Monthly Archives: July 2020

Slipped Discs 7/28/2020

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Because why only have one?

Welcome back to the latest episode of Slipped Discs, where I give you a head’s up on what nerdy stuff is available to come home with you, because I still believe in physical media!

Once more, all this information comes from Blu-Ray.com, but they list everything that will be in the stores, whereas I shall provide you with what I feel is the interesting genre fare.

Sorry for the delay on this, my Physical Medians, but I was occupied last night recording this week’s Quarantine Panel for the Dragon Con American Sci-Fi Classics Track, with the fine folks at the ESO Network, all about one of last week’s releases, Airplane! I do hope that you will tune in when it plays on Thursday!

Or, if you’re reading this after 7/30, that you will go back and watch it on the YouTube, along with all of our other Quarantine Panels and funny videos.

And with those plugs out of the way, let’s get on with our filthy business.

Alien Trespass (2009) “Look out, earthlings! From The X Files’ R.W. Goodwin comes this action-filled sci-fi tale in the tradition of such cult classics as The Blob and It Came from Outer Space. It’s 1957, a spaceship has just landed in a quiet small town, and a maneating one-eyed alien is on the loose! But fear not, a friendly alien also has emerged from the spaceship. Inhabiting the body of local astronomer Ted Lewis (Will & Grace’s Eric McCormack), the alien teams up with a spunky diner waitress in a desperate battle to save mankind!” It’s very hard to do camp on purpose, and make it work. This doesn’t look like they pull it off, to me.

Graveyard Shift (1990) “In a very old textile mill, with a serious rat infestation, the workers discover a horrifying secret deep in the basement.” Loosely based upon the short story by Stephen King, this is another adaptation that doesn’t quite grasp what made the story work, and is honestly a pass for me.

Thirteen Ghosts (2001) “A family inherits a spectacular old house from an eccentric uncle. There’s just one problem: the house seems to have a dangerous agenda all its own. Trapped in their new home by strangely shifting walls, the family encounters powerful and vengeful entities that threaten to annihilate anyone in their path. Soon the family is joined by an offbeat ghost hunter who is determined to free the spirits imprisoned in the house. Caught in a frantic race to save themselves before it’s too late, the human inhabitants realize the house is a riddle which contains the key to their imminent salvation – or destruction.” Another great Dark Castle production, with a fantastic cast, great SFX, and a cool premise, I am glad to see this flick finally getting the recognition it deserves. This is yet another SCREAM Factory Collector’s Edition release, and my Pick of the Week.

No, they’re still not paying me.

Still the best DCCU movie to date. Yeah, I said it!

Wonder Woman (2017) “The Amazonian Warrior Princess Diana left her lush tropical island to dwell in our urban cityscapes of glass and steel. Tutored in the ways of the Greek warriors, and outfitted with incredible gifts the Goddess bestowed upon her people, she becomes Paradise Island’s emissary to civilization.” With Wonder Woman 1984 supposed to have been released right around now, there’s quite a bit of wondrous releases that were scheduled to come out as part of the hoopla. And I am here for it. This Best Buy exclusive Steelbook is quite awesome, with a plastic slipcover to fit over the case containing the Blu and 4K editions of this great movie. It was nearly my pick of the week, and yes, I already have it in my collection.

She’s a Wonder

Wonder Woman: The Complete Collection (1975-1979) “During World War II, a plane piloted by Major Steve Trevor crashes near Paradise Island, the secret hidden island home of the mighty and eternally young Amazons. He is rescued by Princess Diana and learns of the war against the Nazis. The Amazons decide to send Diana to help fight in this crisis.” The other big release to tie into the Wonder Woman 1984 release, this collection of all three seasons of this iconic series is, for me, a must have. Sure, the first season is the best, but all three seasons have Lynda Carter, Lyle Waggoner, and a pure sense of fun that I find irresistible.

Old Dracula (1975) “In this spoof of the Transylvanian legend, Count Dracula, sinks his fangs into a bevy of Playboy Bunnies in order to find the right blood type to resurrect his dear-departed wife, then after a mix up in the lab, he finds he has a different kind of uh.. “problem”.” David Niven as, like the title says, Old Dracula. Restored by the fine folks at Vinegar Syndrome, this is probably worth a look.

Lloyd the Conqueror (2011) “Their grades slipping, hard-partying college students Lloyd, Patrick, and Oswald plead with the professor Derek to give them some much-needed extra credit. In order to earn it, Derek insists that they arm themselves with foam swords, and participate in an epic game of Demons & Dwarves. A former LARP champion, Derek’s stint in academia has weakened his skills on the battlefield. But Lloyd is determined to help Derek in his fight against the dreaded Horde of Chaos, and he knows just the right people to ensure victory. A former cage fighter who teaches female self-defense course, Cassandra possesses both beauty and brawn; likewise, local gaming merchant Andy possesses the skills of a White Wizard – a notable advantage in the struggle against darkness. Still, it remains to be seen whether this mighty crew will be any match for the fierce Danes, hulking lunatic Leopold, and a stern Vulcan with the power of Starfleet on his side.” This looks like one that’s laughing at the nerds, not with the nerds, so this is a hard no from me.

Draw me like one of your French zombies.

The Revenge of the Living Dead Girls (1987) “Promoted as France’s first gore film, Revenge of the Living Dead Girls (La revanche des mortes-vivantes) is a consumate shocker of horror and sex that as grown into a legend as being one of the sickest and most perverse of zombie films.” They had me at living dead girls wanting revenge.

Dead Dicks (2019) “After Becca receives a distressing call from her suicidal brother Richie, she rushes over to his apartment and finds him alive and well – surrounded by copies of his own dead body.” No name cast, interesting premise, this might be decent. I’m gonna check it out.

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1916) “Captain Nemo has built a fantastic submarine for his mission of revenge.” I had no idea that this film existed, and I am always glad to see a classic film get a new release on modern media. This is one I am going to have to track down.

