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Subspace: The Awful Truth
Hosted by Joe Crowe, May 24, 2005

Hello and thanks for coming! Today we offer up some swag and address the little matter of the last episode of Enterprise. But first:

Hi there! Have you been thinking about subscribing to ZURF, the RevolutionSF newsletter for Zealous Underlings of RevolutionSF? But then you said to yourself, I'll just check the net constantly, desperate to see if they've done anything. But with your free subscription to ZURF, the RevSF newsletter, you get an e-mail anytime we've done something. And sometimes, after we've done several somethings! And we occasionally feature newsletter-exclusive things that are not on the site, or offer prizes only to people who subscribe.

In fact, we'll do that now. We'll drop some swag on somebody, anybody, one of you — if you join the RevSF newsletter in the next few days.

And while you're clicking, you might be into this:


Subject: everything

Thank you for this site!  It gives a much needed outlet as I have taken a hiatus from gaming live. (patrick)

You're welcome. But don't let us stop you from gaming live. Unless someone was taking the combat resolution a little too far and whomping people upside the head.

Subject: Halo

i think this is cool story,but i think UNSC's soliders should not use guns, come on, the year of 2552, the people should use some other amazing weapons, but not guns. Right? (hawkweiweihao)

I think you're right, but weapon technology can only go so far. Whether it's bullets, lasers, or poodles, anything that shoots something out of something else is a gun. Wait. That didn't sound right.

Here's a two for one special. Come and get 'em! Special on freaky e-mails!

Subject: Chuckey

is chuck a real killer

As long as you believe in your heart that he is, then yes. Chucky is the realest killer of them all.

Subject: Someone that die

well like two manth of go someone that was close to me die his body was fond in the water in a river but we do not now what happen to him if he got kill but i drem him and he told me that someone wanted to kill him.

Was it Chucky?

Subject: Legends of the Superheroes

Man, that review brought me right back to my childhood . . . I remember a scene in the "roast" episode where Batman chastised Robin for letting the Batmobile get towed, and my 6 or 7 year-old mind thought that was the funniest joke ever. I spent years telling people that this show existed, only to have them roll their eyes in response. That, and the Saturday morning show about the guy who had movie monsters in his basement lab, helping him to fight crime. The Monster Squad, I think it was called. Try finding tapes of THAT.  (leissuit)

Challenge me not, sir.

Subject: Jhonen is smart

We should all love him

Challenge me not, sir.

Subject: Alternative viewpoint on Invasion Iowa

I for one still cling to the belief that this show was supposed to actually be a movie.  Most likely one written and directed by Shatner (we remember the previous movies he tried to direct right?), however when it went in for editing the studio realized that NO amount of special effects, nudity or editing would make something enjoyable, or at the least watchable out of it.  Then they noticed the film of the townspeople trying desperatly to make it seem like they cared about more then the tax revenue being generated.  Some genius somewhere screams "Reality TV show!" and like Pavlov's Dogs the studio execs come running.

Not that this detracts from the entertainment value of the show in the least. (see317)

Here's a test to see if you are likewise under the spell of Shatner. Have you listened to his CD "Has Been"? More than once? Do you own it? Then . . . oh, wait. That describes me.

Subject: that Hitchhiker's movie

The American society for the prevention of cruelty to British humor has reviewed this movie and found it "mostly harmless...".(thinkways)

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! GAARRGGH! Oh, wait. I read the books.

Subject: Trek vs. Wars

Ok, now I get it.  They can mess with Star Trek and no one here gets all that bothered, but jerk Star WARS around and it's a different story.  The awful truth dawns...(kcwise1)

Um . . . are you on the same site that we are? Maybe your content filter is stripping out all uses of the word "disappointment."

Subject: Ratings

Yours, I mean. I just took a hot sec to glance over it, and I wanted to ask- are you SURE you didn't cross up "Nemesis" and "Insurrection"? The latter made my eyes roll in disgust. The former made my eyes roll in nervous collapse. (truthseeker013)

I would suggest closing your eyes when watching either of them, but then you'd still be able to hear them. 

Subject: Who Mourns for Enterprise?

