Hide and Creep: Behind the Undead

The tongue-in-cheek zombie flick Hide and Creep (TV Guide calls it “delightfully cockamamy”) was filmed in Alabama, the home state of a chunk of the RevolutionSF staff. In fact, part of it was filmed about five miles from my mom’s house. Friends of ours filmed it and acted in it, and a flesh-ripping good time was had. So we asked them to talk about it. We think it’s fun and we think you will, too. 

Devil Took the Wheel
by Kenn McCracken

If there’s one thing that stands out in my head about the days I spent on the sets of Hide and Creep, it’s the cold. I remember standing in the cemetary just outside of Montevallo, Alabama, in particular, filming the scenes that feature the first meeting of Chuck, Chris, Michael, and the mysterious government agent F.

These scenes, along with others, spotlight Michael naked (having lost his pants in what may or may not have been an alien abduction the night prior), and we didn’t have any sort of budget on this film. No special effects, no body doubles — that’s really Michael Shelton naked on screen. 


RevolutionSF pal Kenn McCracken, coming to a SciFi Channel near you.

Here’s a behind-the-scenes factoid to keep in mind when you watch the movie: It was around 20 degrees the day we shot those scenes. I was suffering from the peak of peripheral neuropathy at the time (a side effect of my CIPD, peripheral neuropathy is the loss of sensation in your extremities — hands, feet, nose, etc.) — walking only with the aid of a cane, since I couldn’t feel when my feet had hit the ground and thus was prone to falling down a lot — and within an hour, I could feel (through two pairs of socks, heavy boots, and nerves that worked as well as George Lucas’ idea of prequels) the pain of the cold. 

All this to say: Don’t be too hard on Michael. 

I had worked with directors Chance Shirley and Chuck Hartsell before, doing the score for their short film The Seven Year Switch; they, in turn, were kind enough to kick start my filmmaking resume by providing invaluable assistance with the making of my first short, Goodnight Moon. And that’s the way the Birmingham film scene is — lots of people with varying abilities and degrees of experience, pitching in to help out other people of varying abilities and degrees of experience. 

The Crewless Productions group — Chance, his wife Stacey, and Chuck — had shot a couple of shorts prior to the undertaking of H&C;, and so they knew what was coming; they’re not called Crewless for nothing, and that’s one of the reasons that working with them is so rewarding. Keep in mind that a big-budget film shoot is a unionized affair of specialties: Everyone has one job and one job only. Costumes, set, direction, camera. A small-budget independent film, on the other hand, has no such room for titles, and it’s nice to see the director and producer doing the grunt work as much as anyone else. 

My credit on H&C; is for “Boom Operator” (guy who holds the microphone just out of frame) and “Sound Mixer” (which is misleading, since I didn’t actually do any mixing that I can recall); I also knew in advance that I would have a small role in the film, as Chance had written myself and my (now ex) wife Melissa into the script playing ever-so-slight-deviations of ourselves. 

Things change, of course; Melissa ended up getting one of the starring roles, and I play the complex bit part of Kenn, a guy who goes to a church for the first time in years to borrow money and curse a lot. 

(Yeah, I know. Big stretch. And I still don’t pull it off very convincingly. Though I did get the best death in the entire movie, hands-down. I won’t spoil it for those who haven’t seen it, but I will say that if I had to choose a way to go, this would be on the list.) 


Kenn suffers for his art.

Over the course of the months of shooting (mostly weekends only), I also played three different zombies, shot behind-the-scenes footage, handled props, helped recruit extras, cleaned up fake blood, recorded sound effects, cleaned up audio in post, and recorded the soundtrack for the film with the Exhibit(s). 

And everything I did, Chance did, too, and then some, as did Stacey, and Chuck, and everyone else involved with the film. It’s nice to be a part of creative ventures where no one is a diva, and everyone involved is ready and willing to do any job (no matter how mundane or banal) to get the best end result possible. 

All the hard work paid off. Hide and Creep debuted to a huge crowd at the opening night of the 2004 Sidewalk Film Festival, and has since gotten DVD distribution (there’s something slightly surreal about popping in to a Blockbuster in Chicago and seeing your movie on the shelf), made it to tens if not twenties of Netflix queues across the world, and gotten reviews that range from scathing (those people just don’t get it) to painfully flattering (those people got it — it being the cash I and others sent along with the review copies). None of us got rich off of the movie, but that was never the point (at least, not for most of us). 

In the end, we helped Chance and Chuck and Stacey make their first feature film — and as a short filmmaker, I’ll be quick to point out that’s a huge accomplishment, in and of itself. That the film is fun to watch, even after spending as much time as we all did reading and rereading subsequent drafts of the script, getting up at 4:30 a.m. (after playing gigs until 2 a.m. the night before) to drive fifty miles to backwoods Alabama locations in sometimes brutal cold, and watching edit after edit of the movie; that’s a miracle. 

Not quite on par with coming back from the dead, but hey — at least none of us have a hunger for human flesh. 

Not one that’s associated with being undead, at least. 

I Was A Middle-Aged Gazebo Zombie
By Kenneth Carter

My ex-wife had always said I was dead inside. Now was my chance to finally prove it. My friend Chuck Hartsell was making a movie. But not just any movie. He was making a zombie movie named Hide and Creep.

He called me up and told me he had the perfect part for me to play — the pivotal role of a “Gazebo Zombie.” 

Needless to say, I was a more than a little apprehensive about taking on such an important part. Could I pull it off? What would be my motivation? Would there be snacks? 

I immediately began to piece together my character. I found some old clothes and shredded them. After all, I wasn’t going to be just some run-of-the-mill gazebo zombie. In my mind, my off-screen transformation into a flesh-eating supernatural creature would have come at great anguish and pain. 

I arrived at a small business in Leeds near dusk. The scene was to take place outside the Thorsby Police Department (for which the small business was doubling). As I prepared myself inwardly, I was also transformed outwardly. White makeup was applied to my face. More black makeup turned my eyes into lifeless pits. And then, I was splashed and slathered with fake blood. I would have thought it too cool, but I was already darkening my soul with the single-minded directive of the living dead. 

As my fellow gazebo zombies and I slowly marched beneath a, well, a gazebo, my face remained blank despite the sudden epiphany of how my character was named. 

My scene comes at the climax of the movie. At the time where all is revealed — the moment the protagonists realize how to defeat the evil, undead horde. 

But try not to clutter your head too much with such revelatory thoughts, or you’ll miss my big scene. 

Oh yeah, and don’t blink either. 

Behind the Scenes with “Doug the Bartender”
by Bryan Crowson

I stood behind the bar with a dishrag and a pistol close at hand — tools of the trade for a bartender. I searched the depths of my soul for my motivation . . . yes, there it is, the inner bartender that lies deep within the psyche. 

I had shed the trappings of my normal self and become “Doug the Bartender,” a man who believes unflinchingly in the God-given rights to drink, watch TV and bear arms. It was my first step into a larger world, the chance to practice my craft before the camera for the filming of Hide and Creep.

My theatrical experience was finally paying off. I earned the trophies for of “Best Actor” in both the junior and senior class plays in 1980 and 1981 at Bibb County High School, with all the respect and acclaim that come with the title. I took an acting class at Auburn University from a teacher who had previously taught Victoria Jackson, but this sullen thespian failed to recognize my native talent. Consequently, I was discouraged, and my yearning for the stage had lain dormant for more than 20 years. 