Real heroes stand in the rain.

Gundala (2019) “Indonesia’s preeminent comic book superhero and his alter ego Sancaka enter the cinematic universe to battle the wicked Pengkor and his diabolical squad of orphan assassins.” From everything I can see, this looks like a very cool superhero flick. I’m going to try and check it out.

Other titles of note: The Outsider: The Complete First Season (2020), Demonia (1990), James Cameron’s Story of Science Fiction (2018), The Eleventh Commandment (1987), Slave of the Cannibal God (1978), Nazi Undead (2018),  The Bucks County Massacre (2010)

As you can see, my Physical Medians, we have another large selection to choose from this week! As always, let me know which of these are a must-buy for you, a pass, or which ones I missed!

Great Moments in Hulk History

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10. Hulk at the Tropicana

Class. That’s what this is.




9. “Nobody Loves the Hulk”

This song was for sale in issues of Marvel Comics.  You thought John Lennon’s “Imagine” was a tear-jerker?

Try this: “They dropped an H-Bomb on him, but Hulk only became annoyed.”


8. Hulk Rollercoaster at Universal Studios

At Universal theme park’s Marvel Superhero Island, don’t eat at the Fantastic Four cafe before you ride this.

It’s very exciting to hear the screams of terror from all the milksops.

7. Hulk 1970s toy commercial

The Hulk song in this toy commercial  is still stuck in my head a million years later.

I’m not sure why Hulk and Spider-Man have “fly away action,” but some questions are not meant to have answers.

6. Hulk Cartoons from 1966

In 1966, appeared to be the result of someone going crazy with the scissors on a pile of comic books, then moving the pieces back and forth. It offered a finger-snapping theme song that rhymed “gamma rays” with “unglamorous.” That is called “creative expression.”

5. Incredible Hulk #417

The longest-running Hulk comic book writer is Peter David, who brought humor and heart to the Hulkster (along with plenty of smashing).  Hulk throws a bachelor party for sidekick Rick Jones and invites the super-males of Marvel. Hijinks ensue, including Captain America attempting to hire a magician, and instead getting an ecydiast. (Google it. Totally worth it.)

4. Hulk cartoons from 1982 and 1996

The 1982 series had an awesome bass drum intro with Hulk growling and breaking things, as Hulk is wont to do. It was notable for Bruce Banner’s clothes, which ripped to shreds every time he Hulked out, but returned to buttoned-up shirt, tie, and nicely pleated pants when he returned to Banner form. 

The 1996 series had John Rhys-Davies as Thor.  Lou Ferrigno did Hulk’s voice and I have a story.

3. Meeting Lou Ferrigno

Lou Ferrigno appeared at Atlanta’s DragonCon sci-fi convention in the late 1990s, and I got in the autograph picture line. After seeing dozens of fans talk about the Hulk TV show with him, I decided to talk about something no one else did: his voice acting as Hulk on the 1996 cartoon. Some advice: Don’t be the one guy a celebrity remembers.

As the line drew closer, I plotted my message in my head: “It’s good the cartoon makers asked you to do the voice of the Hulk.” 

But what came out of my mouth, to Lou Ferrigno’s face,  was “I’m glad they asked you, because they must have said, “What could Lou Ferrigno be doing?”

Time stood still. I realized what I said. He realized what I said. He said “Thank you for enjoying the show,” and we shook hands. He squeezed my hand, as if to say, “I could rip this arm right off.”

This is a great moment in Hulk history because I survived. 

2. The Incredible Hulk TV series


In four seasons Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno taught us many life lessons.

Number one: Don’t try to fix your car during a lightning storm.

Hulk cologne.

Hulk cologne!
Smells like rage.

Hide and Creep: Behind the Undead

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The tongue-in-cheek zombie flick Hide and Creep (TV Guide calls it “delightfully cockamamy”) was filmed in Alabama, the home state of a chunk of the RevolutionSF staff. In fact, part of it was filmed about five miles from my mom’s house. Friends of ours filmed it and acted in it, and a flesh-ripping good time was had. So we asked them to talk about it. We think it’s fun and we think you will, too. 

Devil Took the Wheel
by Kenn McCracken

If there’s one thing that stands out in my head about the days I spent on the sets of Hide and Creep, it’s the cold. I remember standing in the cemetary just outside of Montevallo, Alabama, in particular, filming the scenes that feature the first meeting of Chuck, Chris, Michael, and the mysterious government agent F.

These scenes, along with others, spotlight Michael naked (having lost his pants in what may or may not have been an alien abduction the night prior), and we didn’t have any sort of budget on this film. No special effects, no body doubles — that’s really Michael Shelton naked on screen. 


RevolutionSF pal Kenn McCracken, coming to a SciFi Channel near you.

Here’s a behind-the-scenes factoid to keep in mind when you watch the movie: It was around 20 degrees the day we shot those scenes. I was suffering from the peak of peripheral neuropathy at the time (a side effect of my CIPD, peripheral neuropathy is the loss of sensation in your extremities — hands, feet, nose, etc.) — walking only with the aid of a cane, since I couldn’t feel when my feet had hit the ground and thus was prone to falling down a lot — and within an hour, I could feel (through two pairs of socks, heavy boots, and nerves that worked as well as George Lucas’ idea of prequels) the pain of the cold. 

All this to say: Don’t be too hard on Michael. 

I had worked with directors Chance Shirley and Chuck Hartsell before, doing the score for their short film The Seven Year Switch; they, in turn, were kind enough to kick start my filmmaking resume by providing invaluable assistance with the making of my first short, Goodnight Moon. And that’s the way the Birmingham film scene is — lots of people with varying abilities and degrees of experience, pitching in to help out other people of varying abilities and degrees of experience. 

