"Do I owe you money?" -- Gambit

Wolverine is not in most movies, so it was with interest and relief that I found him in this one.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine is the slap-assed title of a movie that should just be called Wolverine. It uses Wolverine to try to make me see movies with other X-Men guys, but it only made me want to see more Wolverine.

Comic book Wolverine has been Marvel's pride and joy for decades. They let every writer use him, and all of them use him the same way. He can be badly written in any storyline. Now, the movie Wolverine is like that.

The sheer bulk of characters takes away from Wolverine's screen time, and that is not cool. Gambit is a beloved comics guy, and he is way more fun here than he ever is in comics. But I totally don't get Deadpool. He's in the movie about as long as he's in the movie trailer.

There are nerdily neat things throughout the movie, and that is why I watch superhero movies. The nerdily neatest is the surprise appearance of a previous X-movie cast member. But then, I could only stare in terror at his horrifying special effects job.

There is swearing. It's weird to hear cuss words come out of comic book superheroes. It's just the way people talk who fight with sticks in bars.

Everyone poses, then attacks, and they bust out smarty-pants comments while doing so. But I'm not going to whine about it, because oooh! There's the Blob!

The story is like Heroes. It dwells on angst and the effects often look cheap. But Heroes apes 1990s X-Men comics, so it's only fair.

The silly-assedness of the story is just like Wolverine's complicated and poorly edited comic book history. So, they totally nailed it.

This is a Chuck Norris movie. Chuck Norris movies are not what you'd call great. But Chuck Norris is great in them. This movie is like that, but with super-special effects. It strings together parts with Wolverine trying to be awesome.

Then when I left the movie, I couldn't even get a minute to revel in Wolverine-iness, because the first thing I saw was Deadpool on a 10-foot tall movie poster hugging Sandra Bullock.

Hugh Jackman is excellent. I don't want him to do anything but play Wolverine. I understand this severely curtails his career prospects, but that is not my problem.