Then my friend Chuck Hartsell, one of the driving forces behind Hide and Creep, invited me to be an extra in the film. I showed up on a Sunday at a Fultondale bar to film a scene. Another friend of mine and Chuck’s, Shawn Ryan, was to be in the scene, too. 

Then an opportunity arrived like a free beer: The dude who was supposed to play Doug the Bartender didn’t show up. Chuck put two pages of script into my hands. 


Bryan Crowson makes his mark on Tinseltown. (Fultondale, anyway.)

Could I learn two pages of dialogue in 20 minutes? You bet I could. I began reading, although I was somewhat distracted by the spectacle of scantily clad women being adorned with ghoulish zombie makeup. 

We were in position. Me behind the bar. The scantily clad barmaid standing nearby. Shawn, who had lived the life of “Man at Bar” and was no stranger to his character’s wants and needs, wore his role like a glove. He stared, mesmerized and unblinking, at the fetching barmaid. 

Action! I slid into character and performed my part. I even interpreted the role and ad-libbed a bit, deliberately mispronouncing “ak-ee-hol” as I thought Doug might for comic effect. The directors seemed to like it and didn’t object. They really knew how to get the best out of their actors. 

My only regret was that I was unable to hang around for a later scene and be one of the men devoured by topless zombie women in the bar. It remains one of my goals, as an actor. 

I hope the Sci-Fi Channel doesn’t delete my scene when Hide and Creep is on television Thursday night, because of the scantily clad barmaid. If they do, you can still see my compelling performance by renting or buying the movie. Just tell them Doug sent you. 

Check out the trailer here.

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I Spent the Night With Mazinga, Shogun Warrior

I’d always been a bit of a sucker for a man that wasn’t afraid to dress with style. And the fact that he had those giant, gleaming metallic glide-wings welded right to his back I have to admit did a lot for me. 

It’s the kind of wardrobe flair that really turns my head. Call me a romantic, or call me an idiot — I’m just that kind of girl. 

I had actually run into him on the street a few times when he happened to be working near my building. But this was long before I’d worked up the nerve to do anything about it. 

I knew I’d never be able to pull off “accidentally” bumping into him again some time or “accidentally” being threatened by Godzilla — so I did what I normally do in these circumstances: I took out an ad in the “Missed Connections” section of the Daily Yomiuri. 

YOU: Defeated Rodan yesterday as it tried to create a giant nest in the top of the office building I work in. 

I: Was nearly burned to death by afterburners when you shot a rocket right into Rodan’s face. Was it just me, or were things heating up between us even without the rocket exhaust? Thought I detected more than just a metallic gleam in your eye as you passed my way afterwards. Be at the Asahi Sushi Bar n’ Grille Wednesday at 10 for drinks and… whatever… if I’m not wrong. 

Silly, I know. But nothing ventured… Besides, it wouldn’t be the first time I’d sat all night alone in Asahi waiting for some robotic titan to show up. And then when he showed up at Asahi after all (!!!), I was a complete tongue-tied idiot. It didn’t help that he just sat there and didn’t say ONE WORD the entire time. 

I even tried doing a “footsie” routine with him under the table — what am I, in eighth grade?!? I can’t even stand that term!!! – but no reaction from Mr. Steel. Well, his feet are gargantuan metallic boots the size of my apartment — so to be fair he probably couldn’t feel it. 

I was starting to get a little annoyed, (Are ALL the Shogun Warriors this shy? Why couldn’t I have gotten a crush on Daimos or Gaiking?!?) not to mention a crick in my neck from craning to see his face twenty stories up. 

Mazinga!

But then a jet flew into the restaurant, made some kind of docking procedure in the back of his head, and he perked right up. He even ordered for me. All right!

Later, at my place, I thought about making some kind of suggestive comment about his detachable hands and what other attachments he came with, but thank God I thought better of it. Why do I have to be so forward? 

Then — OH GOD — I made the mistake of mentioning that I’d once gone out with a guy that could Transform from a Semi into a giant robot spider. Mazinga didn’t say a word — just rolled his eyes. 

Or did he? I don’t know, his eyes were twenty stories up and covered with metal. But I think he did. Anyway, I shouldn’t have mentioned a previous boyfriend on a first date. Not to mention one that was ALSO a giant shape-shifting robot. Great, now Mazinga’s going to think I just have some kind of fetish. 

So he ended up staying the night, which was another disaster — let’s just say there weren’t a lot of rockets going off between us. I don’t know why — maybe because the instructions were all in Japanese, which is Greek to me. Why am I such an idiot? How many times do I have to do this to myself before I find a nice guy? 

We went out for a few more weeks, but I could tell he wasn’t listening to me when I talked, mainly because the jet plane that served as his brain and control center would always fly away about five minutes into the conversation. No wonder Shogun Warriors never have girlfriends. 

Chris McCaleb is a short filmmaker. By that, I mean that he makes short films. And he is small in stature. Behold his works at www.handeye.net. Artwork © Rob Mansperger.

Lord of the Rings: The Novelization

Gandalf! Gandalf!

Chapter the Third

Gandalf was back in town, it seemed, the hobbit Lumbertoe Proudfoot thought, as he rode by on his wagon with Frodo Baggins the hobbit boy. He gave him a scowl, a dirty look, because he was not happy to see him. Not happy to see him at all. He thought of the last time he had seen Gandalf, when he had taken his son Edgewood on an adventure to the Forest of Darkness. His son mysteriously vanished, Gandalf had said.

Or had he? 

The hobbit children were all playing hobbit games until they saw Gandalf ride up on his wagon, which was pulled by a donkey. The children all liked Gandalf, because he had a pointy hat and fireworks. They ran after him, hollering “Gandalf!” 

Then more children joined them, hollering “Gandalf!” “Gandalf!” another child, young Billysmart Gamgee, yelled. What would his big brother think if he saw him yelling, Billysmart thought. 

“Gandalf! Gandalf!” all the children said together, and they all chased him down the dusty trail, their hairy feet kicking up more dust. But he did not stop, nor did he even say hello. Was Gandalf mad at them? Did they do something wrong, the children wondered? 

Then out of the back of the wagon, fireworks went off. A little shower of them, going “Bing! Bang! Bing ka-boom!” and it made the kids happy.

They knew Gandalf was not mad at them, and that made them happy. So did the fireworks. 

Lumbertoe saw the kids being happy, and he could not help but smile. Then his wife, the she-hobbit Appleroot Stumptoe-Proudfoot, came out and saw Lumbertoe smiling at Gandalf. Appleroot disapproved, and it made her mad to see Lumbertoe smiling at Gandalf. So Lumbertoe stopped smiling. 

But he didn’t stop thinking. 

What if he could find Edgewood, his son? What if he sneaked out after Bilbo Baggins’ party tonight, and went to find him on his own? Yes, he could do that, he thought.

After all, it’s not like he hadn’t been on adventures before. He thought back to that time at the Prancing Pony. So many years ago . . . and what was that gorgeous elf’s name? Ah, yes . . . . Arwen.  


Arwen!

Chapter the 37th

Arwen was on her horse, with Frodo, dying, in the saddle in front of her. It was a white horse. The Nazgul chased her, and chased her, and chased her. They chased her across plains, and past trees, and up and down hills. They went through the woods, but she still outran them.

