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Felicia Day Not Really A Gamer
© Peter Padraic O`Sullivan
July 29, 2011

Nerd rage echoed across San Diego Comic-Con 2011 when it was revealed that queen geek and web icon Felicia Day had never played a game in her life.

The secret slipped out on Saturday, the busiest day of the convention, when Slave Leias ran rings around the throngs of Leeloos and Companion Cubes trapped amongst the slavering fanboys (and girls) all hoping to rub elbows with major celebrities such as Lou Ferrigno, Peter Mayhew, and Robert "Bob" Picardo.

According to witnesses, the "Do You Wanna Date My Avatar?" hit-maker and star of the web-comedy series, The Guild, told a group of fans waiting for autographs, "Well, the only game I've ever really played was E.T. on the Atari, and even then I could only stick my neck out."

A near riot broke out as word of Ms. Day's gaffe rippled throughout the hall. Convention attendee Opie Juan Canopy said, "It was if a millions voices cried out and were suddenly silenced."

Fan reaction was decidedly negative. One fan, who had dressed up as the character of Vi from Buffy the Vampire Slayer staged a protest in front of Hall H, and publicly shaved off her red hair.

Spokespeople for Ms. Day were quick to dispel the notion that she had never played video games. "There is video of her playing games at E3," said one source, although critics were just as quick to point out that she seemed nervous and unsure when testing an Xbox kinect driven Star Wars game.

One Jerry Parikh, who claimed to be cousin of Ms. Day's fellow The Guild castmate Sandeep Parikh, told this reporter, "You should have seen when Felicia was researching The Guild. I offered to show her how to grind, and she slapped me!"

It was still unclear as of Saturday evening whether Ms. Day's statement about gaming was indeed a misstatement, some hidden truth, or merely the product of the game Telephone gone wildly out of control.

By Sunday morning, the Twitterverse was all hashed with the tags #notagamer, #sayitaintso, and #feliciamarrymepleasemymomwontmindyoumovingintoourbasement.

Zachary Levi, the self proclaimed scruffy looking nerd herder and star of the critically acclaimed hit NBC spy drama Chuck, offered his support in a series of tweets. Strangely, both Wil Wheaton and Seth Green remained silent on the subject.

In the middle of any controversy swims the specter of conspiracy. Already several twits have tweeted that this gaffe was a mere distraction from the real issue: Karen Gillan. In the world of geekdom, red is the new black, and Karen Gillan is the new redheaded darling.

Fresh from one and a half seasons of making the hearts of Doctor Who fans go aflutter, actress Karen Gillan, who plays the inestimable Amy Pond on the show, made her Comic-Con appearance this weekend.

"She's trying to upstage Karen," Bedelia Marsh claimed while eating lunch at the nearby Cafe Diem. "She's jealous because Karen's our favorite ginger, and she can't handle that."

Whether this was a war of the redheads or a malicious slander started by an anonymous third party, one thing is for sure: fandom will never be the same.

Already the blowback can be felt in small ways. Discussions about whether Day's status as a non-gamer might be inserted into the current season of The Guild, drives to supply her with a subscription to Blizzard Entertainment's World of Warcraft and Trion's Rift, and a plethora of mainstream indifference have dominated the internet.

When asked about how this alleged revelation affected his feelings, fan Snapper McRory said, "Makes no difference to me. I still wanna date her avatar."

Peter Padraic O'Sullivan holds a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing from San Jose State University, is fluent in Geek, Nerd, and Satire, and has built a ball of string larger than his own head. When he's not teaching college students to string words together in meaningful ways, he tweets about it at powriter. He survived his attempt to meet Harlan Ellison, as noted by RevolutionSF at Harlan and Hypoglycemia: A BayCon Quest.

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