6. Grendael, son of Lothorian the Wise, brother of Nibial
the Flatulent, third Groomsmen on the left at the Silverberg-Sherwood
wedding stared silently at his cousin and now enemy Legolas,
son of Legomore the Far-Sighted, adopted nephew of Googloin
the All-Knowing... (thezodiac)
5. It seemed that the rose wine and amber ale had flowed a
little too freely when the Ambassador from Santa's workshop
made the ill-fated comment. "Haha, who would want to eat
a cookie that's shaped like a cute, fat little elf?" Well,
judging by the fun, delicious holocaust that followed, it seems
that this particular tribe of tree-dwelling elves took a rather
zealous pride in the edible images of their leader Ernesto,
Master of the Mystic Ovens and holder of the sacred Kei'Bahlar.
4. The lead ranger recoiled in horror as he crested the hill,
gazing down at ther flaxen-haired corpse that lay sprawled across
the hillock atop the road, one ear peeking through the silky
hair oddly stained. RFecovering his composure, the ranger knelt
to examine the dead Light Elf more carefully, not touching the
body until he had observed all the proper Elven honor rites.
This done, he rolled the Light Elf over, saw a pile of crumbs
strewn upon ther hard, cold earth. "E.L. Fudge Double Stuffed,"
the ranger murmured. "When will this damn war ever end?"
3. 140-something years ago, war broke out between the wood
elves and the drow. The wood elves won, but you'd never know
it, because the wood elves payed most of the taxes, which mostly
benefitted the drow, meanwhile the uptight, ignorant drow always
voted for the worst possible political candidates, because they
were easy to distract from real issues, by simply reminding
them of same-sex elf marriage, and the possibility of dwarf
attacks. The drow used to be proud and gentlemanly, now they
just put up the Drow flag on their trailers, and blast LiNeeer
Skynyrd, or sit and laugh retardedly at Lar the Cable Drow.
2. It was...over...and yet the future was no more certain.
Tinsel looked around at the devastation - the shattered ice
caps were littered with artillery shells, tattered but brightly
colored caps, and short gangrenous limbs. She looked back into
his cold, unyielding eyes. "Where shall I go? What shall
I do?" she pleaded. "Frankly my dear," retorted
Shiny Shoes, "I don't give a reindeer's ass."
1. They thought it would be easy; they had immortality and
preternatural intelligence, we had cookies and wooden hobby-horses.
But they forgot about the Black Ops, about the war on Christmas
and one bad, bad bunny. Today the forests will run red, or whatever
color those fruitcakes bleed. (sbenkin)