Her horse was fast.

She knew she had to hurry, or her little friend Frodo would be dead. Finally, she arrived at a stream. Her horse crossed it, clippity-clop, splash, clippity-clop, splash, splash.

She could feel the breath of the Nazgul upon her neck, and it reminded her of Aragorn, but in a bad way. Finally, she wheeled around on her horse.

The Nazgul started to cross the stream, but drew back, as if they were afraid of water. Arwen drew her mighty sword, and held it before her. It was a mighty sword, she thought, mighty enough to cut someone if she had to. 

“If you want him,” she hollered, “Come and claim him!” All of the Nazgul drew their mighty swords. 

One of them yelled, “I’ll cut you, bitch!” 

Then the Nazgul started crossing the stream! Arwen thought, “I have to think of something, but what?” 

Ah! Then she remembered — she would use her power! Her power of hydrokinesis — the ability to make water appear and do whatever you wanted it to do. Summoning up her mental will, she looked down at the stream, and it started filling up with water!

Then she looked up, and lots of water, a flood of it, started pouring down the river! With a smirk, she made the water take the form of giant, wet horses as it hurtled down the river toward the Nazgul. 

As the water reached them, and flowed over them, the Nazgul and their horses, black as midnight, were all swirled away as if by a rushing flood. 
“I guess they’re all wet, eh, Frodo?” Arwen laughed. 

But Frodo felt like he was going to die. He was very sick. He had been stabbed. It hurt. Who was this woman with the funny ears, he wondered.

All he could think about was how he had been stabbed. And he felt like he was fading away, and like he was very sick. “We’ve got to get you to Dad! He’ll know what to do!” Arwen shouted, and hurled Frodo on the back of her white horse. 

“To Rivendell — AWAY!!!” Arwen hollered, and her horse listened to her, because she was a kind mistress to him. 


Alan Kevin J.M. Salvatore-Foster-Stevens has seen many movies, and has written novelizations for all of them. He lives in Minneapolis with his wife and they have cats. 
 

Slipped Discs 7/21/2020

Anyone else feel like making a clay pot?

Welcome back to the latest episode of Slipped Discs, where I give you a head’s up on what nerdy stuff is available to come home with you, because I still believe in physical media!

Once more, all this information comes from Blu-Ray.com, but they list everything that will be in the stores, whereas I shall provide you with what I feel is the interesting genre fare.

Summer movie season is in full swing! Or, at least it would be, if people would wear their damn masks! I try not to get depressed about all the movies we should have seen by now, but it’s hard not to, my Physical Medians.

But, instead of dwelling on what we should have seen and enjoyed (or hated), let’s see what Hollywood is giving to us this week for our home consumption.

The Room (2019) “While moving into a secluded mansion, a young loving couple, Kate and Matt discovers a strange secret room, whose interior holds the power to make everything they want a reality. Millions of dollars, the original of Van Gogh and the most luxurious outfits – whatever they want, instantly materializes. One day, she decides to ask the room to grant them the child they haven’t been able to have. But their initial happiness from this blessing will have unforeseen consequences. As they say: careful what you wish for.” No, it’s not that The Room. Anyone who would decide to use that title again after that disasterpiece must be hoping that people will rent this flick, thinking that they’re getting that flick, and your disappointment won’t matter because they already have your money.

Wonder Woman: 2-Film Collection (2009-2019) “No synopsis for Wonder Woman: 2-Film Collection.” The first of two “It Was Supposed to be Out Already” releases this week, so go check out the week of 5/12/20, when this two-pack of DC Animated movies was supposed to have come out for details.

Ghost (1990) “After a man is shot and dies, he — as a ghost — teams with a psychic to uncover the truth behind his murder, and to save his sweetheart from a similar fate.” A 90s classic, and it still holds up. Well, for me anyway. For a really good discussion about the movie, check out this recent episode of the Needless Things Podcast, where they talk about the highs & lows of 1990, including this flick. It’s my (and the Rad Ranger‘s unknowing) Pick of the Week.

Do you like gladiator movies?

Airplane! 40th Anniversary Edition (1980) “An ex-fighter pilot must take the controls of an airliner when the flight crew succumbs to food poisoning. Surely you can’t be serious?” One of the great parody movies. A true classic. The start of Leslie Neilson’s career as a funny man. Sure, not all of the humor holds up (so many gay jokes), but more of it still works than doesn’t. Get in Blu-ray, and as a classy, not just available at Best Buy, Steelbook!

Scoob! (2020) “Scooby and the gang face their most challenging mystery ever: a plot to unleash the ghost dog Cerberus upon the world. As they race to stop this dogpocalypse, the gang discovers that Scooby has an epic destiny greater than anyone imagined.” People were bagging on this flick when it was digitally released at the start of the pandemic, and I don’t get it. I thought it was funny, charming, and had its heart in the right place. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend you give it a shot. Pick it up on Blu or 4K!

Better Off Dead (1985) “Lane Meyer is a depressed teen who loses his girlfriend Beth. Her given reason for breaking up is: “Lane, I think it’d be in my best interest if I dated somebody more popular. Better looking. Drives a nicer car.” Anyway, poor Lane is left alone and thinks up treacherous ways of killing himself. He finally meets a French beauty called Monique and falls for her. Simultaneously, he must endure his mother’s terrible cooking which literally slides off the table and his disgusting next door neighbour Ricky (and his mum) while he prepares for the skiing race of his life – to get his old girlfriend back!” Our second “It Was Supposed to be Out Already” release, and the THIRD time that FYE was supposed to have this fancy Steelbook edition in their stores (2/25 & 5/26). I’ll believe that it’s out when I have it in my home. Go look here for my thoughts on this fantastic movie.

Is the curse that they made this, or that we have to watch it?

Dragonheart 3: The Sorcerer’s Curse (2015) “A fallen comet rumored to contain gold is the object of desire of a young squire named Gareth. He wants to find and use it to pay for his knighthood. However instead of a comet, he stumbles upon Drago the dragon whom has fallen to earth and is being hunted by an evil sorcerer. After Drago saves Gareth’s life, the two become intricately bonded and they must work together to defeat the sorcerer and stop his reign of terror. Along the way, Gareth learns the true meaning of being a Knight!” I probably shouldn’t be mean to a movie that I have not seen . . . but boy does this look and sound bad. But if you need your fantasy/dragon fix, here you go.

Attraction 2: Invasion (2020) “Invasion is an upcoming Russian science fiction film directed by Fyodor Bondarchuk. The action of the film unfolds after the events described in Attraction (2017). After the fall of the alien ship, it took three years. The catastrophe turned the girl’s life from Chertanovo and forever changed our view of the universe. It seems that this was the biggest test for all of us. But mankind does not yet know that very soon he will have to experience a new meeting.” I’ve said before that Russia is putting out some interesting and inventive genre movies these days, and while I didn’t hear about the first one, this one looks promising. I’m gonna see if I can locate it.

Other titles of note: Castle Rock: The Complete Second Season (2019), Horror Thrillers: 4-Film Collection: Body Snatchers (93), The Hunger, Innocent Blood, Wolfen (1981-1993), Torment (1986), Arabian Nights (1942), Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves (1944), John Wick: Chapters 1-3 Steelbook Collection (2014-2019)

So, once again a mixed bag of recent movies and classics. Hopefully, some of them will fill some holes in your collection. Until next time, wear your mask, stay home, stay safe, and as always, let me know which of these are a must-buy for you, a pass, or which ones I missed!

