As time once again draws nigh for that four-day weekend of debauchery and geekiness in Atlanta known as Dragon*Con, it's time to look back at the great, and not so great moments of Dragon*Cons in the past.
1520: First DragonCon is held as Hernando DeSoto and his conquistadores cross the Chattahoochee and pause to wipe out a native village, steal all the gold they can find, and play some D&D.
1632: Admission price increases to two ears of corn. Or, as the Native Americans called it, maize.
1833: First scandal rocks Dragon*Con as a young female attendee is spotted wearing only a hoop skirt, whalebone corset, full Victorian lace blouse . . . and body paint.
1861-65: Dragon*Con is not held as the Civil War rages. Stormtroopers fight for the Union; Klingons fight for the Confederacy. Or the other way around; I forget.
1872: Future Deadwood boss Al Swearingen's tenure as Dragon*Con chairman ends in controversy after he is caught overcharging for liquor, faroe, and ***** at the Hyatt lobby bar.
1876: General George Armstrong Custer stops by Dragon*Con on the way to the Little Bighorn and is jumped by 10,000 screaming Sioux warriors who are all dressed as Harry Potter.
1917: American "doughboy" soldiers heading for World War I are given free passes to Dragon*Con, resulting in the subsequent introduction of the "con funk" to the battlefields of France.
1925: Margaret Mitchell's publishers excise a chapter from her Gone With the Wind manuscript in which Rhett parties at the Hyatt and dumps Scarlett for a chick dressed as Slave Girl Leia.
1931: Modern bar soap is invented, resulting in attendees not using it, rather than not using plain lye.
1938: Working independently, Albert Einstein and Enrico Fermi develop technology leading to the invention of the "long box."
1944: Rationing efforts during World War II result in only half-size Chik-fil-a sandwiches being sold at the food court. Rioting ensues.
1968: Vietnam War protesters rock the convention; Atlanta mayor misspeaks and praises the con staff for "preserving disorder" after they night-stick the draft-card-burning hippies.
1992: Vice President Dan Quayle stops by Dragon*Con during a Bush-Quayle re-election tour; spells Boba Fett "B-O-B-A F-E-T-T-E."
1998: Bill Clinton notoriously asserts, "I did not have sex with that Wookiee."