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Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
Reviewed by Joe Crowe, © 2009

Format: Movie
By:   David Yates (director), Steve Kloves (screenplay)
Genre:   Harry Potter
Review Date:   July 16, 2009
Audience Rating:   PG
RevSF Rating:   8/10 (What Is This?)

"Being me has its privileges." -- Dumbledore

Here is what I liked and didn't like about the latest 'Arry movie , in convenient list form.

Sucks: Dumbledore blocks Harry's play with the cute waitress. "Thanks a lot, boss-man who never gives filking pertinent information."

Rocks: Bellatrix. "I killed Sirius Black! I killed Sirius Black!" Helena Bonham Carter goes bitch-cakes so well.

Sucks: Harry the sidekick. I'm used to Harry not being the coolest character in the story, but this time he didn't do much except get macked on by Ginny.

Rocks: Kid Voldemort. I really wanted him to be all sweet like Jake Lloyd's Anakin, so I would hate him. Instead, he's an Omen kid and I love him. He's played by grown up Voldemort Ralph Fiennes' real-life nephew. So Voldemort grows up and loses his nose. Sad.

Sucks: Potion class. On the first day, Slughorn gets the beginners to whomp up a death potion for no good reason. And then it has no role in the story except to show that cheating bastard Harry is better than good upstanding Hermione.

Rocks: Slughorn. He does a killer impression of Grandpa Munster. I mean that as a compliment.

Sucks: Ricky Schroeder as Malfoy. I know the actor is not the great Mr. Schroeder. He just looks like him. But he can dream.

Rocks: No wacky rides. No brooms. No flying cars. No wonderful train to fairy land. Just a long, dull train trip. Feel our pain, magic people.

Sucks: Luck potion. It made Harry feel slightly more confident, briefly. I thought these people were magicians.

Rocks: Hermione. "Will you ever stop eating?!"

Sucks: Little Hagrid. He is a giant in one scene, then in another, he's about the same as the wizards.

Rocks: Puny humans. So the death-eaters wreck a bridge and kill a bunch of muggles, in public. The magic folk don't try to save even one human. They don't cover up the magic related evilness. They just leave the humans flopping in the breeze, because they ain't got the time, baby.

Rocks: Giant Ron. While Harry and Hermione brood by looking out the window. Ron broods by himself a few feet away. Yes, because he's lazy. But also because now he's like 3 feet taller than they are.

Sucks: Harry and the death water. He can make water, but he can't change death water into non-death water?

Rocks: Death water. Best scene in the movie. I figured Dumbledore is the man. He'll just drink it. He's put worse things in his mouth, right?

Then he punks out and Harry has to make him choke it down, like any average frat party.

Then he's all boo-hooey after drinking the death water. That's for blowing Harry's chance with the waitress.

Sucks: Not enough Luna. Needs her own book. Get off the gold-plated yacht and get to work, Rowling.

Rocks: Snape rules. The next two movies have the awesome battle royal scenes. Those are the only parts anyone will remember. This movie had the famous spoiler-warning scene, and Alan Rickman nailed it. But that's what he does. That's all he does.

Sucks: Wands in the air, waving like they just don't care. Dumbledore bites it (OMG spoilers!!!!) so all the wizards light 'em up. It was supposed to be somber and honorific, but it looked like the end of a big dance number.

Rocks: Dumbledore. This is his movie. We see him in flashback when he was just starting on his rocking Wizard Beard. He tools around in his sweet robe and hat. Then he powers up and goes Mama said it be crazy time on the army of Gollums.

Sucks: The cliffhanger. Argh! If only there was some way I could find out what happens next.

RevolutionSF reviewed all the Potter books and all the movies. We sort of rule in that way.

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