The Crewless Productions group — Chance, his wife Stacey, and Chuck — had shot a couple of shorts prior to the undertaking of H&C;, and so they knew what was coming; they’re not called Crewless for nothing, and that’s one of the reasons that working with them is so rewarding. Keep in mind that a big-budget film shoot is a unionized affair of specialties: Everyone has one job and one job only. Costumes, set, direction, camera. A small-budget independent film, on the other hand, has no such room for titles, and it’s nice to see the director and producer doing the grunt work as much as anyone else. 

My credit on H&C; is for “Boom Operator” (guy who holds the microphone just out of frame) and “Sound Mixer” (which is misleading, since I didn’t actually do any mixing that I can recall); I also knew in advance that I would have a small role in the film, as Chance had written myself and my (now ex) wife Melissa into the script playing ever-so-slight-deviations of ourselves. 

Things change, of course; Melissa ended up getting one of the starring roles, and I play the complex bit part of Kenn, a guy who goes to a church for the first time in years to borrow money and curse a lot. 

(Yeah, I know. Big stretch. And I still don’t pull it off very convincingly. Though I did get the best death in the entire movie, hands-down. I won’t spoil it for those who haven’t seen it, but I will say that if I had to choose a way to go, this would be on the list.) 


Kenn suffers for his art.

Over the course of the months of shooting (mostly weekends only), I also played three different zombies, shot behind-the-scenes footage, handled props, helped recruit extras, cleaned up fake blood, recorded sound effects, cleaned up audio in post, and recorded the soundtrack for the film with the Exhibit(s). 

And everything I did, Chance did, too, and then some, as did Stacey, and Chuck, and everyone else involved with the film. It’s nice to be a part of creative ventures where no one is a diva, and everyone involved is ready and willing to do any job (no matter how mundane or banal) to get the best end result possible. 

All the hard work paid off. Hide and Creep debuted to a huge crowd at the opening night of the 2004 Sidewalk Film Festival, and has since gotten DVD distribution (there’s something slightly surreal about popping in to a Blockbuster in Chicago and seeing your movie on the shelf), made it to tens if not twenties of Netflix queues across the world, and gotten reviews that range from scathing (those people just don’t get it) to painfully flattering (those people got it — it being the cash I and others sent along with the review copies). None of us got rich off of the movie, but that was never the point (at least, not for most of us). 

In the end, we helped Chance and Chuck and Stacey make their first feature film — and as a short filmmaker, I’ll be quick to point out that’s a huge accomplishment, in and of itself. That the film is fun to watch, even after spending as much time as we all did reading and rereading subsequent drafts of the script, getting up at 4:30 a.m. (after playing gigs until 2 a.m. the night before) to drive fifty miles to backwoods Alabama locations in sometimes brutal cold, and watching edit after edit of the movie; that’s a miracle. 

Not quite on par with coming back from the dead, but hey — at least none of us have a hunger for human flesh. 

Not one that’s associated with being undead, at least. 

I Was A Middle-Aged Gazebo Zombie
By Kenneth Carter

My ex-wife had always said I was dead inside. Now was my chance to finally prove it. My friend Chuck Hartsell was making a movie. But not just any movie. He was making a zombie movie named Hide and Creep.

He called me up and told me he had the perfect part for me to play — the pivotal role of a “Gazebo Zombie.” 

Needless to say, I was a more than a little apprehensive about taking on such an important part. Could I pull it off? What would be my motivation? Would there be snacks? 

I immediately began to piece together my character. I found some old clothes and shredded them. After all, I wasn’t going to be just some run-of-the-mill gazebo zombie. In my mind, my off-screen transformation into a flesh-eating supernatural creature would have come at great anguish and pain. 

I arrived at a small business in Leeds near dusk. The scene was to take place outside the Thorsby Police Department (for which the small business was doubling). As I prepared myself inwardly, I was also transformed outwardly. White makeup was applied to my face. More black makeup turned my eyes into lifeless pits. And then, I was splashed and slathered with fake blood. I would have thought it too cool, but I was already darkening my soul with the single-minded directive of the living dead. 

As my fellow gazebo zombies and I slowly marched beneath a, well, a gazebo, my face remained blank despite the sudden epiphany of how my character was named. 

My scene comes at the climax of the movie. At the time where all is revealed — the moment the protagonists realize how to defeat the evil, undead horde. 

But try not to clutter your head too much with such revelatory thoughts, or you’ll miss my big scene. 

Oh yeah, and don’t blink either. 

Behind the Scenes with “Doug the Bartender”
by Bryan Crowson

I stood behind the bar with a dishrag and a pistol close at hand — tools of the trade for a bartender. I searched the depths of my soul for my motivation . . . yes, there it is, the inner bartender that lies deep within the psyche. 

I had shed the trappings of my normal self and become “Doug the Bartender,” a man who believes unflinchingly in the God-given rights to drink, watch TV and bear arms. It was my first step into a larger world, the chance to practice my craft before the camera for the filming of Hide and Creep.

My theatrical experience was finally paying off. I earned the trophies for of “Best Actor” in both the junior and senior class plays in 1980 and 1981 at Bibb County High School, with all the respect and acclaim that come with the title. I took an acting class at Auburn University from a teacher who had previously taught Victoria Jackson, but this sullen thespian failed to recognize my native talent. Consequently, I was discouraged, and my yearning for the stage had lain dormant for more than 20 years. 

Then my friend Chuck Hartsell, one of the driving forces behind Hide and Creep, invited me to be an extra in the film. I showed up on a Sunday at a Fultondale bar to film a scene. Another friend of mine and Chuck’s, Shawn Ryan, was to be in the scene, too. 

Then an opportunity arrived like a free beer: The dude who was supposed to play Doug the Bartender didn’t show up. Chuck put two pages of script into my hands. 


Bryan Crowson makes his mark on Tinseltown. (Fultondale, anyway.)

Could I learn two pages of dialogue in 20 minutes? You bet I could. I began reading, although I was somewhat distracted by the spectacle of scantily clad women being adorned with ghoulish zombie makeup. 

