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Wolverine To Host Oscars ; Mutant Rights Breakthrough Hailed, Feared
Revolution News
© Joe Crowe
December 12, 2008

Wolverine from the X-Men will host the Academy Awards. The film award ceremony is usually hosted by human comedians. The ceremony is being hailed as a breakthrough for both mutants and superheroes.

The uncanny breakthrough for mutant rights was rebuked in Congress by Sen. Robert Kelly, who said, "If a mutant can host the Oscars, what next? Will mutants want to marry robots?"

The Oscars are known for non-human host choice by the Academy. Time-traveling alien bartender Whoopi Goldberg hosted four times.

Wolverine's arch-enemy, the animalistic, bloodthirsty Sabertooth, said, "Wolverine is perfect for his job, thanks to his bravura performance hosting the Tony Awards. And have you seen him sing and dance in "The Boy From Oz"? Just joyful."

Like mutants, Oscar hosts are hated and feared, especially Billy Crystal. Oscar producers told Variety that Wolverine "has style, elegance, a sense of occasion, and adamantium claws."

The Oscar award hosting job was long sought after by Cyclops, leader of the X-Men. The hosting job was guaranteed until Wolverine came along, and a simmering attraction between Wolverine and the awards show was undeniable. It could never be, the awards show protested, because the Oscars were in love with Cyclops.

The bond between the Oscars and Cyclops was tested when the Oscars transformed into Dark Oscars in 1980, and tragically awarded Best Picture to Chariots of Fire instead of Raiders of the Lost Ark.


Academy Awards correspondent Joe Crowe will walk the red carpet in a taffeta gown designed by Nick Fury.

 
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