Slipped Discs 7/14/2020

If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.

Welcome back to the latest episode of Slipped Discs, where I give you a head’s up on what nerdy stuff is available to come home with you, because I still believe in physical media!

Once more, all this information comes from Blu-Ray.com, but they list everything that will be in the stores, whereas I shall provide you with what I feel is the interesting genre fare.

Well, the lean times continue to be over, my Physical Medians. We are half-way through the year, in the summer heat, and Dragon Con is going online. I hope to see everyone there, so to speak.

But we still seem to be getting mostly older films that are getting their first release, or a re-release, but as you all should know by now, that makes me happy as I enjoy older movies.

Speaking of my love for movies, I have finally finished my Movie Database project, having gotten the last box of my collection out of storage. The final total (not counting the one on the way from SCREAM Factory, who still aren’t paying me), is 361 movies/TV seasons. You may peruse the full list here, if you wish.

But now, let us get on with our filthy business.

Day of the Warrior (1996) “The Legion to Ensure Total Harmony and Law (L.E.T.H.A.L.), is tracking a criminal mastermind known only as The Warrior. While investigating his combination diamond smuggling/art theft/porn production industry, the agents discover that he has cracked their secret database and has stolen the files on all of their agents. With the help of their martial arts intructor Fu, agents Tiger, Willow and Cobra take on the case.” Another 90s action piece by the legendary Andy Sidaris, this one has Julie Strain as well as all of the gunplay, explosions, and bare boobs you have come to expect from this fine director. Pair it up with the other Sedaris movie out this week, Return to Savage Beach (1998), and you’ll have Ryan Cadaver‘s (unknowing) double-feature pick of the week!

The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014) “A young student making a videothesis about dementia. She made a deal with a old lady who has the illness and her daughter. They are invited to their Big house to film the old lady, but soon will filmin it’s not the dementia is taking hold of the old lady, but something else.” One of the better found footage movies, this one has the right level of creep factor, a fantastic performance by Jill Larson in the title role, and one of the smartest decisions I’ve ever seen made by a character in a horror movie. Highly recommended.

Bruce Lee: His Greatest Hits (The Big Boss, Fist of Fury, The Way of the Dragon, Enter the Dragon: Theatrical Version, Game of Death, Game of Death II, Enter the Dragon: Special Edition) (1971-1981) So Blu-Ray.com let me down on the gist again, so here’s how Amazon describes this collection:

Five action-packed kung-fu landmarks from international martial-arts legend Bruce Lee. Now together on Blu-ray.
In the early 1970s, a kung-fu dynamo named Bruce Lee side-kicked his way onto the screen and straight into pop-culture immortality. With his magnetic screen presence, tightly coiled intensity, and superhuman martial-arts prowess, Lee was an icon who conquered both Hong Kong and Hollywood cinema, and transformed the art of the action film in the process.
This collection brings together the five films that define the Lee legend: furiously exciting fist-fliers propelled by his innovative choreography, unique martial-arts philosophy, and whirlwind fighting style.
Though he completed only a handful of films while at the peak of his stardom before his untimely death at age thirty-two, Lee left behind a monumental legacy as both a consummate entertainer and a supremely disciplined artist who made Hong Kong action cinema a sensation the world over.

And my friends, that is under-selling it. Bruce Lee is a legitimate legend for his charisma, his fighting skills, his writing, and his acting. These movies may not have created a genre, but they definitely shaped it, and introduced it to an American audience that had no idea what it was in for. He paved the way for how action movies were shot, choreographed, and what could be done in front of a camera. No Bruce Lee, no John Wick. These five films are getting the Criterion treatment that they deserve. You can either pick them up individually, or as a complete set. The set is my recommendation, and yes, it’s my Pick of the Week.

Chris Who?

Thor: End of Days (2020) “Loki plots to plunge the universe into darkness poisoning the minds of the innocent across all 9 Realms. Killing his father Odin and The Guardians, Loki flees Asgard. The powerful but arrogant warrior-god Thor pursues him wreaking havoc among humans on Midgard (Earth), however, along his journey he’s rendered unworthy, waking on Earth without his mighty hammer, or his memory. Alone and vulnerable, Thor enlists the help of a female human companion in his quest to regain his honor and power, and defeat Loki before he can build his dark army.” I can see it now, some producer going “Hey, isn’t that Thor guy actually public domain?” I fully expect this to pop up on SyFy some Saturday soon, that is, unless Marvel/Disney sues them out of existence.

Speaking of superhero movies and their creators . . .

The Specials (2000) “The Specials are superheroes who aren’t… that super: finding themselves rated only the 7th best superhero team in the world, and crucially over-aware of their lacklustre performance in the all important world of merchandising. Eschewing any special effects or superhero sequences we see the lives behind the masks as The Weevil (Rob Lowe), Power Chick (Kelly Coffield), Deadly Girl (Judy Greer), The Strobe (Thomas Haden Church) and the rest of the team as they decide to launch a new line of action figures to resurrect their flagging fortunes.” One of the first films where people started to pay attention to the writing of James Gunn, this is a superhero movie that spoofed the genre before people were really ready for it. Great cast, low budget, and a lot of fun.

LEGO DC: Shazam! – Magic and Monsters (2020) “10-year-old Billy Batson shouts a single word and, with lightning bolts flashing, he transforms into Shazam!, a full-fledged adult Super Hero. It doesn’t take long for Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman and the rest of the Justice League to take notice and invite the earnest do-gooder to join the team. But to become a member, Billy must reveal his true identity. While fighting off the evil Mr. Mind and Black Adam, Billy learns that he must trust others – and that nothing creates trust like helping those in need. Join the good fight with this giant-sized LEGO DC adventure!” This was supposed to have come out back on 6/16, and you can see what I had to say about it then, my Physical Medians.

So, it’s just a kiss, right? No biting? Ok, maybe a little biting.

The Kiss of the Vampire (1963) “Gerald and Marianne Harcourt, are a honeymooning couple in early 20th-century Bavaria who become caught up in a vampire cult led by Dr. Ravna and his two children Carl and Sabena. The cult abducts Marianne, and contrive to make it appear that Harcourt was traveling alone and that his wife never existed. Harcourt gets help from hard-drinking savant Professor Zimmer, who lost his daughter to the cult and who finally destroys the vampires through an arcane ritual that releases a swarm of bats from hell…” Another lurid Hammer Films classic, with a fantastic cover by Rondo Award Winning artist Mr. Mark Maddox. I love Hammer movies, and Scream Factory keeps giving me these wonderful Collector’s Editions that just look so good on the shelf.

Tokyo Gore Police (2008) “Set in a future-world vision of Tokyo where the police have been privatized and bitter self-mutilation is so casual that advertising is often specially geared to the “cutter” demographic, this is the story of samurai-sword-wielding Ruka and her mission to avenge her father’s assassination. Ruka is a cop from a squad who’s mission is to destroy homicidal mutant humans known as “engineers” possessing the ability to transform any injury to a weapon in and of itself.” An over-the-top cult classic of Japanese cinema, this has all the nudity, gore, shock, perversion, and violence you could want or need.

