlassSpider (00:23:55 ): Better make friends with that cockroach. May be eating it later.
kaosdevice (00:24:09 ): like a femur
GlassSpider (00:24:21 ): Zing!
kaosdevice (00:24:54 ): we Tasmania rednecks only speak in single words.
kaosdevice (00:25:27 ): and by odd I mean you lot.
kaosdevice (00:26:12 ): lots of bad dancing in Tasmania.
GlassSpider (00:26:21 ): Tell Janet they’re ready to show us more… folk dancing. Dammit.
GlassSpider (00:27:12 ): Good doggie. Dingos stole my baby!
GlassSpider (00:27:31 ): And my interest… huh? What?
kaosdevice (00:27:42 ): Yay boobs!
kaosdevice (00:27:49 ): Or not so much.
GlassSpider (00:28:03 ): Nudity, and it only took half an hour.
GlassSpider (00:28:18 ): Only booty. Sorry.
kaosdevice (00:28:34 ): I wouldn’t call that nudity, sort of lame-ity
GlassSpider (00:28:59 ): Well, maybe a square ass is better than none at all.
kaosdevice (00:29:06 ): will to live slowly slipping away.
GlassSpider (00:29:22 ): They keep talkin’ ’bout pie, and I’m gonna lose my patience.
kaosdevice (00:29:52 ): are they fighting or frakking?
kaosdevice (00:30:40 ): she heard someone watching them?
GlassSpider (00:30:59 ): How do we keep getting sex scenes without a single titty? Those things used to be staples in every single R-rated movie ever made.
GlassSpider (00:31:10 ): Listen… Do you smell something?
kaosdevice (00:31:34 ): I miss those naughty days.
GlassSpider (00:32:13 ): Even a buddy-cop flick had at least one gratuitous boob cam. Now, hell.
kaosdevice (00:32:23 ): I bet that would have been horrifying if you could have seen what the hell was going on.
GlassSpider (00:32:32 ): Let’s have some exploitation, dammit.
GlassSpider (00:32:49 ): Aaaaand, scene!
GlassSpider (00:33:23 ): Know what this movie needs? A laugh-track!
kaosdevice (00:33:40 ): Sweet now we get the Blair Stupid Project
GlassSpider (00:33:43 ): And maybe some Benny Hill music.
kaosdevice (00:34:20 ): If I’m bloody the first thing I do is wipe my face with it.
GlassSpider (00:35:34 ): Well, for Chrissakes, if you’re gonna imply incestuous animal mutant offspring, why can’t you smucking SHOW IT?!?
kaosdevice (00:36:31 ): They are going for Kiwi Deliverance now it seems.
GlassSpider (00:36:36 ): I’m about to weep from boredom. It’s actually making me kinda, um, homicidal.
GlassSpider (00:37:02 ): They gave us a hint when the fella started humming Dueling Banjoes
kaosdevice (00:37:25 ): yeah, the subtlety here is incredible.
GlassSpider (00:37:43 ): Like a brick to the face, yup.
kaosdevice (00:38:28 ): I’ve had strikes to the head with cinderblocks that were more entertaining.
GlassSpider (00:38:35 ): Yeah, never bring a weapon when you’re headed into the untamed wilds.
GlassSpider (00:38:46 ): It’s just gauche.
kaosdevice (00:39:01 ): token American
GlassSpider (00:39:26 ): I do believe this movie’s too prissy to say the work "dick."
GlassSpider (00:39:42 ): How ’bout "yank?"
GlassSpider (00:40:45 ): It would make a pretty setting for The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon.
GlassSpider (00:41:18 ): How would you know if "nobody’s ever seen" these places before, girlie?
GlassSpider (00:42:06 ): This Jack guy’s about 13, emotionally and intellectually.
kaosdevice (00:42:18 ): really movie, you are not only going to steal ideas from other movies, you are going to suck at it and also THEN reference the movies you are swiping from?
GlassSpider (00:42:48 ): Better to "pay homage" than pay legal fees.
GlassSpider (00:43:09 ): Oooooh, moos-porn.
GlassSpider (00:43:20 ): *moss*
kaosdevice (00:43:33 ): This film is paying homage the way the Monkees did to the Beatles.
GlassSpider (00:43:48 ): By flinging feces?
kaosdevice (00:44:01 ): if only
GlassSpider (00:44:04 ): Oh, wait, that’s monkeys.
kaosdevice (00:44:53 ): I think this movie beat me up when I was in middle school and ran off when I was laying there bleeding.
GlassSpider (00:45:20 ): You grow up in Mick Dundee’s back forty, and act surprised when you meet a real-live caveman?
