The year was 1994. The theme song was horrifying. Marvel Comics' Fantastic Four got its third cartoon series. Probably few saw it -- it was syndicated and on UPN (which is a network, not a command.) It ran two seasons. Now, however, the entire series is on DVD. So everyone, everywhere, can see, and own it forever.

Few entire runs of superhero series, animated or otherwise, are on DVD. So the existence of this is a good thing. It came out just in time to cash in on the Fantastic Four movie. Bottom line is, if it gets people interested in the Fantastic Four comics, I'm all for it. There are four decades of those, and only this and the non-bootleg movie on DVD. If indeed there are new FF fans, this is what they'll want to buy. My hope is this doesn't make them run screaming.

Marvel's track record with cartoons was pretty good at the time this came out in 1994. Their Spider-Man and X-Men cartoons were all over the place. This one, just as FF did in the comics, represented the white bread of the Marvel Universe. Where X-Men tried to explore prejudice, and Spider-Man tried to explore angst, the FF cartoon didn't bother much with whatever themes were in the FF comic. That's fine. Because in its place, they put very close adaptations of the original Marvel Comics stories from which the FF sprang.

So don't look for Ben Grimm to mope too overmuch about being a monster. Johnny Storm pines away in a couple of episodes for his girlfriend Crystal, but he gets over that, too. In the meantime, they fight all their neato Marvel enemies like Doc Doom, Galactus, the Frightful Four, the Skrulls, and they meet the Inhumans, Sub-Mariner, and Black Panther. Like I said, I hope this works on new fans, because it really is a crash course in the Marvel Universe handbook.

Only a few years after their invention in 1961, they had a cartoon. It was mostly an even-worsely-animated Jonny Quest.

(Quick sidebar: The second FF cartoon was in the 1970s. It's not airing anywhere, nor is it on DVD. It replaced the Human Torch with the smarty-pantsed robot HERBIE. My over-wrought criticism of that should merit an article to itself. Back to your originally scheduled review.)

The 1960s series had theme music but no song lyrics. This was different than every other Marvel cartoon at the time. Of course there was the Spider-Man theme, still well known today ("He catches thieves, just like flies," etc.) All the other 1960s Marvel cartoons had theme songs, including Captain America, the Sub-Mariner, Iron Man ("He's a cool exec, with a heart of steel"), and Thor. The Cartoon Network spinoff channel Boomerang still shows these. But you get no theme song.

But they made up for it in this series. Yes, sir, they did. You have to listen to it. Because after once, it'll be in your brain for days. Because I like to inflict damage, here are the lyrics. This is from memory. My poor, poor memory.

(Think bouncy 80s TV commercial, like for bathroom cleaner)

On an outer space adventure!

They got hit by cosmic rays!

And the four were changed forever!

In some most peculiar ways!

No need to fear, they're here!

Just call the four!

(Take it to the bridge!)

Reed Richards is elastic!

Sue can fade from sight!

Johnny is the Human Torch!

The Thing just loves to fight!

Just call the Four!

Fantastic Four!

Don't need no more!

That's ungrammatical!

Reed Richards is elastic!

Sue can fade from sight!

Johnny is the Human Torch!

The Thing just loves to fight!

That "Don't need no more! That's ungrammatical!" is actually spoken by the singer of the song, as if it's a comment on the double negative "don't need no more." I think I've spent more time writing about it than the writers spent writing it, so I'll let it go, as it drills into my frontal lobes once more.

It's fun to try to spot the celebrity voices. Brad Garrett from Everybody Loves Raymond is Hydro-Man. For the entire first season, Brian Austin Green from Beverly Hills 90210 is the Human Torch. Supermodel Kathy Ireland is Crystal. Richard Grieco is Ghost Rider. Alan Oppenheimer, the voice of Skeletor on He-Man is the Watcher. John Vernon (Dean Wormer from Animal House is Dr. Doom. Michael Dorn and Mark Hamill show up as Inhumans, to represent the Star Trek and Star Wars community. Chuck McCann, of Far Out Space Nuts (not a porn flick), is the Thing.

By far the most memorable voice is John Rhys-Davies. In fact, his is the best performance of the entire series. This guy just gives and gives, every single atom of his being to everything he does. Prof. Arturo and Gimli is the Mighty Thor! The blond hammer-swinging bad mother of Marvel is voiced to perfection by Rhys-Davies. It is a joy to witness. Without an iota of irony, Davies reads Thor's lines, seemingly straight from the pages of flowery, overwrought, wonderful Marvel Comics. Here are a few lines: Try to imagine the booming bass rumble. Try not to imagine Rhys-Davies in a cape, holding a hammer.

"How does even a god battle a planet entire?"

"Threaten us not, villain! Thor has brought giants far larger than you to their knees!"

"By Odin's beard! You would trade one death for another!"

"Stand thee back, all, while mighty Mjolnir opens up a portal in the very depths of space!"

Whooooo! Whoop ass, Thor! That performance is the funnest, most entertaining thing about the entire series. I watched an episode of the modern-day Justice League Unlimited right after I watched some of these. The difference is jarring. FF just scoots along, with the cartoonily animated FF grinning throughout. Meanwhile on JLU, there's torture, explosions, long slugfests, and unhappy endings.

"Sue can fade from sight . . . " Ahem, sorry. It's still there.

They are two different things. FF doesn't do over-serious. The Marvel stories they adapt are good ones. The old-school comic fan in your family will dig seeing animated versions of them. But watch out for the intros by Stan Lee. His enthusiasm may hurt.

There are 20-plus episodes here, which will keep the family busy for awhile. It's harmless and vanilla. The animation and the music and such aren't top-notch at all, even by the standards of other Marvel cartoons like Spider-Man and X-Men. But this is a good buy for kids, who might enjoy seeing the guys from the movie in cartoon form. And opening them up to old Marvel Comics isn't a bad thing. Look at . . . well, maybe I'm not the best example.

Regardless, it's worth a rental to check out John Rhys-Davies.

"I knew not this creature till mine enchanted hammer Mjolnir detected its presence!"

Oh yeah. That's the stuff.