Reborn (2018) “A stillborn baby girl is abducted by a morgue attendant and brought back to life by electrokinetic power. On her 16th birthday, she escapes captivity and sets out to find her birth mother, leaving a trail of destruction behind her.” I gotta say, that’s a hell of a premise. I’m gonna check it out.

Other titles of note: Legion of Super Heroes: The Complete Series (2006-2008), 12 Monkeys: The Complete Series (2015-2018), Jungle Holocaust (1977), The Magicians: Season Five (2020) / The Magicians: The Complete Series (TV) (2015-2020)

So not a bad variety of releases this week, my Physical Medians. I hope that a few of them catch your eye, that you stay safe, stay indoors, wear your mask when you go out, and just be kind to one another.

Until next week, let me know which of these are a must-buy for you, a pass, or which ones I missed!

Slipped Discs 7/7/2020

The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one, he said…

Welcome back to the latest episode of Slipped Discs, where I give you a head’s up on what nerdy stuff is available to come home with you, because I still believe in physical media!

Once more, all this information comes from Blu-Ray.com, but they list everything that will be in the stores, whereas I shall provide you with what I feel is the interesting genre fare.

Well, my Physical Medians, it looks like the lean times are over! Well, for this week, at least. We have quite a few classics escaping out into the wild, which you should all know, always makes me happy. So let’s get right into our filthy business.

Zombie for Sale (2019) “An infectiously funny slice of modern Korean cinema where Train to Busan, The Quiet Family and Warm Bodies collide to create a memorable rom-zom-com from first time director Lee Min-jae. When the illegal human experiments of Korea’s biggest Pharmaceutical company go wrong, one of their “undead” test subjects escapes and ends up in a shabby gas station owned by the Park family – a band of misfits spanning three generations who hustle passers-by to make ends meet. When the Park family uncover their undead visitor, he bites the head of their household, who instead of transforming into an undead ghoul becomes revitalised and full of life! The family then hatch a plan to exploit this unexpected fountain of youth, allowing locals to pay to be bitten too, until things go wrong… With a cabbage-munching zombie who prefers ketchup over blood, and a dysfunctional family that gives the Kim family of Parasite a run for their money, Zombie for Sale will warm the deadest of hearts and breathe some new life into the zombie genre.” This description sounds like the writer wanted to remind everyone of every Korean movie that’s come out in the last 10 years. Still, it sounds cool, and it is a zombie movie, so I have to check it out.

Trolls World Tour (2020) “Poppy and Branch discover that there are six different troll tribes scattered over six different lands. Each tribe is also devoted to six different kinds of music — funk, country, techno, classical, pop and rock. When rockers Queen Barb and King Thrash set out to destroy the other music, Poppy and Branch embark on a daring mission to unite the trolls and save the diverse melodies from becoming extinct.” Yeah, it’s a kid’s movie, but so are Pixar films, so there. And while this isn’t exactly on the Pixar level, it’s still surprisingly better than you would expect. I liked it, anyway. You can snag this on Blu, 4K, and the obligatory Best Buy Steelbook.

The War of the Worlds (1953) “Scientist Clayton Forrester and Sylvia Van Buren are the first to arrive at the site of a meteorite crash. Soon after, an alien war machine emerges and begins killing at random. The Marines are called in, but they’re no match for the aliens’ force field. Forrester and Van Buren, however, are able to wound one of the creatures and procure a sample of its blood. They take it to Los Angeles where they hope, through testing, to be able to discover the aliens’ weakness.” A true classic of Sci-Fi and Hollywood’s golden era, I really think this is a must-watch for genre fans. A solid adaptation of the book, with great performances, iconic ship and alien designs, and effects that still hold up. This movie has influenced the genre, and filmmakers, to this day. It’s getting the well deserved Criterion treatment, and it’s my Pick of the Week.

And yes, that is where MST3K got the name for one of the Mads.

Earth’s getting a lot of visitors this week.

Spaced Invaders (1990) “When one saucer of an invasion force has engine trouble, it lands on Earth. It happens to be Halloween and it happens the invaders are only about 4 feet tall. As the bumbling aliens wander around the countryside they are taken to be children and they make friends with two children, one of whom is the daughter of the sheriff. As their troubles mount (it’s difficult for five aliens to conquer a world) they begin to give up their plans of conquest, but then there is that nasty killer robot.” Another kid-aimed sci-fi comedy that’s actually pretty darn funny. Even if the gag with one of the aliens is that he’s a riff on Jack Nicholson. It’s goofy, but fun.

The Day the Earth Caught Fire (1961) “U.S. and Russia unwittingly test atomic bombs at the same time, it alters the axis of rotation of the Earth.” Sure, the premise is ludicrous, but no more so than 2112 or The Day After Tomorrow. This is another classic 60s disaster film that stands out by having an ambiguous ending, and being a bit deeper than you would expect. I recommend it.

Black Rainbow (1989) “Martha Travis is a psychic who travels the rural American South with her alcoholic father, Walter, promoting her mystical trade to credulous locals. In reality, Martha is a con woman whose only gift is the ability to defraud those desperate to contact dead loved ones. One night, however, she has a genuine vision of a violent crime which has yet to transpire.” A fun little flick, with Rosanna Arquette and Jason Robards, and presented by our friends at Arrow Video, so if you enjoy a good thriller, you’re gonna want to check this one out.

No, they’re still not paying me.

Skyman (2020) “The story of Carl Merryweather who believes he experienced an alien encounter at 10-years-old and is now trying to reconnect with the UFO as the same location.” This one has me curious, as a fake documentary on how one incident in your childhood can haunt your entire life. And, as those little grey men creep out our good friend Dave from the Needless Things podcast, this is his (unknowing) Must Avoid of the Week.

They don’t call him the Wizard of Gore for nothing.

Herschell Gordon Lewis’ BloodMania (2017) “A horror anthology comprised of four distinct segments that feature a raucous combination of satirical humor, horror, gore, and enough surprises to satisfy film enthusiasts and horror fans alike.” It seems like most horror directors eventually try their hand at an anthology series or movie, and most of them are usually at least decent. So it you like boobs, blood and schlock scares, you’re probably gonna want to check this out.

Belzebuth (2017) “After losing his family in an extremely tragic way, Detective Ritter must investigate a massacre at a school perpetrated by a student. What seemed like a pretty clear case becomes much more dense when a priest of the Vatican appears with another point of view…” Hey, this has Tobin Bell from the Saw movies. Hopefully, this won’t suck.

Gamemaster (2020) “A deep dive into the world of the thriving board game industry and the creators behind popular games.” I love board games, and this is definitely on my must-watch list.

Brutal Massacre: A Comedy (2007) “What has the world come to when the director of Sasquatch at the Mall can’t get a gig? That’s what horror auteur Harry Penderecki is wondering. Once considered a horror legend, with a string of hits like Bowel Movement, People Pesticide and I’ll Take the Ring Back and the Finger Too, he now finds himself on the outside looking in at Hollywood. Determined to make his comeback, Penderecki returns to direct what he believes will be his ultimate masterpiece, Brutal Massacre. Follow along with the documentary crew to discover whether Harry will reassert his genius, or remain a relic of the ’80s.” Our second fake documentary of the week, but this one has Gunnar Hansen, Brian O’Halloran, Ken Foree, and David Naughton as the lead. If, like me, you recognize all those names, this will be a must-watch for you as well. If not, well, you might still want to give this a look.

