We always wanted it, but when they said we were going to get it,
we didn't know what to do. That an X-Men movie would be awesome
was a given among fans for nearly 30 years before the so-called
"computers" came about such that one might be possible.
Everyone, geek and non-geek alike, believed that so many super
powers could not be contained at one time on a movie screen.
Then along came the producers of X-Men to say, "But
ours will have Wolverine."
And the movie ushered in an era, shockingly, of even more
superhero movies. Some of them rocked, and some of them sucked.
But a superhero movie is better than a movie with no superheroes
any day of the week. Seriously, wouldn't Steel Magnolias
have been better with the Hulk in it?
"Cranky Southern women stop dying or HULK SMASH!!!"
And then there was a second X-movie, and it begat a third.
And all of them contained things that were like Spider-Man,
and other things that were like Elektra.
So now let us reflect on the uncanny parts and the astonishing
parts of the three X-Men movies. While they often made our stomachs
churn like toads getting struck by lightning, they also allowed
us to soar like angels, struggling against our leather straps
as our daddies held us down to inject us with anti-mutant juice.
(Note that some of our comments will contain spoilerizing of things
in the movies. If you have not seen them yet, then you must do
Your panel of self-satisfied semi-experts:
- Jason “Unus the Untouchable” Myers
- Shane “Dazzler” Ivey
- Gary “Cannonball” Mitchel
- Joe “Blob” Crowe
- Rick “Anyone But Klaw” Klaw
And now, IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME! Wait, I mean — X-MEN X-CORIATE!