We were in position. Me behind the bar. The scantily clad barmaid standing nearby. Shawn, who had lived the life of “Man at Bar” and was no stranger to his character’s wants and needs, wore his role like a glove. He stared, mesmerized and unblinking, at the fetching barmaid. 

Action! I slid into character and performed my part. I even interpreted the role and ad-libbed a bit, deliberately mispronouncing “ak-ee-hol” as I thought Doug might for comic effect. The directors seemed to like it and didn’t object. They really knew how to get the best out of their actors. 

My only regret was that I was unable to hang around for a later scene and be one of the men devoured by topless zombie women in the bar. It remains one of my goals, as an actor. 

I hope the Sci-Fi Channel doesn’t delete my scene when Hide and Creep is on television Thursday night, because of the scantily clad barmaid. If they do, you can still see my compelling performance by renting or buying the movie. Just tell them Doug sent you. 

Check out the trailer here.

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I Spent the Night With Mazinga, Shogun Warrior

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I’d always been a bit of a sucker for a man that wasn’t afraid to dress with style. And the fact that he had those giant, gleaming metallic glide-wings welded right to his back I have to admit did a lot for me. 

It’s the kind of wardrobe flair that really turns my head. Call me a romantic, or call me an idiot — I’m just that kind of girl. 

I had actually run into him on the street a few times when he happened to be working near my building. But this was long before I’d worked up the nerve to do anything about it. 

I knew I’d never be able to pull off “accidentally” bumping into him again some time or “accidentally” being threatened by Godzilla — so I did what I normally do in these circumstances: I took out an ad in the “Missed Connections” section of the Daily Yomiuri. 

YOU: Defeated Rodan yesterday as it tried to create a giant nest in the top of the office building I work in. 

I: Was nearly burned to death by afterburners when you shot a rocket right into Rodan’s face. Was it just me, or were things heating up between us even without the rocket exhaust? Thought I detected more than just a metallic gleam in your eye as you passed my way afterwards. Be at the Asahi Sushi Bar n’ Grille Wednesday at 10 for drinks and… whatever… if I’m not wrong. 

Silly, I know. But nothing ventured… Besides, it wouldn’t be the first time I’d sat all night alone in Asahi waiting for some robotic titan to show up. And then when he showed up at Asahi after all (!!!), I was a complete tongue-tied idiot. It didn’t help that he just sat there and didn’t say ONE WORD the entire time. 

I even tried doing a “footsie” routine with him under the table — what am I, in eighth grade?!? I can’t even stand that term!!! – but no reaction from Mr. Steel. Well, his feet are gargantuan metallic boots the size of my apartment — so to be fair he probably couldn’t feel it. 

I was starting to get a little annoyed, (Are ALL the Shogun Warriors this shy? Why couldn’t I have gotten a crush on Daimos or Gaiking?!?) not to mention a crick in my neck from craning to see his face twenty stories up. 

Mazinga!

But then a jet flew into the restaurant, made some kind of docking procedure in the back of his head, and he perked right up. He even ordered for me. All right!

Later, at my place, I thought about making some kind of suggestive comment about his detachable hands and what other attachments he came with, but thank God I thought better of it. Why do I have to be so forward? 

Then — OH GOD — I made the mistake of mentioning that I’d once gone out with a guy that could Transform from a Semi into a giant robot spider. Mazinga didn’t say a word — just rolled his eyes. 

Or did he? I don’t know, his eyes were twenty stories up and covered with metal. But I think he did. Anyway, I shouldn’t have mentioned a previous boyfriend on a first date. Not to mention one that was ALSO a giant shape-shifting robot. Great, now Mazinga’s going to think I just have some kind of fetish. 

So he ended up staying the night, which was another disaster — let’s just say there weren’t a lot of rockets going off between us. I don’t know why — maybe because the instructions were all in Japanese, which is Greek to me. Why am I such an idiot? How many times do I have to do this to myself before I find a nice guy? 

We went out for a few more weeks, but I could tell he wasn’t listening to me when I talked, mainly because the jet plane that served as his brain and control center would always fly away about five minutes into the conversation. No wonder Shogun Warriors never have girlfriends. 

Chris McCaleb is a short filmmaker. By that, I mean that he makes short films. And he is small in stature. Behold his works at www.handeye.net. Artwork © Rob Mansperger.

Lord of the Rings: The Novelization

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Gandalf! Gandalf!

Chapter the Third

Gandalf was back in town, it seemed, the hobbit Lumbertoe Proudfoot thought, as he rode by on his wagon with Frodo Baggins the hobbit boy. He gave him a scowl, a dirty look, because he was not happy to see him. Not happy to see him at all. He thought of the last time he had seen Gandalf, when he had taken his son Edgewood on an adventure to the Forest of Darkness. His son mysteriously vanished, Gandalf had said.

Or had he? 

The hobbit children were all playing hobbit games until they saw Gandalf ride up on his wagon, which was pulled by a donkey. The children all liked Gandalf, because he had a pointy hat and fireworks. They ran after him, hollering “Gandalf!” 

Then more children joined them, hollering “Gandalf!” “Gandalf!” another child, young Billysmart Gamgee, yelled. What would his big brother think if he saw him yelling, Billysmart thought. 

“Gandalf! Gandalf!” all the children said together, and they all chased him down the dusty trail, their hairy feet kicking up more dust. But he did not stop, nor did he even say hello. Was Gandalf mad at them? Did they do something wrong, the children wondered? 

Then out of the back of the wagon, fireworks went off. A little shower of them, going “Bing! Bang! Bing ka-boom!” and it made the kids happy.

They knew Gandalf was not mad at them, and that made them happy. So did the fireworks. 

Lumbertoe saw the kids being happy, and he could not help but smile. Then his wife, the she-hobbit Appleroot Stumptoe-Proudfoot, came out and saw Lumbertoe smiling at Gandalf. Appleroot disapproved, and it made her mad to see Lumbertoe smiling at Gandalf. So Lumbertoe stopped smiling. 

