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Subspace: Revenge of the Slapnuts
Hosted by Joe Crowe, March 27, 2006

There are only a few thousand letters this time, so let’s start off with a bang (so to speak). How about you check out Mosquito, a parody of Firefly.

Subject: Your Otomo "Steamboy" review

Excellent and very accurate.

I'm surprised that you didn't mention the dreadful American soundtrack (by Steve Jablonsky, aka Hollywood Hack) clearly "inspired" by the Dreamworks logo, and a desperate urge to work as a whore in the Disney Machine. Considering this is the work of the man behind Akira, and Memories, it's more than disappointing.

In fact this movie is a sell-out from beginning to end, and the DVD -- with it's desperate and pathetic hints at a sequel -- only makes it more apparent. It feels more like Hollywood than Japan, but as Disney and the other Studio Scum discover Anime (and figure out a million ways they could "make it better"), this kind of degredation may soon be the norm. Maybe Ottomo secretly yearns for a job directing Toy Story 9?

Steamboy is an abomination, like a leper expelled Art's Mexican Prison. If any of those Ottomo fans give you any lip, feel free to send 'em my way. (Owen)

Jayme Blaschke says:

Huh. I'd didn't think it was bad--just WAAAAAY too long and self indulgent. Didn't strike me as particularly "Hollywood" at all. More like second-rate Miyazaki, with all the European influences...

Kevin Pezzano says:

I just want to know who this Art guy is, and why he's running a Mexican prison.

Because he can?

Subject: Aquamarine, that mermaid flick

1) School of Rock was PG-13, not PG, as that guy in that review insinuated. (A couple of drug references put it in the latter category.)

2) The sun isn't the hottest thing in the "Milky Way." In fact, I don't even know what that means. If he meant "Milky Way galaxy," he's still wrong. I think the word he was searching for was "solar system."

Oh, like I wouldn't nitpick that. (rtjhnsn)

Look, we’re science FICTION fans. Not science. There’s a difference.

Subject: Charmed cancelled?

I figured this would be the last season, but I never thought they would cancel it. Do you know if they will finish the current story arc, or are they pulling the plug prematurely? I hope they finish it, if for no other reason than to keep a glut of really bad, alternate ending fanfic from slowing down the Internet.

Besides, it was finally getting a tad interesting again, and I'd like to know what happens. Does Piper get Leo back? Will Henry enjoy playing Darrin to Paige's Tabitha? Will Christy and her sister destroy everything? Will they put on bikinis and jump into a kiddie pool full of puddin? (jamespalmer)

Sorry, I know you had a question but that last thing you wrote distracted me terribly.

Subject: Charmed

If that last letter-writer was hating on Kaley Cuoco's hatefully stupid character in a hatefully stupid show, the only good things to have come out of it in eight years is some delicious gossip about Shannen Doherty, Piper, and Julian McMahon's role in Nip/Tuck, then I second the motion. Hateful executive producer Brad Kern hatefully fired dimwitted yet loyal actor Brian Krause in order to bring us hateful Kaley Cuoco for the entire hateful stupid cancelled season. He FROZE LEO. He HAN SOLO'D him. Leo is ENCASED IN CARBONITE. He's a DOLTSICLE. All so the hatefully stupid character Billie the Teenage Witch can prance hatefully across my screen. Yeah, I hope they bring back Prue ... so she can kill everybody involved in this show. (Except for Holly Marie Combs, she has pretty hair.) (rtjhnsn)

I don’t think it’s that difficult to incite Shannen Doherty to kill.

Here are some comments from the RevolutionSF staff about dislikers of the King Kong movie:

Jayme Blaschke says:

I still think the film would've benefited from a good trimming of 30 minutes from the first hour or so. What the hell was it with that "Heart of Darkness" stuff? All that setup, and no payoff. I like metaphor as much as the next guy, but come on.

Mark Finn says:

This screed about Kong cracked me up. What he really seemed to want was a post-modern reconstruction of Kong--and what that would have been might have been interesting, but ultimately not the movie that Peter Jackson wanted to make (nor necessarily something I would have wanted to watch: see Roland Emmerich's Godzilla).

This high-handed talk is a smoke-screen for "I didn't get it." Jackson never claimed to be making high art. He's always been an entertaining director, albeit more edgy than some. Jackson tried to duplicate the experience of movie-as-inspirational-event for modern audiences. He wanted to wow 'em like the original did. I think he succeeded admirably. But then again, I got the movie right out of the gate.

That's enough about Kong for now. Quick, somebody correct us on something!

Subject: The Ring 2

First of all, the name of the original Japanese director of the 'Ring' movies is Hideo Nakata, *not* 'Bajata'. Must be a typo. Second, it's an open secret that writer Scott Frank (Out of Sight, Minority Report) did a LOT of script-doctoring on the first American 'Ring' remake. His lack of participation in the sequel is glaring to say the least.

Didn’t see it. Loved it, though.

Subject: Comics of 1986

I really enjoyed Jay Willson's take on Superman and the Byrne reboot. It really emphasizes DC's short term fix and desperation to fix a character that was certainly broken and their willingness to give John Byrne carte blanche for their flagship character. It's refreshing to read a discussion of comics history that has a knowledgeable insight. Keep this guy writing. (forgus)

Knowledgeable insight is a new thing we’ve started. If you see it at some other site, they owe us money.

Subject: V for Vendetta

An excellent review. Although I don't see this movie as an allegory. Actually, it seems like a possible/ probable outcome of the current state of affairs, because what happens in 'V for V' is based on what happens in the real world, not some galaxy far away. So this is possible near future and not an allegory of presence.

I just think it's neat that Natalie Portman went from wearing big freaky head-dresses to getting shaved bald.

