Say what you will about good
ol' Wil (pun intended), he's the funniest and most honest person to talk
about the inside of SF. If you only read one thing, read the FAQ. (email@example.com)
Hey, I've got nothing against Wil Wheaton. It's Shirtless Wesley that's
scarring my mind. And now yours. Heh.
hhhmmmm.... Why didn't i put the full Crap, instead opting for the pg 13
well, i didn't want to inspire the sort of reaction a full crap would have
drawn out. See, I was talking about my supprise about a FREE computer service
being free, acurate, speedy, and good for getting me ph4t l00+ for free, so
I was only moderatly supprised. Afterall, with proper planning and testing,
getting the free prizes thingamajig shouldn't be earth shattering.
Now if we are talking about true genuine astonishment, imagin this HIGHLY
a)I go see Ep II, knowing full well its bound to be CRAP
In this situation, I would not shy away from using Crap, along with a couple
other words to explain propperly my emotion. going back to our example above,
i would use the following (warrning to webmaster, you may be editing this)
Holy [Sith], Wow, [Filk] yeah, [Sith] on a Shingle, Who took Episode two,
what did you do with it, and what was that exelent movie. Crap on a craker
(not you shane, i mean a saltene, not a man from alabama) lucas isn't the
antichrist, but just her little [banana] monkie.......
and so on and so forth. I hope now you will appreciate my restraint in using
only C*** (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Restraint is a lovely thing, except in conjunction with a spell-checker.
Subject: RE: SF
How 'bout "Soylent Green"? Or "The Omega Man"? Saw "Soylent
Green" as a course requirement in college, and it always kind of creeps
me out... (LeisSuit@aol.com)
Chuck Heston affects me that way, too. Do you think they'd update Soylent
Green for these kinder, gentler times? "Soylent Green is puddin'! It's
puddin'!" Mmmmmmmm... puddin'.
Subject: Bad Joe
<<Personally, with the winter coming, I want me a dead Tauntaun, so
I can cut it open and curl all up inside it, all warm and cuddly and snug.
Ok, THAT was gross! Yuck!
I fell on the floor with bad images in my head and my tummy trying to crawl
out through my nose....ewwwwwwwwwwwww....
Bad Joe! I think YOU deserve a trip to the drab room! (email@example.com)
Unfortunately, if we sent Joe to the Drab Room, his sparkling wit and bubbly
personality would suck the drab right off the walls, thereby rendering the room
useless for further punishments.
Subject: I wonder if I have any room left...?
<<Rubber Duckie: Not just for the bathtub anymore!>>
Oh, that is SO going up on my door later! Just need to find a clear spot....
You nail rubber duckies to your door and you're worried about a dead Tauntaun
<<You and the dude with the rubber duckie should get together. Imagine
a rubber duck spouting sci-ku. It makes me all-a-tingle!>>
Ermm...I will assume you mean "dude" in a non-gender specific way.
Cause this dude is most definently a girl.
Oh, don't mind him. Once you start talking about rubber duckies he loses
As for the sci-kus, please forgive me, as I'm not very good at this...
I have been waiting
on this line all filking day.
Will you sign my duck?
The dude with the duck
Is most clearly not a dude.
Girls read sci-fi too!
The duck cannot read.
Nor can it spout poetry.
The duckie goes "quack!"
Oooh..I'm quite sorry for those. I promise never to do that again. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
You had to bring up the rubber duckies again. It's gonna take us DAYS to
calm Rick down.
it am wednesday! where am new 6 digress? me not mad at you, joe! me think
you hard worker. hello! (email@example.com)
You're close, but the classic Sci-ku structure is a 5-7-5 cadence. A little
fine-tuning and you'll be churning 'em out like out etoilepaix here:
Subject: Sciku: movie edition
It's movie season!
This year we get many to
Choose among. Or not?
One: Harry Potter.
I admit I read the books.
Really rather good.
But the movie? Hmm.
I was more watching the guy
That I had brought. Cute!
Lord of the Rings next
Installment One, anyway
I will go see it.
To the "The Matrix" sequel?
I have heard no news.
Then Episode two.
In high school I skipped class to
attend the premiere.
And I will again!
The same friend and I will play
At College hooky.
I am done for now
But I will vist more bad
sciku tomorrow. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Welcome, noble friend.
Your Sci-ku reviews kick ass.
Please send some more soon.
Discuss Potter books
With smart and funny people
our message board.
Lord of the Rings nears.
Can good come from one who gave
Us Meet the Feebles?
So Buffy and Spike
Are doing the nasty now?
Are they still singing?
Sorry - once the sci-kus start I get giddy as a little girl.