Other titles of note: The Complete Lenzi/Baker Giallo Collection (Orgasmo / So Sweet… So Perverse / A Quiet Place to Kill / Knife of Ice) (1969-1972), The Flesh and the Fiends (1960), Proximity (2020), Neurosis (1982), Ozone (1995), Escape Room: Quest of Fear (2019), Five Must Die (2017)

So we have a pretty solid selection of movies this week, my Physical Medians, and a decent mix between sci-fi and horror. And we’re now officially half-way though the year, but with a lot fewer movies than usual by this time. I have to wonder what effect this will have on what we see come out the rest of this year. But of what we have so far, let me know which of these are a must-buy for you, a pass, or which ones I missed!

Slipped Discs 6/30/2020

A Jaws knock-off from the man who brought you King Kong 1976!

Welcome back to the latest episode of Slipped Discs, where I give you a head’s up on what nerdy stuff is available to come home with you, because I still believe in physical media!

Once more, all this information comes from Blu-Ray.com, but they list everything that will be in the stores, whereas I shall provide you with what I feel is the interesting genre fare.

Can you believe that this year is almost half-over now, my Physical Medians? July is almost here, and we should have been in the swing of what was going to be an amazing year of movies. Instead, we get a year that has been the longest decade of my life.

Still, at least we have our new releases to give us some kind of respite from the ongoing dumpster fire that is this year. Though, once again, this is a very thin week. So let’s get right into our filthy business.

The Immortalizer (1989) “A crazed scientist sends out his mutant creations to kidnap young, beautiful men and women to bring back to his lab so he can replace their brains with those of old, wealthy people.” An interesting looking little medical horror flick from the 80s. I wonder how well it handles the class struggle in that premise. Probably not as well as They Live or Get Out, which had the bonus of racial tensions as well.

Force of Nature (2020) “A gang of thieves plan a heist during a hurricane and encounter trouble when a cop tries to force everyone in the building to evacuate.” Not really a genre movie, but that’s an interesting disaster movie premise. And it’s got Mel Gibson, who keeps trying to make a comeback from his questionable life choices. I’ll skip it.

Orca: The Killer Whale (1977) “Neurotic whaler Nolan faces off with an enraged killer whale after he kills the whale’s pregnant mate.” My mom took me to see this in the theater. I was six. Considering that my dad took me to see Jaws in the theater and I enjoyed it, that’s probably why. I remember the walk to the theater, going up to the balcony, and then there are parts of this movie still seared into my brain. Like the killing of the pregnant whale and the baby whale, Bo Derek getting her leg bitten off as she dangles off the balcony, and the ice crushing SPOILER at the end. I haven’t seen it since the 80s, but it’s still vividly right there in my memory. I’m surprised that I love the ocean, and swimming it it, after the one-two punch of Jaws and this flick.

Anyway, this is pretty much the best of all of the Jaws inspired knock offs, as it at least tries to be a serious piece. After it is Piranha, which is more fun, B movie cheese. But that’s a whole other article. This edition is another SCREAM Factory Collector’s Edition release, and my Pick of the Week.

No, they’re still not paying me.

Why do things named It always want to be near the water?

Four Kids and It (2020) “A group of kids on holiday in Cornwall meet a magical creature on the beach with the power to grant wishes.” Did Michael Caine need his house remodeled? This looks terrible, and that Dove Approved logo seals the deal, for me at least. Hard pass.

Wild Palms (1993) “A multi-national corporation attempts to take over America while small pockets of resistance hold out against rampant technology.” Oliver Stone tries to do Twin Peaks, but with weird tech and Jim Belushi. To be fair, I remember looking forward to this, as it was part of a wave of “Weird Shows” that followed David Lynch’s TV experiment. I don’t remember much about it, except being mainly disappointed. It was too normal to keep your interest, but too weird for the average viewer. I might have to revisit it, just to see how it’s aged.

Lection (2019) “Lection is an indie thriller about a local election in a post-apocalyptic society.” So, it’s a documentary? No cast list, no information at all past that brief write-up, so . . . maybe?

Knife of Ice (1972) “As a thirteen year old, Martha Caldwell witnessed the death of her parents in a terrible railway accident. Barely surviving the tragedy herself, Martha was struck dumb due to the shock. Now an adult, the still mute Martha lives with her uncle Ralph in the Spanish countryside. Martha’s cousin Jenny arrives to be with the family but is quickly stabbed to death. It appears that a sex maniac is roaming the countryside; killing pretty young girls. The already traumatized Martha seems likely to be the next victim but the case turns out to be far more complicated than it would first seem.” A Giallo flick that I haven’t seen, this will be either very good, or very bad. But even bad, it should be watchable.

Other titles of note: Ouija Blood Ritual (2020), Hair (1979), 16 Sunrises (2018)

So, not quite as thin as last week, but still pretty threadbare. But that might be a good thing, as the first week of July is looking pretty packed . . .

Until then, my Physical Medians, let me know which of these are a must-buy for you, a pass, or which ones I missed!

Slipped Discs 6/23/2020

Singing, Dancing, Mermaids.

Welcome back to the latest episode of Slipped Discs, where I give you a head’s up on what nerdy stuff is available to come home with you, because I still believe in physical media!

Once more, all this information comes from Blu-Ray.com, but they list everything that will be in the stores, whereas I shall provide you with what I feel is the interesting genre fare.

Well, my Physical Medians, it is yet another very thin week for us genre fans. It seems to be either feast or famine for us. So, once more, I shall plug items that I think are worth your time and funds, created by people I know and love.

First up, go take a look at the offerings from Mocha Memoirs Press, run by the smart and charming, Nicole Kurtz. They’re doing a fundraiser that you should check out here. Details: “For over 11 years we have published works by underrepresented voices in science fiction, fantasy, horror, and romance. You can help us continue to do that work by donating to our on-going GoFundMe, buying our books, and sharing, boosting our new releases. If we could get more reviews of our books that would be great too.” Go support black voices, and enjoy some excellent reading material!

Second, check out the writing of DJ Gray, another amazingly talented friend, nay, family, of mine. They are most excellent with the words, and you should check out their Pateron and follow them on Twitter. You won’t look at fairy tales and Neverland the same way again.

Lastly, but not leastly, there’s Falstaff Pride: “To celebrate Pride Month, Falstaff Books is bundling ten of our favorite titles by some of our LGBTQIA+ authors into one collection! Time travel with Emperors, walk the paths of knowledge with blind librarians, bust a gut with a misanthropic vampire, become self-aware with a young necromancer, or hunt monsters with a snarky woman who just wants a vacation. No matter what you love to read, this bundle of diverse stories from incredible authors has something for you!Falstaff Books publishes some fantastic urban fantasy, action, pulp and other genre stories, and I’ve enjoyed everything I’ve picked up from them. I’m looking forward to the story from my friend Michael Williams, but I’m sure each entry is a winner.

And now that we’re done with all that reading, let’s get on with the video viewing.

