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Dharma Bum
Grand Master of Flowers
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 2128
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 Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 7:30 pm Post subject: Underworld Evolution review... |
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| Quote: | "You don't scare me, Selene."
"Well, we're just going to have to work on that, aren't we?" -- An exiled vampire historian gets on Selene's bad side
With a few rare exceptions, sequels to good movies are much, much worse than the originals.
Underworld Evolution is not one of those exceptions.
The story picks up right where the first Underworld left off, with vampire huntress Selene and half vamp/half werewolf Michael Corvin running for safety after whacking vamp baddie Viktor. They both are expecting to be hunted by the angry remnants of Selene's people (not to mention some pissed-off werewolves), but things change quite drastically for them both when the father of all vampires, Markus, rises from his centuries-long slumber. Markus isn't happy with what's been happening in his absence, and both Selene and Michael have something he wants.
While the first movie was all about the war between Lycans and Vamps, and how Selene finds herself caught in the middle thanks to Michael, Evolution basically ignores all that in favor of exploring the origins of both supernatural species. Both vampires and werewolves are descended from twin brothers, one bitten by a bat, the other by a wolf, almost one thousand years ago.
Markus, the vampire, wanted to protect his bestial brother William, but was prevented from doing so by the scheming Viktor, and William was imprisoned. Now that he's been awakened, Markus is going to let nothing stand between him and his brother . . . .not even the immortal father of them both.
Sounds epic, no? Unfortunately, Evolution does almost nothing with all this cool mythology. Most sequels, especially sequels to big-budget Hollywood action films, are bigger and flashier than the originals. This film feels a lot smaller and more claustrophobic. |
That's not true at all. Underworld took place in tight stone hallways and subways. Even the car chase largely took place in a tunnel. Evolution was far more open.
Secondly, calling either movie a "big-budget Hollywood action film" is wrong, wrong, wrong. Check out this article. Forty-eight million dollars. That's the price of the twelve minute car chase scene in The Matrix Reloaded. And the first film was twenty two.
| Quote: | | Gone are the hyperkinetic gunbattles between Selene and hordes of supernatural foes. |
No.
| Quote: | | This time around, she gets into a few fistfights, wastes a lot of ammo on apparently bulletproof foes, and eventually ends up defeating the Big Bad in a distressingly mundane way. |
Distressingly mundane? She threw him into a whirling helicopter blade to explode into four chunks pieces of torso flying in four different cardinal directions. I'm sorry, I guess I don't see that as often as you do, Pezzano, but I certainly wouldn't consider it "mundane." And all the mystic exposition required to explain the history of the supernaturals drags at this movie's pace like a lead weight. What the Hell did you want? She suddenly kicks the lid off the ark of the covenant in front of him?
| Quote: | | There are plenty of other missteps this movie makes. The fight scenes are often confusingly edited, and are strangely mundane for battles between intensely powerful supernatural creatures (who knew that the father of all vampires could be defeated by a few good, solid haymakers?). |
Did you really see this film?
| Quote: | The plot starts off well, but quickly degenerates into a boringly predictable morass about halfway through, never picking up again until the final climax has already started.
The whole look and feel of the film is more like a Sci-Fi Channel Original than the setup and mythology would lead you to believe, especially in the surprisingly cheesy revelation about the Father of the Father of the Vampires and Werewolves. Not even Kate Beckinsale getting all nekkid helps, since once she's free of her tight leather, the younger, wussier brother of Scott Stapp from Creed (remember him?) is rubbing his flaccid self all over her the whole time. |
My attention was not concentrated on the dude and he was easy to see around. The sex scene may also serve as a good transition to another sequel. A baby who's mother is a super vampire and who's father is a vampire/human/werewolf hybrid. That'd be a kid with potential.
| Quote: | | Underworld Evolution‘s biggest crime, though, is its wasted potential. The only Lycans who appear are mindless beasts, not at all the angry, but clever underdogs of the original. The delightfully scheming vampire covens are basically gone, replaced by Markus and a bunch of rejects from Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell. |
The first Underworld was a boring presentation showcasing the bitchiest looking women to ever live on the face of planet Earth. It couldn't be more mainstream Hollywood. It had bullet time, Matrix leather uniform, characters with bad attitudes, sexy vampires, a car chase in a beautiful vehicle, European decadence. Barely any substance. The Bloodrayne videogames gave their character more depth than Selene. Evolution at least gave the characters it paid attention to some depth. There was no bad guy this time, which made the movie a lot more conflicting. Markus' motivation to fight were to either defend himself against his attackers, or to free his brother. Cornelius didn't want to harm his own children. The humans were just scared. The lycans couldn't control themselves. Even when Marcus killed his father, he did it because he resented his father's neutrality, which allowed Viktor and his minions to go virtually unchecked until Markus started kicking ass.
