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Sci-Fi TV Preview: Syfy Channel 2011 -2012
© Joe Crowe
April 14, 2011

Syfy released its schedule for a bunch of new shows. Here is a preview, using only text from Syfy's press release.

Alphas

(July) A super-team with "brain anomalies" led by David Strathairn. They must balance their "quirky personalities" and "stop the ticking time bomb." In every episode? Thanks for the spoiler warning.

Ira Steven Behr, Gail Berman, and Zak Penn are producers.

Haunted Collector

(June) A reality show about a family that tracks down spirits that live in objects, including "haunted paintings, guns, jewelry and dolls." The family takes the stuff and puts it in their museum, which "brings normalcy back" to the lives of the people who had the stuff. It's Hoarders, but instead of lecturing people about being messy, it tells them their stuff is a vessel of the undead.

It says the title is a "working title." That's good, since "Haunted Collector" sounds like the family has the creeps.

Legend Quest

(July) A reality show with a "real-life symbologist" who searches for artifacts with "mystical significance." Each episode will include "Indiana Jones-type adventure and Da Vinci Code-style connections."

That sounds pretty neat. Nicolas Cage and Tia Carrere are both awesome.

We were talking about National Treasure and Relic Hunter, right?

Paranormal Witness

(September) Re-enacts stories of people who met some spooks.

Those shows are ready to air. The following shows are still in the works.

Battlestar: Blood & Chrome

In the tenth year of the Cylon war, "hot-headed risk-taker" Adama leads a dangerous mission that will "turn the tide of the decade-long war."

We already know it won't turn the tide too much, what with all the Cylons nuking all the cities on all the colonies' planets. But, you know, besides from all the impending death of everyone on the show, it sounds fun.

Three Inches

"Professional daydreamer" can move objects three inches with his mind.

He meets other "extraordinarily ordinary people." This sounds like a Saturday Night Live sketch from the 1980s, "The Interesting Four." I hope someone is The Human Stapler.

In the Dark

"Third tier ghost hunters" whose "efforts tend to highlight their incompetence." That is risky business. I've never seen a network have a show that blatantly makes fun of other shows on the network. Good stuff.

Me and Lee

This may still happen. Lee Majors, playing himself, makes a guy bionic and becomes his mentor. I want to see this show right now.Is it ready yet?

What about now?

Culture Shock with Tommy Lee

Tommy Lee from Motley Crue investigates mysteries of secret societies. I was hoping this was a typo and it's actually Tommy Lee Jones. That would be bad-assery. But no. Instead it really apparently is the Motley Crue guy. I've seen quite enough of his reality, thank you very much. Maybe in this one he won't show his weiner.

Monster Man

Reality show about movie prop maker Cleve Hall and his family. It's about the "craziness of this fun family."

They better be fun or so help me . . .

Stunts Unlimited

Stuntmen who do stunts on movies. It's about the "innovations and problem solving necessary to accomplish the most spectacular stunts in Hollywood." That sounds pretty cool.

I predict on every episode, slow-mo scenes where the whole cast makes worry faces while one guy climbs inside a suit, then they set it on fire, and he flails around, then they pull him out, and he's not burned to death, and everyone cheers.

Hi Tech Hoaxes

Teams of "engineers, tech geniuses and pranksters" compete to execute hoaxes on unsuspecting people. So it's Punk'D. I guess the hoaxes will not scare the poop out of the victims, since Scare Tactics does that. Bummer.

Dinner with Deepak

Author and "spiritual teacher" Deepak Chopra eats and hangs out with "noteworthy guests" and they talk about stuff while they eat. I'm going to call a skip on this one unless all they talk about is what they're eating. "I do love me some biscuits!" for the whole show.

Tyler Shields

It's about a guy named Tyler Shields, not a sentence describing the show. Tyler doesn't shield anybody. Instead he's an "unconventional photographer." He takes "eye-popping, jaw-dropping photos." And that's the whole show.

Overthunk

"Gizmo gladiators" make machines and compete against each other to see if the things really work. So it's a cooking show, but with metal.

Change the Day You Die

"An inspiring new reality series" uses "state-of-the-art science to dramatically transport" players to see what will kill them. The people are nominated by their loved ones, who must go on a "10-week transformational journey" to fix their bad habits.

What if your bad habit is killing family members who put you on a reality show?

Imagination Nation

The people who make the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog go and find inventors for their catalog. An inventor with an idea as good as the Snuggie is waiting out there somewhere.

America’s Smartest Kids

I hope this is about those babies from those commercials who can read when they're three weeks old.


RevolutionSF's Joe Crowe cannot wait for the all - chicken finger episode of Change The Day You Die.

 
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