But he didn’t stop thinking. 

What if he could find Edgewood, his son? What if he sneaked out after Bilbo Baggins’ party tonight, and went to find him on his own? Yes, he could do that, he thought.

After all, it’s not like he hadn’t been on adventures before. He thought back to that time at the Prancing Pony. So many years ago . . . and what was that gorgeous elf’s name? Ah, yes . . . . Arwen.  


Arwen!

Chapter the 37th

Arwen was on her horse, with Frodo, dying, in the saddle in front of her. It was a white horse. The Nazgul chased her, and chased her, and chased her. They chased her across plains, and past trees, and up and down hills. They went through the woods, but she still outran them.

Her horse was fast.

She knew she had to hurry, or her little friend Frodo would be dead. Finally, she arrived at a stream. Her horse crossed it, clippity-clop, splash, clippity-clop, splash, splash.

She could feel the breath of the Nazgul upon her neck, and it reminded her of Aragorn, but in a bad way. Finally, she wheeled around on her horse.

The Nazgul started to cross the stream, but drew back, as if they were afraid of water. Arwen drew her mighty sword, and held it before her. It was a mighty sword, she thought, mighty enough to cut someone if she had to. 

“If you want him,” she hollered, “Come and claim him!” All of the Nazgul drew their mighty swords. 

One of them yelled, “I’ll cut you, bitch!” 

Then the Nazgul started crossing the stream! Arwen thought, “I have to think of something, but what?” 

Ah! Then she remembered — she would use her power! Her power of hydrokinesis — the ability to make water appear and do whatever you wanted it to do. Summoning up her mental will, she looked down at the stream, and it started filling up with water!

Then she looked up, and lots of water, a flood of it, started pouring down the river! With a smirk, she made the water take the form of giant, wet horses as it hurtled down the river toward the Nazgul. 

As the water reached them, and flowed over them, the Nazgul and their horses, black as midnight, were all swirled away as if by a rushing flood. 
“I guess they’re all wet, eh, Frodo?” Arwen laughed. 

But Frodo felt like he was going to die. He was very sick. He had been stabbed. It hurt. Who was this woman with the funny ears, he wondered.

All he could think about was how he had been stabbed. And he felt like he was fading away, and like he was very sick. “We’ve got to get you to Dad! He’ll know what to do!” Arwen shouted, and hurled Frodo on the back of her white horse. 

“To Rivendell — AWAY!!!” Arwen hollered, and her horse listened to her, because she was a kind mistress to him. 


Alan Kevin J.M. Salvatore-Foster-Stevens has seen many movies, and has written novelizations for all of them. He lives in Minneapolis with his wife and they have cats. 
 

Slipped Discs 7/21/2020

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Anyone else feel like making a clay pot?

Welcome back to the latest episode of Slipped Discs, where I give you a head’s up on what nerdy stuff is available to come home with you, because I still believe in physical media!

Once more, all this information comes from Blu-Ray.com, but they list everything that will be in the stores, whereas I shall provide you with what I feel is the interesting genre fare.

Summer movie season is in full swing! Or, at least it would be, if people would wear their damn masks! I try not to get depressed about all the movies we should have seen by now, but it’s hard not to, my Physical Medians.

But, instead of dwelling on what we should have seen and enjoyed (or hated), let’s see what Hollywood is giving to us this week for our home consumption.

The Room (2019) “While moving into a secluded mansion, a young loving couple, Kate and Matt discovers a strange secret room, whose interior holds the power to make everything they want a reality. Millions of dollars, the original of Van Gogh and the most luxurious outfits – whatever they want, instantly materializes. One day, she decides to ask the room to grant them the child they haven’t been able to have. But their initial happiness from this blessing will have unforeseen consequences. As they say: careful what you wish for.” No, it’s not that The Room. Anyone who would decide to use that title again after that disasterpiece must be hoping that people will rent this flick, thinking that they’re getting that flick, and your disappointment won’t matter because they already have your money.

Wonder Woman: 2-Film Collection (2009-2019) “No synopsis for Wonder Woman: 2-Film Collection.” The first of two “It Was Supposed to be Out Already” releases this week, so go check out the week of 5/12/20, when this two-pack of DC Animated movies was supposed to have come out for details.

Ghost (1990) “After a man is shot and dies, he — as a ghost — teams with a psychic to uncover the truth behind his murder, and to save his sweetheart from a similar fate.” A 90s classic, and it still holds up. Well, for me anyway. For a really good discussion about the movie, check out this recent episode of the Needless Things Podcast, where they talk about the highs & lows of 1990, including this flick. It’s my (and the Rad Ranger‘s unknowing) Pick of the Week.

Do you like gladiator movies?

Airplane! 40th Anniversary Edition (1980) “An ex-fighter pilot must take the controls of an airliner when the flight crew succumbs to food poisoning. Surely you can’t be serious?” One of the great parody movies. A true classic. The start of Leslie Neilson’s career as a funny man. Sure, not all of the humor holds up (so many gay jokes), but more of it still works than doesn’t. Get in Blu-ray, and as a classy, not just available at Best Buy, Steelbook!

Scoob! (2020) “Scooby and the gang face their most challenging mystery ever: a plot to unleash the ghost dog Cerberus upon the world. As they race to stop this dogpocalypse, the gang discovers that Scooby has an epic destiny greater than anyone imagined.” People were bagging on this flick when it was digitally released at the start of the pandemic, and I don’t get it. I thought it was funny, charming, and had its heart in the right place. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend you give it a shot. Pick it up on Blu or 4K!