| Quote: | | Gone is the intriguing "war" subplot, |
The elder vampires and Lucian are dead...
| Quote: | | or the mass combats between machine-gun-wielding supernatural creatures, |
Because most of them are dead...
| Quote: | | or the dark mysteries of the world the vampires and Lycans share, |
There were still conspiracies in this one...
| Quote: | | or the nifty bits of pseudoscience like anti-vamp UV bullets, |
They were still there. The UV flashbomb was also introduced...
| Quote: | | or even the really cool urban setting (most of this movie is set in the dark forests of Eastern Europe. Since when was the first Underworld set in Eastern Europe?). |
I'd have to watch it again, but the women in the first movie looked very, very Eastern European. I'd bet my canines that both of these movies were shot in the Czech Republic.
| Quote: | | This movie also wastes its cast. Derek Jacobi does his Embarrassed Actor duties as the Architect-clone Alexander Corvinus, father of Markus and William. Kate Beckinsale is cute and pouty, but seems to have lost some of the ass-kicking charm she had in the first picture. Scott Speedman is just as useless as the Abomination Michael (and has zero chemistry with Beckinsale). And Tony Curran as Markus is much more Cliched Evil Mastermind than his conflicted character really should be. Michael Sheen as the clever, subtle werewolf leader Lucian is sorely missed here (he appears only in flashbacks), but considering how much this movie made everything and everyone else suck, perhaps it's a good thing that he isn't tainted by appearing more in this film. |
I disagree with every sentence. Except, yes, I really liked Lucian, he is sorely missed.
| Quote: | There are a few things that Underworld Evolution did right, though. The sudden death and return of a major character was as close to a surprise as anything in this movie got. The fights we did get to see between vampires and Lycans were very well done, and in the climax they even managed to reach exciting.
And despite the uselessness of the Michael character, the way he and Selene worked together in those fight scenes was quite well done; in my review of the first film, I gave props to it for not shunting Selene aside while the male hero did all the fighting in the climax, and I give Evolution the same kind of credit.
But pretty much everything that made the first movie so cool has been abandoned in the sequel, with the exception of Kate Beckinsale's leather catsuit. Unfortunately that (and a few close-ups of her naked, writhing hips) isn't nearly enough to make up for good stuff there could have been in this movie, and it's definitely not enough to make up for all the bad stuff that it actually contains. Where the first Underworld was a flashy, bullet-soaked clash of classic supernatural creatures, the sequel is too boring, too small-scale, too mundane, and too talky. Skip this movie, and go rent the original again. You'll enjoy yourself a lot more. |
I loved this movie a lot more than the original. In fact, the first time I saw it, I walked out of the theater. I caught the rest one night I couldn't sleep on Showtime. The first movie was The Matrix with vampires, and I couldn't have been more bored. The only movie that metrosexualled itself up and remained interesting was Equilibrium. Evolution, however, was a character driven love story on the run, and I enjoyed it way more than you rated it.
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wolvie110
Rogue
Joined: 14 Sep 2005
Posts: 87
Location: Canada, Bub.
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 7:49 pm Post subject: |
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| So what rating out of ten would you give it, Jack? |
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The Pyrate Kincaid
Revolutionary
Joined: 02 Dec 2005
Posts: 273
Location: Atlanta, GA
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 10:10 pm Post subject: |
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**The Pyrate stands to attention at Jack's verbal-osity, drops his pants........and salutes!@**
Yeah!!! Get-em.....sick'em, dawg! Grrrrowwwwl......ruufff.....sssssnaaaarrl
Hell yeah. That's what I like to see. A full on break-down of a film, followed by a sizable contrary opinion!
go'awn! Getchefreakon, .....muuuthaffff{edited}kaa
See that, Wolvie
THAT'S how it's done, baby!
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Dharma Bum
Grand Master of Flowers
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 2128
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 10:34 pm Post subject: |
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| wolvie110 wrote: | | So what rating out of ten would you give it, Jack? |
I'd say it deserves an eight. It wasn't an "Oh, my God, I can't believe you haven't seen this" type film, but it certainly wasn't a "Sci Fi Channel Original" as Kevin put it. I'd say that it's coolness factor is on par with movies like Narnia, above Aeon Flux, and below King Kong.
