So, Cats. 

Cats.

The movie adaptation of the beloved Broadway show. 

Cats. 

Yeah, that was a movie. It happened.

I saw it. 

I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve never seen the show live. I’ve seen clips, heard the songs, and yeah, it’s iconic. It changed Broadway/Theater in the 80’s, for good or ill, there’s no denying it. There’s also no denying the power of “Memory.” It’s a legit showstopping number. So while I’ve never seen it performed in person, I respect it.

(I will also never forget the SNL bit where John Lovitz was a Hypnotist with a show on Broadway, and all the reviewers were a monotone “I loved it. It was better than Cats. I’m going to see it again and again.” I’d link it if I could find it.) 

As for the movie….wow. 

All I can kind of say is wow. 

First up, yes, the CGI is an absolute train wreck. I didn’t see the “patched” version, but I can not see how any kind of patch would help. It needs major work. There are times the dancer’s feet are not on the floor, but hovering over it. They also usually have no “weight,” and are just obviously not part of the environment. There is sometimes a shifting rim around the actor’s faces where they tried to blur the makeup into the fur, and when it shifts, it’s jarring. 

The design work of the cats themselves was fine, none of them really stuck out as terrible or amazing. But you could tell which ones had received the most work, and which ones were “Ok, this is a background character, we’ll touch it up later. What do you mean we don’t have a later?” 

The directing was serviceable, and I’ll leave it at that. 

The sets were…fine. They had a nice bit of unreality, putting us in this world of weird humanoid cats.  

The acting…isn’t terrible. There’s not a lot of it, as this is a singing musical, so most of the dialog is via song. But there are some moments, and they’re passable. My main issue is that, and I know that I’m going to get heat for saying this, but I dislike James Corden, and I absolutely HATE Rebel Wilson. I wish she’d drop into a hole and never been seen again. So, all their major scenes were not pleasant for me. At all. 

Everyone else was fine, and seemed to be having a good time. I really liked Jennifer Hudson, Laurie Davidson, Judi Dench & Ian McKellen (obviously), and I thought Francesca Hayward was really good. The duo doing Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer (Danny Collins & Naoimh Morgan) reminded me of the Lutece Twins from Bioshock. Not a bad thing. 

And Idris Elba is Idris Fucking Elba. Damn. 

But people don’t really go to Cats for the acting. You go for the choreography, the music, and the songs. And boy howdy, there are a lot of songs.  Most of them are done well, and they made sure to nail “Memory”. They had to get that one right, or people would have rioted.

I also really enjoyed Tailor Swift’s song, but it felt like it had come in from an entirely different movie. “Beautiful Ghosts” was also good, but it was not done any favors by being next to “Memory.” 

I have to say that, overall, the movie is a disjointed mess of a thing. I feel where it worked best was where it was futzed with the least. The tap in the railway cat song,  Victoria’s ballet-inspired performances, and some of the group dances.

I wonder if they ‘d had the courage to go with makeup and prosthetics on a real stage, if it would have worked better? Or been less weird? Maybe? I don’t know.  

I do know, though, why they did go the CGI route, and while I think the effects being the energetic mess that they are will be a factor in why “Cats” ends up being a cult hit, it really could have used another few passes of work. Which probably means a six month delay, at least.

But then, I also wonder if the CGI had been improved, if it really would have made that much of a difference? Or at least a positive one? Because it is this “WTF AM I WATCHING?!” vibe from these weird and wild effects that are adding into the love I’m seeing for this movie online.  

And I get it. I see the appeal. I can feel it pulling on me, trying to get me to join in on the weirdness. There is something catchy about it, beyond the songs that already appeal to fans of the play. (And speaking of attraction, oh lord, can I see this being a huge Furry “that’s when I knew” movie). 

So, in the end, the movie is kinda weird, kinda plotless, that’s only held together by a few good and one great song, but same can be said of the show. So on that note, it’s a good adaptation.

I think it overstays it’s welcome by about 20 minutes (it should end when Grizabella flies off to heavy heaven/rebirth/whatever). It is a hot mess of a movie, but it’s a glorious hot mess, with some standout moments. And I will probably watch it again at home. 

I’m not going to catcall anyone who does love it, even if I don’t exactly do so myself (I think). This is because as a general rule, I try not to harsh anyone else’s buzz. And I would rather see a movie that dares to be weird, to be different, to swing for the fences like this and doesn’t quite get there, than some boring, bland and safe piece of film put together by committee. 

But oh man, it’s a “WTF did I just watch” mess.