The Hall of Lame is for the uninspired, the condescending, the boring, and the irritating. Do we love to hate these characters? Is it silly or cool to enjoy their slap-assed antics? Nope. The Lameassery is not for those whose lameness is fun.

The characters here track mud into the house of geekdom, so we must hose them down.

Michael from Lost

Before the Lost island, Michael didn't really want his boy Waaaaaalt or his dog. Then on the island, Michael turned into a sputtering doofus, who wouldn't let his boy have a turn at golf.

While the rest of the Lost castaways got more interesting, Michael got less interesting, because all of a sudden now he wanted Waaaaaalt. Then Waaaaaaaalt got kidnapped, so Michael whined more about finding Waaaaaalt. He wanted to get off the island so bad, even though he had more to whine about on the mainland. Then he shot girls! Two of them! 187, right to the dome. One of them was Hurley's woman.

But the island got him back, because he tried to whack himself and the island wouldn't let him. Then the island let him get blowed up real good. Good job, island.

Waaaaaaaaalt

We get it. The Wesley Crusher of Lost, Waaaaaaalt, is special. It was drilled into our heads in every episode. His dog Vincent is an angel. Or the devil. Or a shapeshifter. Waaaaaaalt is a mutant, or a super genius, or ana angel. Every episode focused on him, and how great Locke thought he was. And Locke was Vulcan Jedi Rambo, so we believed it. Then he gets kidnapped, and after all those episodes searching for him, all those episodes with dad Michael whining, Waaaaaaaalt turns out to be just a regular kid. Super genius kids are lame. But when you think someone is a super kid, but they are normal, that's even worse.

Kate

Everybody dogpiles on Kate. It's so trendy to hate Kate. So let's get started!

On the island, Kate was manipulative and selfish. Then she became a protective motherly type. Then she changed back to selfish. Then back to sweet. Then back to selfish. That is not character development. That is lameness.

Then we learned that the terrible thing in her past was she killed a bad person who deserved it. We understand that. Then she drugged Captain Mal, and got the kid from the Garbage Pail Kids movie gut-shot, and those things we cannot forgive. Later, she got a bunch of guys killed so she could get a toy plane out of a bank.

But if we know Kate, she'll survive the Lost island fine. Someone will try to help her, and then she'll run like the Three Stooges after they throw cream pies at a party.

"Oh, a wise guy, eh?"

Doctor Jack

Everybody dogpiles on Jack. It's so trendy to hate Jack. So let's get started!

Jack's problems can be summed up in about 150,000 words. But here are highlights.

Daddy issues. Dude, get over it.
Girl issues: Dude, get over it.
Shaving issues: Dude, shave your whole face with a sharp razor. Everyone else on the island can do it.

Then when he got off the island, he grew a luxuriant hillbilly beard, so hideous that we could not look away. But that he shaved off, returning to the raw meat look. Uncool.

Jack is supposed to be the hero of the show, yet he never strives to conquer his problems. He screams and boo-hoos about them. There's no crying when you're shipwrecked on an island! Did Skipper ever cry? Hell to the no, not even when Gilligan stepped on his foot.