Before you read this, read the RevSF review of Scary Tales.

RevSF asks Michael Hoffman, director of Scary Tales, a coupla stupid questions.

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Which one is your girlfriend, Lindsay Horgan or Thorin Taylor Hannah?

MH: Good observation. Lindsay -- and no, Thorin isn't Lindsay's girlfriend (or Bill's for that matter). I'm very proud of Lindsay. The reviews for her performance were very positive from many critics.

The movie's budget was $30,000. Admit it, you spent most of that money on beer.

MH: Unfortunately, no (though I used alcohol some to get Thorin in that g-string for the sex scene). It's almost $35,000. A camera, lighting, computer, editing software, locations and tapes (I've used over 35 dv tapes). Little expenditures add up. Plus, we shot the film all over the state and stayed in hotels. Tampa (where we shot the agents' scenes) is almost four hours from me.

In "Hit and Run", did Bill Cassinelli actually run over a little girl, or was that just pretend?

MH: I decline to answer until the legal proceedings are finalized.

Did the dolls in "Hit and Run" come from your personal collection?

MH: Why yes. I collect many dolls -- Barbie, Rainbow Starbright, even those hot GI Joes (oh wait, I shouldn't have said that). Actually, they belong to Bill's younger sister.

Whose rainbow pillowcase was that?

MH: Bill's mother's. It was a hard find -- an homage to a film called House of Terror (the lead character has the same sheet set -- no lie). It's one of many homages. Also, the names Dennis Frye and Mr. Longellow are the same as the two lead characters in Don Dohler's 1980 film Fiend.

How autobiographical is "I Ain't Got No Body"?

MH: Not at all. Sorry -- I'm quite popular and likeable (unlike Bill and Dennis Frye).

How autobiographical is "The Death of…"?

MH: Well, I've never been shot down in flames. However, Night of the Drinking Dead is a screenplay I've tried to get funded for years. It is going to be the first film ever to have a built-in drinking game (take shots with the zombies). Cannibal Carpenter was a joke Bill and I have thrown around for years. Now, that would be a GREAT film.

Which is better, Creepshow or Creepshow 2?

MH: Creepshow 2!!!! That lake segment… and the wooden Indian… brilliant. SARCASM INTENDED. Creepshow is obviously the better of the two films. A classic.

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

MH: With Robert Downy Jr. shooting up.

What's your favorite kind of puddin'?

MH: Jello Puddin' Pops (Bill Cosby mode).

Is star Bill Cassinelli the next C. Thomas Howell?

No. More like the next Brian Bosworth. Howell's much, much too talented to be compared with Bill. How insulting (see Soul Man?).

In a fight between you and Bill Cassinelli, who would win?

Me. Bill would be drunk. He's always drunk (or, at least that's his excuse for writing the doll segment).

Tell us why the next important B-movie renaissance will be centered in Florida.

MH: Because I'll be running it -- and forcing you to fly down and sit through Scary Tales again. Three times. With your eyelids taped open. Also, everyone loves Scary Tales. Period. It's the biggest hit ever to come from a Florida filmmaker (aside from some little movie called The Blair Witch Project).