Better Off Dead (1985) “Lane Meyer is a depressed teen who loses his girlfriend Beth. Her given reason for breaking up is: “Lane, I think it’d be in my best interest if I dated somebody more popular. Better looking. Drives a nicer car.” Anyway, poor Lane is left alone and thinks up treacherous ways of killing himself. He finally meets a French beauty called Monique and falls for her. Simultaneously, he must endure his mother’s terrible cooking which literally slides off the table and his disgusting next door neighbour Ricky (and his mum) while he prepares for the skiing race of his life – to get his old girlfriend back!” Our second “It Was Supposed to be Out Already” release, and the THIRD time that FYE was supposed to have this fancy Steelbook edition in their stores (2/25 & 5/26). I’ll believe that it’s out when I have it in my home. Go look here for my thoughts on this fantastic movie.

Is the curse that they made this, or that we have to watch it?

Dragonheart 3: The Sorcerer’s Curse (2015) “A fallen comet rumored to contain gold is the object of desire of a young squire named Gareth. He wants to find and use it to pay for his knighthood. However instead of a comet, he stumbles upon Drago the dragon whom has fallen to earth and is being hunted by an evil sorcerer. After Drago saves Gareth’s life, the two become intricately bonded and they must work together to defeat the sorcerer and stop his reign of terror. Along the way, Gareth learns the true meaning of being a Knight!” I probably shouldn’t be mean to a movie that I have not seen . . . but boy does this look and sound bad. But if you need your fantasy/dragon fix, here you go.

Attraction 2: Invasion (2020) “Invasion is an upcoming Russian science fiction film directed by Fyodor Bondarchuk. The action of the film unfolds after the events described in Attraction (2017). After the fall of the alien ship, it took three years. The catastrophe turned the girl’s life from Chertanovo and forever changed our view of the universe. It seems that this was the biggest test for all of us. But mankind does not yet know that very soon he will have to experience a new meeting.” I’ve said before that Russia is putting out some interesting and inventive genre movies these days, and while I didn’t hear about the first one, this one looks promising. I’m gonna see if I can locate it.

Other titles of note: Castle Rock: The Complete Second Season (2019), Horror Thrillers: 4-Film Collection: Body Snatchers (93), The Hunger, Innocent Blood, Wolfen (1981-1993), Torment (1986), Arabian Nights (1942), Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves (1944), John Wick: Chapters 1-3 Steelbook Collection (2014-2019)

So, once again a mixed bag of recent movies and classics. Hopefully, some of them will fill some holes in your collection. Until next time, wear your mask, stay home, stay safe, and as always, let me know which of these are a must-buy for you, a pass, or which ones I missed!

Slipped Discs 7/14/2020

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If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.

Welcome back to the latest episode of Slipped Discs, where I give you a head’s up on what nerdy stuff is available to come home with you, because I still believe in physical media!

Once more, all this information comes from Blu-Ray.com, but they list everything that will be in the stores, whereas I shall provide you with what I feel is the interesting genre fare.

Well, the lean times continue to be over, my Physical Medians. We are half-way through the year, in the summer heat, and Dragon Con is going online. I hope to see everyone there, so to speak.

But we still seem to be getting mostly older films that are getting their first release, or a re-release, but as you all should know by now, that makes me happy as I enjoy older movies.

Speaking of my love for movies, I have finally finished my Movie Database project, having gotten the last box of my collection out of storage. The final total (not counting the one on the way from SCREAM Factory, who still aren’t paying me), is 361 movies/TV seasons. You may peruse the full list here, if you wish.

But now, let us get on with our filthy business.

Day of the Warrior (1996) “The Legion to Ensure Total Harmony and Law (L.E.T.H.A.L.), is tracking a criminal mastermind known only as The Warrior. While investigating his combination diamond smuggling/art theft/porn production industry, the agents discover that he has cracked their secret database and has stolen the files on all of their agents. With the help of their martial arts intructor Fu, agents Tiger, Willow and Cobra take on the case.” Another 90s action piece by the legendary Andy Sidaris, this one has Julie Strain as well as all of the gunplay, explosions, and bare boobs you have come to expect from this fine director. Pair it up with the other Sedaris movie out this week, Return to Savage Beach (1998), and you’ll have Ryan Cadaver‘s (unknowing) double-feature pick of the week!

The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014) “A young student making a videothesis about dementia. She made a deal with a old lady who has the illness and her daughter. They are invited to their Big house to film the old lady, but soon will filmin it’s not the dementia is taking hold of the old lady, but something else.” One of the better found footage movies, this one has the right level of creep factor, a fantastic performance by Jill Larson in the title role, and one of the smartest decisions I’ve ever seen made by a character in a horror movie. Highly recommended.

Bruce Lee: His Greatest Hits (The Big Boss, Fist of Fury, The Way of the Dragon, Enter the Dragon: Theatrical Version, Game of Death, Game of Death II, Enter the Dragon: Special Edition) (1971-1981) So Blu-Ray.com let me down on the gist again, so here’s how Amazon describes this collection:

“Five action-packed kung-fu landmarks from international martial-arts legend Bruce Lee. Now together on Blu-ray.
In the early 1970s, a kung-fu dynamo named Bruce Lee side-kicked his way onto the screen and straight into pop-culture immortality. With his magnetic screen presence, tightly coiled intensity, and superhuman martial-arts prowess, Lee was an icon who conquered both Hong Kong and Hollywood cinema, and transformed the art of the action film in the process.
This collection brings together the five films that define the Lee legend: furiously exciting fist-fliers propelled by his innovative choreography, unique martial-arts philosophy, and whirlwind fighting style.
Though he completed only a handful of films while at the peak of his stardom before his untimely death at age thirty-two, Lee left behind a monumental legacy as both a consummate entertainer and a supremely disciplined artist who made Hong Kong action cinema a sensation the world over.“

And my friends, that is under-selling it. Bruce Lee is a legitimate legend for his charisma, his fighting skills, his writing, and his acting. These movies may not have created a genre, but they definitely shaped it, and introduced it to an American audience that had no idea what it was in for. He paved the way for how action movies were shot, choreographed, and what could be done in front of a camera. No Bruce Lee, no John Wick. These five films are getting the Criterion treatment that they deserve. You can either pick them up individually, or as a complete set. The set is my recommendation, and yes, it’s my Pick of the Week.

