I swear to God, I thought Kurt Russell movie series were dead.

Both Escape From New York and The Thing will get new movies. Nowhere in any news does it say that Kurt Russell will be in them. That makes me sad.

They're even remaking Overboard, his movie with Goldie Hawn, but I thought they already did that. It was called Titanic.

The Thing Prequel

Nothing slap-assed ever happens when someone does a prequel.

The movie takes place in the Norwegian base from the John Carpenter movie. The Thing built a cute robot, then he married a princess, and now he's Kurt Russell's father.

Escape From New York

The guy who remade The Crazies, Breck Eisner, is directing. This report said to get the rights to the movie, they had to guarantee that the new guy playing Plissken must be called "Snake," must wear an eye patch, and "always be a bad-ass."

What a crazy coincidence! I put that same stuff in my wedding vows.

We have to be on our guard. If the remakes take us over, they will have no more enemies, no one left to kill them. And then they've won.