6. Grendael, son of Lothorian the Wise, brother of Nibial the Flatulent, third Groomsmen on the left at the Silverberg-Sherwood wedding stared silently at his cousin and now enemy Legolas, son of Legomore the Far-Sighted, adopted nephew of Googloin the All-Knowing... (thezodiac)

5. It seemed that the rose wine and amber ale had flowed a little too freely when the Ambassador from Santa's workshop made the ill-fated comment. "Haha, who would want to eat a cookie that's shaped like a cute, fat little elf?" Well, judging by the fun, delicious holocaust that followed, it seems that this particular tribe of tree-dwelling elves took a rather zealous pride in the edible images of their leader Ernesto, Master of the Mystic Ovens and holder of the sacred Kei'Bahlar. (mattara)

4. The lead ranger recoiled in horror as he crested the hill, gazing down at ther flaxen-haired corpse that lay sprawled across the hillock atop the road, one ear peeking through the silky hair oddly stained. RFecovering his composure, the ranger knelt to examine the dead Light Elf more carefully, not touching the body until he had observed all the proper Elven honor rites. This done, he rolled the Light Elf over, saw a pile of crumbs strewn upon ther hard, cold earth. "E.L. Fudge Double Stuffed," the ranger murmured. "When will this damn war ever end?" (truthseeker)

3. 140-something years ago, war broke out between the wood elves and the drow. The wood elves won, but you'd never know it, because the wood elves payed most of the taxes, which mostly benefitted the drow, meanwhile the uptight, ignorant drow always voted for the worst possible political candidates, because they were easy to distract from real issues, by simply reminding them of same-sex elf marriage, and the possibility of dwarf attacks. The drow used to be proud and gentlemanly, now they just put up the Drow flag on their trailers, and blast LiNeeer Skynyrd, or sit and laugh retardedly at Lar the Cable Drow. (randypanthegoatboy)

2. It was...over...and yet the future was no more certain. Tinsel looked around at the devastation - the shattered ice caps were littered with artillery shells, tattered but brightly colored caps, and short gangrenous limbs. She looked back into his cold, unyielding eyes. "Where shall I go? What shall I do?" she pleaded. "Frankly my dear," retorted Shiny Shoes, "I don't give a reindeer's ass."

1. They thought it would be easy; they had immortality and preternatural intelligence, we had cookies and wooden hobby-horses. But they forgot about the Black Ops, about the war on Christmas and one bad, bad bunny. Today the forests will run red, or whatever color those fruitcakes bleed. (sbenkin)