GlassSpider (00:45:25 ): Duck season!
GlassSpider (00:46:01 ): Rabbit season!
GlassSpider (00:46:13 ): Duckseason — FIRE!!
kaosdevice (00:46:31 ): Oh that was…"funny" on their part.
GlassSpider (00:46:35 ): Yay. Guts-humor.
GlassSpider (00:47:08 ): Is the siter a "wee bit psychic?"
GlassSpider (00:47:53 ): [ssnoooooore]
kaosdevice (00:48:08 ): They missed the part in film school where they tried to explain that being disconcerting is different from being pointless.
GlassSpider (00:48:42 ): Hey, a few more crosses on that wall, please. I didn’t quite get the point.
kaosdevice (00:49:07 ): they don’t want to loose their stinky child!!
GlassSpider (00:49:27 ): It’s the smell! The terrifying smell…!
GlassSpider (00:49:53 ): Like curried sweatsocks soaked in old orange juice?
GlassSpider (00:50:23 ): Tell us what the movie tastes like, next.
kaosdevice (00:51:00 ): why do bad movies always have the longest running times? Watching this makes a sucking chest wound sound like a short term problem.
GlassSpider (00:51:05 ): It’s a… "tiger." Like I’m a… "scientist."
GlassSpider (00:51:29 ): Oh, if only that were true.
GlassSpider (00:51:57 ): Heeere, plot-plot-plot…
kaosdevice (00:52:01 ): it’s a Tasmanian slightly large Labrador!
GlassSpider (00:52:46 ): Looks like a coyote humped a zebra. And all the recessive genes won out.
GlassSpider (00:52:59 ): *Flourish!*
GlassSpider (00:53:05 ): Still not scary.
kaosdevice (00:53:18 ): this movie needs to go on walkabout in search of a point.
GlassSpider (00:53:45 ): Bimbo, of the Nine Fingers… And the Dog of Doom….
kaosdevice (00:53:48 ): wow that was a scary as a head cold.
GlassSpider (00:54:27 ): At least no one will accuse the waif of over-acting.
kaosdevice (00:54:35 ): gross sound effects do not a terror scene make.
GlassSpider (00:55:02 ): The cannibal knows about "good parts," at least.
kaosdevice (00:55:14 ): is that kid the same one from our last beating?
GlassSpider (00:55:28 ): First the tongue and cheeks, then the nethers…
kaosdevice (00:55:54 ): now they are going to turn against one another!
GlassSpider (00:56:02 ): I’m the caveman! Show me!
kaosdevice (00:56:15 ): that is some good writing there cap’n
GlassSpider (00:56:22 ): Ooog! Oog-ugh!
kaosdevice (00:56:46 ): the movie is yelling for you there GS
GlassSpider (00:57:11 ): I thought they were yelling "Bear!" Who can tell?
GlassSpider (00:57:15 ): Or care?
GlassSpider (00:57:42 ): Don’t pet the feral child.
GlassSpider (00:58:14 ): Ooooh, if looks could wound.
kaosdevice (00:58:16 ): I feel like this movie is holding a gun to my head, and I wish it would pull the trigger
GlassSpider (00:58:33 ): Well, the actors are scared.
kaosdevice (00:58:34 ): Rebecker? One of the main cultural differences is every name ends with and ‘er’.
kaosdevice (00:58:56 ): Did she beck again?
GlassSpider (00:58:59 ): When the first Becker wasn’t enough…
kaosdevice (00:59:35 ): This flick loves its moist sound effects.
GlassSpider (00:59:52 ): Lord, not the toes! Foot fetishists are going to be so disturbed.
GlassSpider (01:00:26 ): And so they’re cannibals — What, they never heard of barbecue?
kaosdevice (01:00:35 ): What is with this Irish accent in all the kiwi?
GlassSpider (01:00:50 ): Throw another pimp on the barbie? anyone?
GlassSpider (01:01:21 ): I mean, why do they always eat ’em raw?
kaosdevice (01:01:54 ): he used to play in the miners (not minors!)
GlassSpider (01:02:07 ): Well let’s hope.
GlassSpider (01:02:40 ): Notice: "man"-trap. Not "bear"-trap.
kaosdevice (01:02:45 ): hopefully he’ll bring them out of the other side of this movie. In a very short amount of time.
GlassSpider (01:02:53 ): Oh, I got the vapors!
GlassSpider (01:03:10 ): Don’t hold your breath.
kaosdevice (01:03:32 ): I want that hacksaw from the last movie.
GlassSpider (01:04:30 ): Yeah. And the pliers.
GlassSpider (01:06:10 ): Seriously, loud sound-edits and pointy teeth are not the same as interesting content.