Chris Who?

Thor: End of Days (2020) “Loki plots to plunge the universe into darkness poisoning the minds of the innocent across all 9 Realms. Killing his father Odin and The Guardians, Loki flees Asgard. The powerful but arrogant warrior-god Thor pursues him wreaking havoc among humans on Midgard (Earth), however, along his journey he’s rendered unworthy, waking on Earth without his mighty hammer, or his memory. Alone and vulnerable, Thor enlists the help of a female human companion in his quest to regain his honor and power, and defeat Loki before he can build his dark army.” I can see it now, some producer going “Hey, isn’t that Thor guy actually public domain?” I fully expect this to pop up on SyFy some Saturday soon, that is, unless Marvel/Disney sues them out of existence.

Speaking of superhero movies and their creators . . .

The Specials (2000) “The Specials are superheroes who aren’t… that super: finding themselves rated only the 7th best superhero team in the world, and crucially over-aware of their lacklustre performance in the all important world of merchandising. Eschewing any special effects or superhero sequences we see the lives behind the masks as The Weevil (Rob Lowe), Power Chick (Kelly Coffield), Deadly Girl (Judy Greer), The Strobe (Thomas Haden Church) and the rest of the team as they decide to launch a new line of action figures to resurrect their flagging fortunes.” One of the first films where people started to pay attention to the writing of James Gunn, this is a superhero movie that spoofed the genre before people were really ready for it. Great cast, low budget, and a lot of fun.

LEGO DC: Shazam! – Magic and Monsters (2020) “10-year-old Billy Batson shouts a single word and, with lightning bolts flashing, he transforms into Shazam!, a full-fledged adult Super Hero. It doesn’t take long for Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman and the rest of the Justice League to take notice and invite the earnest do-gooder to join the team. But to become a member, Billy must reveal his true identity. While fighting off the evil Mr. Mind and Black Adam, Billy learns that he must trust others – and that nothing creates trust like helping those in need. Join the good fight with this giant-sized LEGO DC adventure!” This was supposed to have come out back on 6/16, and you can see what I had to say about it then, my Physical Medians.

So, it’s just a kiss, right? No biting? Ok, maybe a little biting.

The Kiss of the Vampire (1963) “Gerald and Marianne Harcourt, are a honeymooning couple in early 20th-century Bavaria who become caught up in a vampire cult led by Dr. Ravna and his two children Carl and Sabena. The cult abducts Marianne, and contrive to make it appear that Harcourt was traveling alone and that his wife never existed. Harcourt gets help from hard-drinking savant Professor Zimmer, who lost his daughter to the cult and who finally destroys the vampires through an arcane ritual that releases a swarm of bats from hell…” Another lurid Hammer Films classic, with a fantastic cover by Rondo Award Winning artist Mr. Mark Maddox. I love Hammer movies, and Scream Factory keeps giving me these wonderful Collector’s Editions that just look so good on the shelf.

Tokyo Gore Police (2008) “Set in a future-world vision of Tokyo where the police have been privatized and bitter self-mutilation is so casual that advertising is often specially geared to the “cutter” demographic, this is the story of samurai-sword-wielding Ruka and her mission to avenge her father’s assassination. Ruka is a cop from a squad who’s mission is to destroy homicidal mutant humans known as “engineers” possessing the ability to transform any injury to a weapon in and of itself.” An over-the-top cult classic of Japanese cinema, this has all the nudity, gore, shock, perversion, and violence you could want or need.

Reborn (2018) “A stillborn baby girl is abducted by a morgue attendant and brought back to life by electrokinetic power. On her 16th birthday, she escapes captivity and sets out to find her birth mother, leaving a trail of destruction behind her.” I gotta say, that’s a hell of a premise. I’m gonna check it out.

Other titles of note: Legion of Super Heroes: The Complete Series (2006-2008), 12 Monkeys: The Complete Series (2015-2018), Jungle Holocaust (1977), The Magicians: Season Five (2020) / The Magicians: The Complete Series (TV) (2015-2020)

So not a bad variety of releases this week, my Physical Medians. I hope that a few of them catch your eye, that you stay safe, stay indoors, wear your mask when you go out, and just be kind to one another.

Until next week, let me know which of these are a must-buy for you, a pass, or which ones I missed!

Slipped Discs 7/7/2020

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The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one, he said…

Welcome back to the latest episode of Slipped Discs, where I give you a head’s up on what nerdy stuff is available to come home with you, because I still believe in physical media!

Once more, all this information comes from Blu-Ray.com, but they list everything that will be in the stores, whereas I shall provide you with what I feel is the interesting genre fare.

Well, my Physical Medians, it looks like the lean times are over! Well, for this week, at least. We have quite a few classics escaping out into the wild, which you should all know, always makes me happy. So let’s get right into our filthy business.

Zombie for Sale (2019) “An infectiously funny slice of modern Korean cinema where Train to Busan, The Quiet Family and Warm Bodies collide to create a memorable rom-zom-com from first time director Lee Min-jae. When the illegal human experiments of Korea’s biggest Pharmaceutical company go wrong, one of their “undead” test subjects escapes and ends up in a shabby gas station owned by the Park family – a band of misfits spanning three generations who hustle passers-by to make ends meet. When the Park family uncover their undead visitor, he bites the head of their household, who instead of transforming into an undead ghoul becomes revitalised and full of life! The family then hatch a plan to exploit this unexpected fountain of youth, allowing locals to pay to be bitten too, until things go wrong… With a cabbage-munching zombie who prefers ketchup over blood, and a dysfunctional family that gives the Kim family of Parasite a run for their money, Zombie for Sale will warm the deadest of hearts and breathe some new life into the zombie genre.” This description sounds like the writer wanted to remind everyone of every Korean movie that’s come out in the last 10 years. Still, it sounds cool, and it is a zombie movie, so I have to check it out.