House of Wax 3D (1953) “Professor Henry Jarrod is a true artist whose wax sculptures are lifelike. He specializes in historical tableau’s such a Marie Antoinette or Joan of Arc. His business partner, Matthew Burke, needs some of his investment returned to him and pushes Jarrod to have more lurid exposes like a chamber of horrors.” A classic of 50s horror, Vincent Price is excellent (as always), plus we get Charles Bronson in an early role as Price’s henchman. It’s great, even without the 3D gimmick, and I am once more happy to see classic flicks getting a Blu release.

Pennyworth: The Complete First Season (2019) “The story of Alfred Pennyworth, a former special-forces officer living in London and working for Bruce Wayne’s father.” I love that it was a joke in Teen Titans Go to the Movies that Alfred would get a movie before Robin, and then this show was announced. I haven’t watched this, but I hear it’s pretty decent. But still, what’s next, Aunt Harriet the Spy?

Hans Christian Andersen (1952) “A fantasy/musical re-imagining of the life of the great Danish writer of children’s stories. Expelled from his village for distracting the local children from their studies, he travels to Copenhagen, where he falls under the spell of a glamorous opera diva.” Look, the best Danny Kaye (whom I love with all my heart) movie is The Court Jester, hands down, no question. Then The Inspector General. Followed by this movie, which is like saying the third scoop of ice cream isn’t quite as good as the first two. They’re all excellent. (The movies he did with Bing are a whole other category, don’t @ me.) Is it historically accurate? Hardly. Is it a grand time from the golden era of classic Hollywood musicals? Absolutely. So while I patiently wait for Jester to get a deluxe Blu release, I will be enjoying myself while watching this one. And it’s my Pick of the Week.

Dream a Little Dream

Dream Demon (1988) “A young woman about to be married begins having terrifying dreams about demons. When she wakes, however, the demons are real and begin to commit gruesome murders.” I know that I’ve said before that I’m a sucker for movies that play around with dreams and reality, be it Dreamscape, Bad Dreams, or that series with the guy with the manicure problem. I haven’t seen this one, but it’s from our fine friends at Arrow Video, so it’s gonna look great. No, they’re still not paying me.

The Spider (aka Earth vs the Spider) (1958) “Teenagers from a rural community and their high school science teacher join forces to battle a giant mutant spider.” A 50s classic from the unforgettable Bert I. Gordon, who brought is some of the best sci-fi/horror cheese of that decade. Is it good? No. Is it fun? Hell yes. Even without Joel and the bots quipping at the thing.

The Vampire Conspiracy (2005) “Five strangers are abducted by a 250 year-old vampire, and placed into a deadly game of wits and endurance. Should they make it through the maze alive, they will receive the vampire’s entire fortune – riches beyond their wildest dreams. Should they fail, they become victims to his hunger and are placed back in the game. The only clues to their salvation are the seven words scrawled on the floor throughout the maze and an insane man who was a participant in the last game. Complications arise, when the group discovers an outside event that makes each of them want the others dead. The situation has changed, and they don’t know whom to fear more, the vampires in the maze, or each other.” Once again, B-R.com gives us a novel-length gist. Still, the premise sounds interesting, and full of people I’m not familiar with, so hopefully it’s good.

A Ship of Human Skin (2019) “A gothic tale of mysticism and violent crime. Two women go out into the fringe of rural culture to seek a revelation. They get trapped in a fierce place, and one murders a man with an ax after she has a vision he is an evil thing. Legend spreads that while locked away in prison, she levitates.” I’m not sure if this is a genre film, or a weird indy psychological drama, but this one had me at mysticism, ax murder, and levitation. B-R.com doesn’t even have a cast list, or who wrote/directed this, so, you know, take your chances.

Other titles of note: NOTHING. Seriously, this is everything, aside from the anime stuff, which I have declined to cover in this venue.

So, yeah, a thin week, but a decent one. Let me know which of these are a must-buy for you, a pass, or which ones I missed!

Slipped Discs 6/16/2020

Never go camping!

Welcome back to the latest episode of Slipped Discs, where I give you a head’s up on what nerdy stuff is available to come home with you, because I still believe in physical media!

Once more, all this information comes from Blu-Ray.com, but they list everything that will be in the stores, whereas I shall provide you with what I feel is the interesting genre fare.

Well, my Physical Medians, it’s another thin week (and looking ahead, that isn’t changing any time soon), which is good for the wallet, but bad for article length.

So, here’s another plug for you all, of something I like, made by a person I like. Go and check out Creative Criticality by Michael Falkner. I met him many years ago at Dragon Con, and I have always been impressed by his intellect, insight, and generosity of spirit. I am very proud to call him my friend.

He does a daily post about interesting historical bits of each day, The Thing About Today, as well as the most excellent Timestamps Project, where he has been watching every episode of Doctor Who, in order, from it’s premier in 1963. He’s now up to the “Modern” era, with the 10th Doctor’s run. Go check him out.

If you have anything you’d like me to take a look at, my Physical Medians, please let me know. I’ve got the space and this soapbox to talk about it here.

Now, let’s get on with our filthy business.

Braveheart 25th Anniversary Edition (1995) “In the late 13th century, William Wallace returns to Scotland after living away from his homeland for many years. The king of Scotland has died without an heir and the king of England, a ruthless pagan known as Edward the Longshanks, has seized the throne. Wallace becomes the leader of a ramshackle yet courageous army determined to vanquish the greater English forces. At the historic battle of Stirling, Wallace leads his army to a stunning victory against the English. Knighted by the grateful Scottish nobles, Sir William Wallace extends the conflict south of the border and storms the city of York. King Edward I is astonished by the unexpected turn of events. Unable to rely on his ineffectual son Prince Edward, Longshanks sends his daughter-in-law Princess Isabelle to discuss a truce with Wallace.” Sure, it’s full of historical inaccuracies, and Mel is kind of a racist nutter, but as South Park said, the man knows story structure. Great performances, especially Patrick McGoohan as a delightfully cruel Longshanks, beautiful cinematography, visceral battles, and a fantastic score, it really is a great movie. Just plug in some elves and dragons, and it would be a great D&D game. It’s getting the 4K treatment for the anniversary, and yes, there’s a Steelbook.

Gladiator (2000) “In the final days of Marcus Aurelius’ reign, the aging emperor angers his son Commodus by making it known that he wants Maximus, a fearsome and respected Roman general, to be his successor. Power-hungry Commodus kills his father and orders the death of Maximus. But the latter flees, only to discover that his wife and child have been murdered by Commodus. Captured, Maximus is forced into slavery, where he is sold to Proximo, a former gladiator who serves as both mentor and slavemaster. Maximus trains as a gladiator in the arena, where his fame grows. He goes to Rome, intent on avenging the murder of his wife and son by killing the new emperor Commodus. Maximus has learned that the one power stronger than that of the emperor is the will of the people, and he knows he can only attain his revenge by becoming the greatest hero in all the empire.” For the record, yes, I was entertained. This one still holds up as a great action/adventure movie, again thanks to great performances from a stellar cast, and director Ridley Scott at the top of his game. Just plug in some elves and dragons, and it would be a great D&D game. It’s getting the 4K treatment, and yes, there’s a Steelbook.

Anyone else just get Déjà vu?