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wolvie110
Rogue
Joined: 14 Sep 2005
Posts: 87
Location: Canada, Bub.
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 10:57 pm Post subject: |
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| The Pyrate Kincaid wrote: | **The Pyrate stands to attention at Jack's verbal-osity, drops his pants........and salutes!@**
Yeah!!! Get-em.....sick'em, dawg! Grrrrowwwwl......ruufff.....sssssnaaaarrl
Hell yeah. That's what I like to see. A full on break-down of a film, followed by a sizable contrary opinion!
go'awn! Getchefreakon, .....muuuthaffff{edited}kaa
See that, Wolvie
THAT'S how it's done, baby! |
Just out of curiosity, what type of bus do you ride to school? |
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The Pyrate Kincaid
Revolutionary
Joined: 02 Dec 2005
Posts: 273
Location: Atlanta, GA
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 11:34 pm Post subject: |
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............uppp........tharrye go, ladd'y......try'n t'be a'gett'n alllll parrr'son'l an' stuff. Ne'r ye mind tha LARGE YE'LLER BUS I ride~
Haaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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The Pyrate Kincaid
Scallywagg |
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wolvie110
Rogue
Joined: 14 Sep 2005
Posts: 87
Location: Canada, Bub.
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 11:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Forget I asked. |
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SINeater
Rioter
Joined: 25 Jan 2006
Posts: 16
Location: california
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| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:04 am Post subject: |
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Loved it. Still enjoy the original, but the sequel is my favorite of the two.
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Dharma Bum
Grand Master of Flowers
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 2128
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Superdave
Grand Master of Flowers
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 2359
Location: Fukuoka, Japan (Yes, it's a real place)
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| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 4:07 am Post subject: |
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Hey now...quiet, maybe. Not terribly busy. But dead? Every time I've visited this site today (and since I'm off work, that's at least ten times) there's been multiple new messages.
Of course, as spamcop, I have to check every message, so maybe I'm just overly comfortable with a not-too-busy board.
Oh, but congrats to SINeater as our hundredth member!
Actually, due to kicking spammers, SIN is our 111th person to sign up, which is kind of hobbity. Counting that way, we don't really have a 100th member, as that person was a bottom-sucking spammer who was trying to sell cheap drugs or a Russian dating service or something like that. |
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KaosDevice
They Who Walk Behind The Binary Rows
Joined: 27 Jul 2005
Posts: 3355
Location: Kansas
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| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 9:17 am Post subject: |
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| Jack the Ripper wrote: | | I'd say it deserves an eight. It wasn't an "Oh, my God, I can't believe you haven't seen this" type film, but it certainly wasn't a "Sci Fi Channel Original" as Kevin put it. |
I'm probably going to go see it. I would agree with you that comparing something to a made for SciFi film is an extrordinarilly harsh judgement. I mean we are talking the 'Python vs. Boaconstrictor' team here after all.
Of course we aren't talking Uwe Boll bad, but this is polite company after all.
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I do not kill with my gun. He who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father.
I kill with my heart. |
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SINeater
Rioter
Joined: 25 Jan 2006
Posts: 16
Location: california
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| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 1:54 pm Post subject: |
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lmao...Thanks for the welcome guys. I think I will stick with the 100th spot, sounds much better than 111th..
Plus should those spammers be counted as actual people?
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The Pyrate Kincaid
Revolutionary
Joined: 02 Dec 2005
Posts: 273
Location: Atlanta, GA
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| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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Heeey, now SIN......that's a question for a NEW TOPIC! Sa, comon'....roll it up, light it! Let's pass this around, eh!
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The Pyrate Kincaid
Scallywagg |
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SINeater
Rioter
Joined: 25 Jan 2006
Posts: 16
Location: california
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| Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 12:43 am Post subject: |
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A "are spammers real" thread? That could work... I know telemarketers don't have souls...atleast the ones that call me don't. 
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Dharma Bum
Grand Master of Flowers
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 2128
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| Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 4:56 am Post subject: |
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Hey, now, I used to be a telemarketer. I had to take that job to earn my soul back, thankyouverymuch.
No, in all seriousness, when I sold my soul to Satan, it was in exchange for my rugged good looks and martial arts skills. After she granted me my wish and took my soul, I kicked Satan's ass with my new ninjitsu abilities and got my soul back. Satan appreciates irony, and couldn't help but laugh. She said, "I should've saw that one coming." We now play poker together every Wednesday.
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