Trolls World Tour (2020) “Poppy and Branch discover that there are six different troll tribes scattered over six different lands. Each tribe is also devoted to six different kinds of music — funk, country, techno, classical, pop and rock. When rockers Queen Barb and King Thrash set out to destroy the other music, Poppy and Branch embark on a daring mission to unite the trolls and save the diverse melodies from becoming extinct.” Yeah, it’s a kid’s movie, but so are Pixar films, so there. And while this isn’t exactly on the Pixar level, it’s still surprisingly better than you would expect. I liked it, anyway. You can snag this on Blu, 4K, and the obligatory Best Buy Steelbook.

The War of the Worlds (1953) “Scientist Clayton Forrester and Sylvia Van Buren are the first to arrive at the site of a meteorite crash. Soon after, an alien war machine emerges and begins killing at random. The Marines are called in, but they’re no match for the aliens’ force field. Forrester and Van Buren, however, are able to wound one of the creatures and procure a sample of its blood. They take it to Los Angeles where they hope, through testing, to be able to discover the aliens’ weakness.” A true classic of Sci-Fi and Hollywood’s golden era, I really think this is a must-watch for genre fans. A solid adaptation of the book, with great performances, iconic ship and alien designs, and effects that still hold up. This movie has influenced the genre, and filmmakers, to this day. It’s getting the well deserved Criterion treatment, and it’s my Pick of the Week.

And yes, that is where MST3K got the name for one of the Mads.

Earth’s getting a lot of visitors this week.

Spaced Invaders (1990) “When one saucer of an invasion force has engine trouble, it lands on Earth. It happens to be Halloween and it happens the invaders are only about 4 feet tall. As the bumbling aliens wander around the countryside they are taken to be children and they make friends with two children, one of whom is the daughter of the sheriff. As their troubles mount (it’s difficult for five aliens to conquer a world) they begin to give up their plans of conquest, but then there is that nasty killer robot.” Another kid-aimed sci-fi comedy that’s actually pretty darn funny. Even if the gag with one of the aliens is that he’s a riff on Jack Nicholson. It’s goofy, but fun.

The Day the Earth Caught Fire (1961) “U.S. and Russia unwittingly test atomic bombs at the same time, it alters the axis of rotation of the Earth.” Sure, the premise is ludicrous, but no more so than 2112 or The Day After Tomorrow. This is another classic 60s disaster film that stands out by having an ambiguous ending, and being a bit deeper than you would expect. I recommend it.

Black Rainbow (1989) “Martha Travis is a psychic who travels the rural American South with her alcoholic father, Walter, promoting her mystical trade to credulous locals. In reality, Martha is a con woman whose only gift is the ability to defraud those desperate to contact dead loved ones. One night, however, she has a genuine vision of a violent crime which has yet to transpire.” A fun little flick, with Rosanna Arquette and Jason Robards, and presented by our friends at Arrow Video, so if you enjoy a good thriller, you’re gonna want to check this one out.

No, they’re still not paying me.

Skyman (2020) “The story of Carl Merryweather who believes he experienced an alien encounter at 10-years-old and is now trying to reconnect with the UFO as the same location.” This one has me curious, as a fake documentary on how one incident in your childhood can haunt your entire life. And, as those little grey men creep out our good friend Dave from the Needless Things podcast, this is his (unknowing) Must Avoid of the Week.

They don’t call him the Wizard of Gore for nothing.

Herschell Gordon Lewis’ BloodMania (2017) “A horror anthology comprised of four distinct segments that feature a raucous combination of satirical humor, horror, gore, and enough surprises to satisfy film enthusiasts and horror fans alike.” It seems like most horror directors eventually try their hand at an anthology series or movie, and most of them are usually at least decent. So it you like boobs, blood and schlock scares, you’re probably gonna want to check this out.

Belzebuth (2017) “After losing his family in an extremely tragic way, Detective Ritter must investigate a massacre at a school perpetrated by a student. What seemed like a pretty clear case becomes much more dense when a priest of the Vatican appears with another point of view…” Hey, this has Tobin Bell from the Saw movies. Hopefully, this won’t suck.

Gamemaster (2020) “A deep dive into the world of the thriving board game industry and the creators behind popular games.” I love board games, and this is definitely on my must-watch list.

Brutal Massacre: A Comedy (2007) “What has the world come to when the director of Sasquatch at the Mall can’t get a gig? That’s what horror auteur Harry Penderecki is wondering. Once considered a horror legend, with a string of hits like Bowel Movement, People Pesticide and I’ll Take the Ring Back and the Finger Too, he now finds himself on the outside looking in at Hollywood. Determined to make his comeback, Penderecki returns to direct what he believes will be his ultimate masterpiece, Brutal Massacre. Follow along with the documentary crew to discover whether Harry will reassert his genius, or remain a relic of the ’80s.” Our second fake documentary of the week, but this one has Gunnar Hansen, Brian O’Halloran, Ken Foree, and David Naughton as the lead. If, like me, you recognize all those names, this will be a must-watch for you as well. If not, well, you might still want to give this a look.

Other titles of note: The Complete Lenzi/Baker Giallo Collection (Orgasmo / So Sweet… So Perverse / A Quiet Place to Kill / Knife of Ice) (1969-1972), The Flesh and the Fiends (1960), Proximity (2020), Neurosis (1982), Ozone (1995), Escape Room: Quest of Fear (2019), Five Must Die (2017)

So we have a pretty solid selection of movies this week, my Physical Medians, and a decent mix between sci-fi and horror. And we’re now officially half-way though the year, but with a lot fewer movies than usual by this time. I have to wonder what effect this will have on what we see come out the rest of this year. But of what we have so far, let me know which of these are a must-buy for you, a pass, or which ones I missed!