: RevolutionSF - The X-Men Movies Suck/Rock : Feature

We always wanted it, but when they said we were going to get it, we didn't know what to do. That an X-Men movie would be awesome was a given among fans for nearly 30 years before the so-called "computers" came about such that one might be possible.

Everyone, geek and non-geek alike, believed that so many super powers could not be contained at one time on a movie screen. Then along came the producers of X-Men to say, "But ours will have Wolverine."

And the movie ushered in an era, shockingly, of even more superhero movies. Some of them rocked, and some of them sucked. But a superhero movie is better than a movie with no superheroes any day of the week. Seriously, wouldn't Steel Magnolias have been better with the Hulk in it?

"Cranky Southern women stop dying or HULK SMASH!!!"

And then there was a second X-movie, and it begat a third. And all of them contained things that were like Spider-Man, and other things that were like Elektra.

So now let us reflect on the uncanny parts and the astonishing parts of the three X-Men movies. While they often made our stomachs churn like toads getting struck by lightning, they also allowed us to soar like angels, struggling against our leather straps as our daddies held us down to inject us with anti-mutant juice.

(Note that some of our comments will contain spoilerizing of things in the movies. If you have not seen them yet, then you must do so. Now.)

Your panel of self-satisfied semi-experts:

Jason “Unus the Untouchable” Myers
Shane “Dazzler” Ivey
Gary “Cannonball” Mitchel
Joe “Blob” Crowe
Rick “Anyone But Klaw” Klaw

And now, IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME! Wait, I mean — X-MEN X-CORIATE!

Comments

the rogue, one of my favorites sucked cry baby? what? wolverine with feelings loser! cyclops always the douche.(period) costumes yes i absolutely expected yellow tights better then everyone wearing the same outfits the diversity of color is what made the comics great abandoning the foundations of the original idea sellout #1, plot come on a bunch of little kids crying & running for their lives your superheros the only thing that should have been made into a movie is Earth X (Period)!!!! the only half descent film was the first iron man still way of the mark if your gonna make a new x men universe don't just warp old ideas into one crap-shoot of van wylders & conflicting sellout actors. UNKNOWNS would have been better too.
-- i love comics movies let down, 11:34 AM, March 26, 2011