As I write this, the Spirit theatrical movie's release is in a couple of days. So the nerd nation will finally get to sink their claws into the whole movie instead of just the trailer. But this isn't the first time they tried it.

Everyone went bitch-cakes when they saw the trailer, because Will Eisner's original comic is held in such high regard.

Future Pixar person Brad Bird tried in 1981; that story is in the LA Times' Hero Complex.

Die Hard director Steven De Souza finished the only other thing: a live action TV-movie on on ABC, one time in 1987. It never reappeared anywhere except tape tables at sci-fi conventions; that's where I can neither confirm nor deny that I found it.

The not very good parts

The Spirit is a satire and an homage of the movies and detective stories of the 1940s. So, naturally, the 1987 movie is set in the modern day.

That being 1987. Stolen goods are "hotter than a Madonna concert." A bad guy wants some contraband unloaded because he's "got tickets to Rick James." Painful. Also, hilarious.

There are no YouTube clips. You can't even find it on eBay. Those are the only proofs of existence on the Internet. I'm surprised. Everything is on YouTube. But not this. Did the owners of this thing that only aired once 21 years ago lay the smack down and get it pulled? If so, what hope do clips of Out of this World and Beans Baxter have?

I wanted you to see the Spirit in a pink robe. I wanted you to see The Spirit burst out of a wedding cake. I wanted you to see Ellen Dolan and P'Gell in a hot tub together.

Camp. Sam J. Jones sets the bar high, and no one tops him. It's not very campy when Spirit isn't onscreen, and when he is, he's campier than anyone. As Ellen, Nana Visitor, the future Major Kira on Deep Space Nine matches camp with him, an ability that came in handy for her later.

The only set is the Spirit's mausoleum hideout. The rest of the movie is in broad daylight in what appears to be a mini-mall.

The name. Everyone calls The Spirit "Spirit." That's his name. But everyone uses it like it's "Steve." "Hey, Spirit, good to see you."

Crime noir. The Spirit must foil a museum art forgery.

That's the whole movie.

The other parts

Sam J. Jones. This is the other thing he did, after Flash Gordon. He's exactly as good here. He dominates every scene because he's physically huger than everyone, and his straight delivery is priceless. He's the ancestor of The Tick and The Middleman.

Spirit gets beat up. A hallmark of the comics is the guy wasn't a superhero. He took regular beatings then, and he gets numerous vases upside the head here.

Quote-O-Matic. There are quotes and catch phrases zinging about in the new movie. But this one is full of them, too.

P'Gell discusses The Spirit: "I swear that guy is a macho lunatic."

Hubie says Batman never made Robin do homework. Spirit replies, "That's why today Robin is a sad and lonely figure."

When Spirit rises from the grave, the first thing he sees is Hubie with stolen magazines. Gasping for air, he says, "You better have the receipt."

Ellen: "I thought you said you weren't a pervert."

The Spirit: "No ma'am. I'm a crimefighter."

Sam J. Jones and Nana Visitor. They were the first Spirit and Ellen. They are to Gabriel Macht and Sarah Paulson like David Hasselhoff is to Samuel L. Jackson in Iron Man. That's good trivia.