Friday the 13th 40th Anniversary Edition (1980) “Terror and suspense abound in this 24-hour nightmare of blood. Camp Crystal Lake has been shuttered for over 20 years due to several vicious and unsolved murders. The camp’s new owner and seven young counselors are readying the property for re-opening despite warnings of a “death curse” by local residents. The curse proves true on Friday the 13th as one by one each of the counselors is stalked by a violent killer. This film is widely acclaimed for its horrifying and creative murder sequences.” A true classic, this is the movie that defined horror for a decade. It may not be the first Slasher Movie (that’s either Black Christmas or Halloween, depending on who you ask), but it is the Trope Codifier. (Those links take you to TV Tropes, the Black Hole of the internet. So, consider yourself and your free time warned.) One of the titans of horror, Jason has always been my guy (I have so many figures of the masked maniac), and this is the movie that started it all. I already own it in various mediums, including a Blu-Ray set signed by my pick for best overall Jason, Kane Hodder. But, this is an anniversary edition, supposedly with new added unrated footage, and it’s in a limited edition Steelbook, so, yeah, I’ll be getting this, and it’s my Pick of the Week.

Your killer has to have a cool, creepy mask. It’s a rule

The Hills Run Red (2009) “You heard the story. The one about the goriest, bloodiest splatter fest ever, the one made in the ’80s but mysteriously lost. Flash forward to now: Young fright fans search for the secret location where the movie was shot, hoping to find the film. what they find is that the mysterious slasher flick is more than a movie. It’s real. And they’re its newest stars. The Hills Run Red with a whole new level of horror as the terrified cinephiles confront a demented killer who wears a nightmarish babydoll mask. Wait, Babyface is just a character from the movie, right?. Wrong. He’s alive. He’s waiting. And he’s thrilled to meet fans who will die-slowly, gruesomely, shockingly- for his art. Roll camera!” Another meta horror flick, but it’s got William Sadler in it, and an interesting premise, so I’ll probably give this a look. It’s getting the patented SCREAM Factory Collector’s Edition treatment, and no, they’re still not paying me.

Primal Scream (1987) “In the future, a private detective tries to stop a large corporation from mining an element whose side effects include igniting human flesh and destroying internal body parts.” I somehow missed this sci-fi horror flick, and the premise is catchy, so it’s going on my “whenever I have time” list.

Pretty in Pink (1986) “Molly Ringwald is the smart girl from the wrong side of the tracks. Andrew McCarthy is the rich boy who genuinely loves her. And Jon Cryer is… just Duckie. And they are all back in the brand-new “Everything’s Duckie” Special Collector’s Edition of Pretty in Pink! Written by John Hughes and directed by Howard Deutch, Pretty in Pink will take you back to the prom… the laughter, the tears, and that very first kiss.” This movie is so iconic of the 80s that I forget it came out as late as it did in the decade. Sure, it’s not a genre piece, but, as I said, it’s iconic of the era, thanks to the work of John Hughes. If you want to know what it was like back then, watch this movie. And she should have totally gone with Ducky, even though he’s too good for her.

Someone owes Dave McKean a check for this art

Hyde’s Secret Nightmare (2011) “Henry Chagall is a disgruntled scientist who suffers from impotence. His unfortunate situation leads him, and crippled assistant Hans, to explore unusual methods, including experimentation on fresh corpses. Henry finally succeeds in reanimating a deceased man’s reproductive organs by injecting a volatile fluid. Although it will take a decade to safely use on living subjects, Chagall decides to test the serum on himself.” An Italian erotic horror flick; the reviews state that it’s very bloody/gory in the extreme (including a penis bitten off and spit at the camera), and damn near pornography in its sex scenes, which involve necrophilia (with bonus maggots) at some points. I’m probably going to pass on this one, but I had to share that cover art.

LEGO DC: Shazam! – Magic and Monsters (2020) “10-year-old Billy Batson shouts a single word and, with lightning bolts flashing, he transforms into Shazam!, a full-fledged adult Super Hero. It doesn’t take long for Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman and the rest of the Justice League to take notice and invite the earnest do-gooder to join the team. But to become a member, Billy must reveal his true identity. While fighting off the evil Mr. Mind and Black Adam, Billy learns that he must trust others – and that nothing creates trust like helping those in need. Join the good fight with this giant-sized LEGO DC adventure!” It’s a LEGO™ superhero movie, so it’s probably going to be quite good. And there’s an edition that comes with a Captain Marvel mini-fig, so I’d go for that version, personally.

Other titles of note: Universal Horror Collection: Volume 5 (1941-1945), The Giant Spider Invasion (1975), Kill Mode (2020), Ultraman X Movie/Ultraman Ginga S Movie (2016)

As I said, not a whole lot out this week, but there are a few good picks in there, especially for horror fans. Let me know which of these are a must-buy for you, a pass, or which ones I missed!

Book Probe: Deeplight by Frances Hardinge

RevolutionSF’s Book Probe helps you find good things to read. OR ELSE.

Deeplight by Frances Hardinge


This is an intensely imaginative fantasy adventure about dead gods and fanatic cults and you should read it right now.

Author Frances Hardinge has thought way too much about the world she has created here, and I mean that as a compliment. Only someone who obsesses over minuscule details could have constructed such an elaborate thing.

The story presents a complete pantheon of gods in a complex, inviting fantasy world. In that brilliantly detailed setting, the story involves a mystery about dead gods and a teen who gets in over his almost instantly.

I am just now, with this book, discovering Frances Hardinge. Luckily for all of us, Hardinge has written more books, which I have sought out after reading this one.

I suggest you likewise seek out her other books. I would also suggest creating Dungeons & Dragons game statistics for the gods herein because they are perfect for Dungeon Masters to kill your players with.

You could, of course, make D&D stats and read Hardinge’s other books. Both ways, you’re doing something valuable for yourself and for other humans.

The Book of Dragons

Anthologies by their nature are fickle creatures. Sometimes they are mostly delightful, while sometimes they can be irritatingly bad with maybe two good stories.

The Book of Dragons defies such anthological expectation. It’s really good throughout.

All the authors have interesting takes on the subject matter, from poetry to fables to swords and sorcery. My personal favorite is Scott Lynch’s “Maybe Just Go Up There and Talk To It.”

I must award points to the title, a bold proclamation. THE book of dragons! When I searched for it on the webs, I found a veritable plethora of books claiming to be the book of dragons, but none with such a large font. So there you have it.

But for those who don’t generally choose books based on cover font size, the luminaries within include Jane Yolen, Ken Liu, Kelly Barnhill, Beth Cato, Peter Beagle, Michael Swanwick, Theodora Goss, and more than a dozen more.

Corporate Gunslinger by Doug Engstrom

This one is a brilliant, Twilight Zone-style speculation about a future ruled by corporate greed. It’s brutal and violent, and it’s smart and deep, too. 

It’s tough to get into why this premise works so well without spoilers. It takes aim at a societal ill while also being a deeply personal story with a female hero. 

It’ll make you ask questions, and that’s the best stuff that speculative fiction does (besides exploding spaceships). 

Highly recommended. 

Heir of Ra by M. Sasinowski

This book is so fun. It’s an Indiana Jones movie and a National Treasure movie and The Mummy and tons of other fun action flick-style stories in convenient book form. 

The author clearly, absolutely loves what they’re doing. You can tell from the sparkling dialogue, the detailed storytelling, the crazy concepts. 

This book is number 1 in a series, so naturally, you should start here. Right now. Have you started yet? What about now?