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Top 6.66 Witches: Sabrina, Piper, Hermione
© Deanna Toxopeus and Joe Crowe
October 24, 2007

6.66. SABRINA SPELLMAN

Sabrina was the only woman not blinded by lust for Archie Andrews in Archie Comics for decades. But in the 1990s, she inflicted upon society the only reason she makes this list. The pain from her terrible sitcom Sabrina the Teenage Witch is used in some regimes as an instrument of torture. Evil. Very evil.

6. PIPER HALLIWELL

There were four Charmed sisters, if you include the dead Shannen Doherty they never mentioned again like Chuck on Happy Days. The women watched it for the girl power. Boys? Alyssa Milano had something to do with that.

They each had powers, which they combined like a Gobot to battle the powers of evil.

Piper is our favorite, because of all the smarty-pants sisters, her pants were the most intelligent. She married an angel and had angel babies, but broke up with the angel because he was a workaholic. Since even an angel can screw up, that makes all other likers of women look better. Thanks, Charmed!

5. JADIS, THE WHITE WITCH

No matter what version of The Lion, the Witch and The Wardrobe you have read or seen, this woman is scary. She lures you in with Turkish Delight, and then turns you to stone.

And she keeps Santa's older brother Father Christmas out of Narnia. Not cool.

4. ALEXANDRA MEDFORD

The Witches of Eastwick involved three women and their encounters with the devil, played by Jack Nicholson as himself.

But it's Alexandra, played by Cher, who says "You're not even interesting enough to make me sick."

We still have problems eating cherries with pits, thanks to these ladies. And now they're on TV.

3. HERMIONE GRANGER

So tell us why again those books weren't about Hermione? She was smart, capable, and always there to prop up gloomy Harry. She was way more helpful than Ron. Choosing him as her life partner gives hope to many a geek.

2. SAMANTHA STEVENS

Don't let her nice exterior fool you. This woman brought witchcraft to your living room long before the Charmed girls or Wiccan Willow.

With her twitching nose, she made manipulation of unholy forces seem safe and cute. Don't believe it. This woman is bad ass. She used her eldritch energies to conjure up a new husband when the old one wore out, and gave birth to the arcane human / witch cross-breed Tabitha.

1. WILLOW ROSENBERG

This favorite> is fun to watch, whether she's good, evil or an alternate-Earth vampire. She made neo-paganism a popular trend among teenage girls.

Now she's undercover as a non-magical school teacher on How I Met Your Mother..

But we know if her dopey husband or Doogie Howser get out of line, their skin's coming right off.


It's a veritable boo-nanza of RevolutionSF Top 6.66 lists! That's right. Boo-nanza.

 
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