The secret to success is frequent bathing. But if that doesn't work for us, soon we will have the help of Star Trek fragrances.

The stuff comes this spring from GenkiWear, but the only thing I can find about them on the Web is their site, which has only one product that hasn't come out yet. It's Anya's necklace from Buffy, which is made creepier on the site in a picture where it lays on a flat square of human flesh.

The possibilities of what we'll smell like are Tiberius, Red Shirt, and Pon Farr. The story says "Pon Far" is Klingon, which is both spelled incorrectly and the wrong race. Smooth move, cutters and pasters. What do they take us for, mugatu?

I'm going with Red Shirt, since the smell of an anonymous crewman near death will need to be robust and manly.

I'm all about the fragrances for the nerdly, such as such as Hulk, X-Men, or my personal scent Goofy.

But like so many things in life, it is best to smell it first.