HALFTIME!

Check out this SFSite interview, where our first RevolutionSF Fiction editor interviews our second RevolutionSF Fiction editor.

Here are some delightful screen caps of Cthulego.

And finally, what better to do before you get back to not working than check out two dudes fighting with lightsabers!

Subject: My brainnnn

First and foremost, I have been a fan of y'all since way back in the Zealot.com days. Saying that, what the filk did we do to deserve that last Subspace section with the Slapnuts/Geniuses? (oh and thanks for putting that "Real Men of Genius" beer jingle in my head while reading that crap.) It was bad, but I'm an old school Sci Fi B movie fan. I survived Amazon Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death. I worship Killer Clowns from Outer Space (Best.Themesong. Ever.) I withstood the rigors of that filth up until the Charmed rant.

All I can say is Oh. My. Cthulu. Not only are they ranting on a "forth" rate show, but it was 3 continuous paragraphs of a single run on sentence. I think my brain slipped out of my ear in the middle of it, screaming like a little girl as it slithered into the closet. The humanity, oh, the humanity.

My apologies. I think it serves a purpose. Some of you out there may think that you cannot form effective sentences, or use grammar correctly, or form your thoughts coherently in writing. Then you'll see that guy and go "Compared to him I'm a genius."

Subject: New Avengers Team

The Team is great, with all the top heroes of Marvel and then some, but it's missing characters such as the Hulk and Daredevil. Will they eventually join the team? That would be really tight! (newleagueofavengers)

You mean have Daredevil be on the same team as the guy who beat the unholy living piss out of him in Frank Miller's first Daredevil issue? Let's take a look at a screenshot of that, from Daredevil number 163.

I bet those two still get along great. "Hey, Hulkster, how are those giant green fists? Still hurting from the beating that my face gave them?"

Subject: Legend of the Rangers

I would describe "Legend of the Rangers" as the "Galactica 1980" of Babylon 5. Or the Scrappy Doo, if that analogy works better for ya. The only thing it had going for it is an appearance by the late Andreas Katsulas as G'Kar, which might, in fact, make purchasing the DVD worthwhile. Unless, of course, you can download that from AOL, for free, too... (Gee, that'll do wonders for the DVD sales!) (vplexico)

Harsh! That's a bitter aftertaste to be stuck with, since that was the last of the B5, just like Galactica 1980 was the last of original Galactica. But hey, maybe in about 20 years someone will do a revamp of Babylon 5. They could do a Starbuck on Sheridan and have him played by Cindy Crawford Jr. Or Britney Spears' grandchild, whoever's hottest.

Subject: Star Trek JAG

Now that JAG and Star Trek are both off TV, Donald Bellisario and Rick Berman should team up to give us Star Fleet JAG. After all, there is a vast untapped well of ideas to explore, such as is it legal to replicate your own liver and eat it with Fava beans and a nice Romulan ale... (thinkways)

In the 23rd century no one eats liver. They eat the whole clone. They're you, and they're good for you.

Subject: On The Stupidity of the Letters

Jason, I hate to tell you this, but I don't think that people write deliberately stupid letters to get your goat: speaking from long experience with skiffy fans, what you're seeing is the leveling influence of the Interweb. Before the Internet, many of these nutjobs would have to reconcile themselves with cornering people at conventions and boring their victims to death with their barely coherent screeds, but now they get to spread the pain across time zones. Now, with the power of the Web, your overly pedantic Cat Piss Man or Patchouli Woman can fling whatever thought happens to cross his/her tiny little brain across the electronic ether, and with a better chance of a response than what they'd have received by writing to a magazine or comic letters column.

A little bit of advice: if it's that bad, just don't run the really stupid and/or pedantic letters. If it's not, at least consider putting those letters in a special place where they won't cause pain except to those who deserve it. Putting them on a forum for anime conventions, for instance, is ideal. (sclerotic_rings)

My goat is gotten. You should see the ones I DON'T run.

Subject: F*** the Academy

The Oscar night "Dead Reel" snubbed us again. When DeForest Kelley died, no appearance that year. And James Doohan this year? Nada. Yuck foo, you elitist b@$t@rd$. (lightningbolt)

Watch the damned! They’re gonna break the chains.

Whoopsie! I thought I was answering every letter with an 80s song lyric. Maybe next time.

Subject: Tamara

Todd, you *did not* go back and re-view the cleavage shots in this movie. Um, I'm pretty sure that your g-friend's gone home now. Feel free to indulge. I have to know if there's a *real* reason for me to invest in this. (truthseeker)

Buying a video for cleavage shots would be like going to Hooters to look at the fried chicken. It's just not going to satisfy.

Subject: Invader Zim

OK, so I guess I'm exposing myself to all sorts of scrutiny and getting published as a slapnut, but I am just writing to ask whether you're trying to throw this guy off, or if you just didn't know that the G is actually for garbage?

At any rate, please understand that "I aren't no Zim-luvR", but I have been known to watch the show and not vomit. *hangs head in shame* GIR is pretty cute, you know. And finally, if anyone cares for my opinion anymore now that I'm a confessed closet Zim-enjoyer, I would like to opine that the two best quotes on that show were GIR's shout of "I was the turkey the whooooole time!" and the oh so sad "I miss you, cupcake" (along with its accompanying plot line of replacing his brain with a cupcake and consequently getting lost). (tigrrbaby)

It is OK to admit your Zim fandom. In fact, this is the most coherent letter about Zim that we have ever received. It’s actually a funny show. That’s never been our issue.

But fans, you should take a 30-minute cool-down before you write us letters about it. Kind of like when you stretch after a workout, so that nothing explodes.

RevolutionSF editor Joe Crowe can prance hatefully across my screen.

 
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