GlassSpider (01:06:30 ): Bleeding gums are scary, but only in the mirror.
kaosdevice (01:06:33 ): movie you are killing me, and not in the fun joking way.
GlassSpider (01:07:32 ): This film has no balls.
GlassSpider (01:07:43 ): It is a eunuch.
kaosdevice (01:08:09 ): Oinedja hair? Huh? What language was that?
kaosdevice (01:08:33 ): He can walk! He is a big boy!
GlassSpider (01:08:56 ): It’s loik cultchah, mate!
GlassSpider (01:09:39 ): oh, beer… you never let me down.
GlassSpider (01:09:56 ): Not like this dorky schlock-fest.
kaosdevice (01:10:03 ): “Because it is reck smal ma skiddly do.” *translated from the faux-English
GlassSpider (01:11:12 ): Those are wool-shears. They should not have blood on them. Nor should my ears, but oh well.
kaosdevice (01:11:42 ): This movie ate its own young in order to survive.
GlassSpider (01:11:51 ): Hmm, what’s in the steaming kettle? More plot?
GlassSpider (01:12:23 ): It survived? I thought it died an hour ago.
kaosdevice (01:12:45 ): It’s a lot of boiled kiwi fruit and the dying desire for me to want to live.
GlassSpider (01:13:33 ): Finally some rude flesh, and it’s on a butchered torso. Cheap, movie… really cheap.
kaosdevice (01:13:39 ): A huge change in volume does not equal scary at all ever.
GlassSpider (01:14:16 ): Old man was right, sort of… it’s an Ape-man-trap.
GlassSpider (01:14:28 ): *gurgle*
kaosdevice (01:15:10 ): they must have spent a lot of cash on that latex cast of the nude chick, they keep using it so much.
kaosdevice (01:16:13 ): The New Zealand Lameass Massacre!
GlassSpider (01:16:33 ): Golly, we’re so enthralled, we’re arguing over playback quality.
GlassSpider (01:18:37 ): Oh, yeah. Take us back into the dark so we can’t see how you ran out of movie half an hour ago.
kaosdevice (01:18:43 ): The only way this movie could put me to sleep more is if it was a comfy bed.
GlassSpider (01:19:32 ): Like Blair Witch, only without the great camera-work.
kaosdevice (01:19:48 ): because when you are running there is always a rock to fall on.
GlassSpider (01:20:12 ): Give us Wrong Turn. Give us Jeppers Creepers.
GlassSpider (01:20:51 ): Give us Cabin Fever or Space Chimps.
kaosdevice (01:22:20 ): I wish I was her with the jumping
GlassSpider (01:22:24 ): Or the sweet release of death.
GlassSpider (01:23:17 ): Aaaand, anti-climax.
kaosdevice (01:23:42 ): blurry doesn’t equal ‘artsy’. At least it is almost over. Ok I need to drop the equals running gag, I’m getting as lame as this movie.
GlassSpider (01:23:45 ): This flick should have jumped off that bridge.
GlassSpider (01:24:45 ): Everyone’s offing themselves except the guilty one — Talkin’ ’bout you, movie.
GlassSpider (01:25:28 ): If your movie needs an epilogue, it probably didn’t work.
kaosdevice (01:25:55 ): uncle lead (<—KD actually falls asleep here.)
GlassSpider (01:26:37 ): My pathway heaps lost the ability taw type.
GlassSpider (01:26:57 ): Thinking’ he’s gone daft.
GlassSpider (01:27:39 ): A hale and hearty WTF is in order.
GlassSpider (01:27:57 ): Except that I don’t care any more.
GlassSpider (01:28:35 ): Oh, now it’s time for backwoods man-rape. I get it.
GlassSpider (01:29:13 ): So it’s all been a statement against inbreeding?
GlassSpider (01:29:52 ): It’s The Mute, the Dumb and the Stupid!
GlassSpider (01:30:23 ): They must have paid these actors by the word.
GlassSpider (01:30:49 ): And, more reading.
GlassSpider (01:31:03 ): Gosh. I’m moved.
GlassSpider (01:31:26 ): And KD’s snoring. Literally. Man down! Man down!
GlassSpider (01:31:40 ): OMG, there’s MORE?!?!?
GlassSpider (01:32:05 ): IT’S OVER! Sort of!
GlassSpider (01:32:32 ): Not recommended for anyone, but special warning to epileptics.
kaosdevice (01:32:32 ): It was the dullest thing ever
GlassSpider (01:34:15 ): Wow. A feast of suck. Followed by dreadfully boring, a la mode.
GlassSpider (01:36:07 ): Damn. A la mode makes me want pie again.[img]