Sci-Fi Slapass Remake Newsblast holds up news of remakes, reimaginings, and other lame pseudo-ideas to the light of nerdy reason.

Tomb Raider Movie Remake Will Take Out Only Good Part

The two Tomb Raider movies with Angelina Jolie made over $500 million, even though no one will admit they saw them. Now they're doing doing a new one. They announced right away that Angelina Jolie will not be in them. Getting the new Lara Croft is going to be tough casting, because it is so hard to find pretty women in Hollywood.

My favorite part is that it's an "open-writing assignment" and they will "revamp the character." In other words, feel free to write whatever you want and they'll say it's Tomb Raider. I think she should be an elderly junk dealer who lives with her lazy son Lamont.

ABC Not Kidding About Screwing Up V

ABC, the cancellors of Pushing Daisies ordered the pilot for a new V. This time it's about a Homeland Security agent. How is that like V? Another show ABC cancelled, Invasion, was more like V than that. (But if it had succeeded, the guy who plays Sock would not be on Reaper. So I guess I can let that go. For now.)

They said they were committing this heinous act back in October. This does not make me happy unless lizard queen Jane Badler is in it. Is Jane Badler in it? I know she could be 80 years old now, and I do not care. Someone must wear a red leather suit. Preferably Jane Badler.

Green Hornet Movie May Or May Not Go Kablooey

Seth Rogen says the Green Hornet movie, about a newspaper owner who is secretly a superhero, is still in the works, despite drama such as the guy who plays sidekick Kato refusing to also direct the movie.

RevSF's Mark Finn says, "Oh Frabjous Day! Callou Callay! No more camp superhero treatments! Whoo Hoo! Yippee Skippy! Thankyouthankyouthank youthankyou!"

Young Mark. So full of hope.

Now Adam Sandler will have a cameo as a "certain superhero." Mark Finn: "Dammit!"

Jayme Blaschke: "If you hold out long enough, the odds of them casting Pauly Shore as well go up exponentially."

Seth Rogen, who has terrible facial hair yet insists on wearing a beard, got in shape to play the Hornet. That kind of anguish must not go unrewarded. He got healthy! The poor bastard better make the movie now or all those sit-ups will be for naught. What other reason is there to get healthy, besides playing a superhero?