DNS was talking to him. JSN punched back up to full alertness and said, "You asshole. What are you doing with these degenerates? You're selling me out to a bunch of devolved--"

"Whoa up there now," DNS said. "We don't believe in that heathen notion of evolution."

"We?"

DNS leaned forward earnestly. "I have accepted Johnny Carson in my heart as my personal savior.

"You're brain damaged," JSN said.

"Maybe so, but Johnny loves me just the same."

"I expect he loves you better because of it."

"None of your sarcasm, now. You're about to get the opportunity of a lifetime. I envy you. I truly do."

"Just let me out of here and I'll reformat all my memories of this. I promise."

"Oh, no. I can't let your moment of weakness keep you from your glorious destiny. You're gonna ride the wave of the future. Together my new brethren and I have seen Johnny's plan for us, and behold, it was glorious."

"Where did you get that hick accent all of a sudden?"

DNS grabbed the front of JSN's shirt. "You were the one wanted to blow these good folk out of the sky. None of you half-metal cripples were willing to open yourselves to the Word. Nobody wanted to give them a home."

"After the UN fiasco, I must admit, the offers were not exactly pouring in."

"Well, they will be soon. We're gonna make all those Pharisees bow to the glory of Johnny. They're gonna take the old values back into their hearts: home, marriage, family, network TV."

"And whose idea was this?"

"Oh, Johnny's of course. As revealed to me in His infinite Wisdom."

"Don't be stupid," JSN said, out of patience and a little scared besides. "Maybe things are a little screwed up right now. But you're not going to fix them by hiding in the past. Wars and patriotism and bigotry aren't the answer to a little slackness in quality control--"

"Who said anything about war?" DNS said. "Any fool knows advertising is the answer. Did not Johnny welcome the sponsors into the temple? That's why you're here. You're one of the biggest pop stars on the planet. People everywhere know who you are. You start new fashions with everything you do." He eyed the remnants of JSN's fiberglass with distaste.

"So?"

"So you're going to marry one of the sistren."

"Marry a devo? No way."

"I told you I don't like that word," DNS threatened.

"I don't care what you call yourselves. Count me out. Forget it. I wouldn't do it if you put a gun to my head."

DNS reached into his kilt and pulled out an ancient handgun. A Colt .38 caliber Python, JSN determined with a quick look-up. DNS put the mouth of the barrel against JSN's left temple.

The door oozed open and Brother Simon came in, followed by the bovine woman who had smiled at JSN in the barn. She was smiling again, glancing back and forth between JSN and her own feet, her cheeks hotly flushed.

"Your bride-to-be," DNS said.

The woman began to undress. JSN stood up, looking quickly away from the yards of quivering flesh. Brother Simon held out a black videocassette, firmly clenched in both hands. "By-the-poor-vestige-of-my-mistake-in-Virginia," he said hurriedly, apparently unable to look away from the female's chest, "aprons-on-you-husb-and-wife. Go for it. Amen."

The female stretched out on her back and raised fleshy arms toward JSN. "Here?" he said. "You expect me to fertilize her? Right here? With you watching?"

"Not just us," DNS said, "but millions more when we rebroadcast the blessed event throughout the world. Soon everyone will want a husb and/or bride of Johnny! We'll bring them down from the mother ship and spread the Good News throughout the world!"

"Amen Brother Dennis," said Brother Simon.

"No," JSN said. "I can't. I won't."

DNS pulled back the hammer of the revolver with an audible click.

Mass hysteria, JSN thought. It would pass, eventually. The world had survived it before, barely, maybe it could live through it again. In the meantime, what else could he do?

He reached a trembling hand to his forehead, found his most conciliatory personality, and smiled down at the naked woman. "Hello, darling," he said.