Hi, my name is Ben, and i've never seen Invader Zim. Thus begins another
meeting of HSZA (Haven't Seen Zim Anynimous) Guest speakers will cover such
topics as "No, Zim is not like Buzz Lightyear: Space Ranger" and
"INVADER HUTA breath, not INVID. Get these Robotehc geeks out of here"
also watch for a special lecture by Harlan Ellison and the spirit of RAH on
"How Satanic Worship leads to your kids becoming Corporate Attorneys"
Hi, Ben. So tell me; if none of us here at the meeting have seen Invader
Zim, how do we know he isn't like Buzz Lightyear: Space Ranger? And
even Satan hisownself tries to avoid corporate attorneys.
Subject: Hey, I like fishing shows!
"I was moreso berating the loss of stuff for kids to watch on free TV
Saturday mornings besides Saturday Today, hunting and fishing shows, and this
week in college football."
What's wrong with fishing shows? I always watch to see what's new with fly-fishing
and doggone it, if I didn't watch my huntin' shows (notice, I didn't say 'hunting')
I'da never scored my favorite hunting cap from Mossberg. (email@example.com)
Nobody said fishing shows were bad. Heck, I'd be lost without my Bass-o-Matic.
But variety is the spice of life, and you can only watch Earl pull a mudcat
out of the water so many times before a Bugs Bunny break becomes necessary.
Subject: rhythman1234 and Invader ZIM
<< Yep, FOX Kids can go tunnel off down the Great Toilet Bowl that
has vanquished much worthier adversaries like Lone Gunmen and even Cleopatra2525.
At last, I have found someone who sees the light with me! Come, fellow brother.
We must storm the evil FOX Kids castle together...
Oh, yeah, and I was just checking out that TV Guide, and it appears that
Invader ZIM is switching times AGAIN. The show is going back to its original
9PM/8PM Central time slot. Will Nickelodeon just make up their minds already?!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You want television executives who can't see past the
next Happy Meal tie-in to recognize and support a show simply because people
like it? We should all live in that lovely corner of Fairy Land.
Subject: Sci Fi Soundtracks
Led Zepplin for your Sci Fi & Fantasy Needs--Immigrant Song, Battle of
Evermore, Misty Mountain Hop, and Gallow's Pole. Okay, throw in some
Hendrix too. Hey wait... what about Pink Floyd? Oh and wait White Zombie and
Rob Zombie stuff you know "More Human Than Human" diggin' on Blade
Runner man... Oh wait classical music especially Wagner, "Flight of the
Valkyries" that's awesome for space mecha combat. Oh but Nine Inch Nail's
industrial stuff and Filter and ...wait a minute Electric Hell Fire Club definitely,
oh and let's not forget CCCP, but then there's like Enya, and Loreena McKennit
that are cool especially if you have noteiced the connection between the very
soothing tracks from McKennit means that the movie is going to have a freak-out
blood fest in it. Oh wait Thomas Dolby....OOOhhh what about Devo. Of course
Blue Oyster Cult. Sonic Youth especially the "Sprawl" track lends
itself to cyberpunk...Lords of Acid...Happy Rhodes...Jane Siberry...Shonen
Knife....okay rant done can sleep now...zzzzzzzzz... (firstname.lastname@example.org)
What? No Michael Bolton?
Subject: scifi music
wow, rhythman1234 kind of said exaclty what I would have said about scifi
music with two exceptions:
Clasic (ie. mass consumption) scifi need clasic music. period. Don't beleve
me, watch the beggining of enterprise.
I would include Skinny Puppy under cyber punk, but it all personal taste
(I only listened to FF last time i read neuromancer) (email@example.com)
Depends on what you mean by "classic". Three Dog Night was a fine
band, but I have no desire to listen to "Momma Told Me Not To Come"
while reading Dune.
Subject: Some People Will Believe Anything
I just thought you'd like to know that at least one person appears to have
believed every word of the story about the
"Hubbard Award" for Whitley Streiber.
I always believe every word of what I read here.
We got an e-mail today from someone asking if he can get advance seating
for this award ceremony.
Yeah, right! As if a crowd that size could be anything but first-come, first-serve.
Now, I couldn't really tell if maybe he was pulling our leg as well, but
on the chance that he was not, I explained that the technical term for such
things is "a joke" or "satire."
Ooooooo! I love it when you get technical.
For a good plain-English explanation of how the Hugo Awards actually work,
I referred him to Cheryl Morgan's article on her EMERALD CITY website at http://www.emcit.com/hugo_home.shtml.
2002 Hugo Awards (firstname.lastname@example.org)
If, on the other hand, you prefer snarky commentary delivered in fractured
English with sci-ku and numerous puddin' references, then don't touch that dial!