"Chief Kirk Apologist?" Fie! Fie, I say! The mighty James needs not your puny, pathetic apologies! Boldly go with phasers a'blazing, and any shameless tinfoil-bikini-clad alien supervixen who can't handle the Tiberious mojo can board the next shuttlecraft to San Francisco. The galaxy is too big to go through at less than warp 9. Now go back to your Jean Luc bridge officer group therapy meeting and eat crow, Crowe! (lightningbolt)

Obviously your rage is coming from the denial of your grief over the demise of Star Trek: Enterprise. Or your anger at sending those TrekUnited people money when they said they could get it renewed. Just let it out. Just let it all out.

Subject: Who Mourns for Enterprise?

Thank you for that review.  One more cloying, fawning page of "there must be a Star Trek even if it sucks" would have been too much to take.  Now Gene can stop rolling in his grave.  (Ok, I know-- no grave, but you know what I mean.) (kcwise1)

You're welcome! If there's anything I'm an expert on, it's how to stop corpses from rotating.

Subject: Who Mourns for Enterprise?

My friends and I aren't mourning the passing of Enterprise. We're mourning the fact that the two basta- LIFE FORMS who have the reins seem to be in posession of pornographic pics of Paramount execs involving furry animals, or some equivalent that allows them not only to linger, but to have more "trips to the well", as Herr Berman himself put it. (Is that rumor of another Trek prequel, as a movie, still active?) I know two or three people who are writers of some success in H'Wood, and it's always been a maxim of the industry, in their experience, that you're only as good as your last product. (Can anyone say Joe Eszterhas and "Showgirls"? Kevin Costner and "Waterworld"?) Unless there's been an earth-sea change in the industry. In that case, I want the OLD H'Wood back. (truthseeker013)

Oh sure, they've got a new Trek movie in the works from a writer of the series Band of Brothers. But please, don't rush him!

Here's one more about the final episode.

Subject: Enterprise's last episode

I watched the last episode and then I read your review. If anything, I think you were too easy on it. It was thunderously stupid.

Here are some of the main points I found appalling, some of which you already pointed out:

1. They killed off a main character, screwing him and the fans out of any possible appearance in a movie.

2. Not only did they kill off a main character, but he was killed off by an insignificant little group of thugs who show up for no reason, and kill this guy that the Klingon Empire nor any other group of formidable enemies has managed to kill throughout the series. If you're going to kill him (which there was no good reason to, as you indicated), then at least let him die fighting significant enemies. He sacrificed himself to save Archer, sure, but this guy was clever enough to avoid sacrificing himself. And then, they shove him in a coffin-like "hyperbaric chamber" before he's even dead, practically burying him alive, and he winks at Archer. And then he apparently dies, by himself, in a box, without even getting to hold anybody's hand. How cold and horrific!

3. There was NO EMOTIONAL REACTION from the crew to the engineer's death at all. It was even worse than Data's pathetic wine-glass-with-extended-pinkie wake in that execrable Nemesis movie. Battlestar Galactica managed to make you feel more moved by the death of a character that you'd never even seen, when they showed the funeral of Apollo's little brother. It brought tears to your eyes. There's been more emotional impact at every death in Galactica, even for minor characters, than for this major character on Enterprise. Astonishing.

3. They robbed the cast of the show of their final moment of glory by making freakin' Jonathan Frakes the star of the episode and the center of attention. He's already had his show. He's stealing the limelight, pure and simple. Why is he even there? Is it just a ratings ploy, because they didn't think anybody would watch the final episode of Enterprise for its own sake? As if they needed to reprise Next Gen? And you're right, playing the whole thing out as a holodeck recording robbed it of any drama.

4. And after all the buildup about the freakin' speech, they don't even let Archer deliver the speech. We don't even get to hear it. What a stupid let-down. That might have been the only fitting way to end the thing, by letting the audience feel the impact of this stirring historical speech he supposedly made, but we have to take their word for it that "boy, was it a good speech!" Troi memorized it in school.  BUT WE DON'T GET TO HEAR IT. Beginning journalism students are taught to show, don't tell, but the scriptwriters obviously missed this lesson.

What a terrible, ignoble ending for a series that could have been good. I kept thinking about how excited we all were when it began, and then they didn't follow through with all the things they promised. It got wrapped up in the same old politics, and it was Next Gen with pockets. And then they drive a stake in its heart with this terrible ending. No wonder the cast felt betrayed. They deserve to be bitter, and so do the fans. (sithbane)

And with that said:

Subject: Star Trek

To the person who worte the reviews of the last few enterpriase epsiodes, What is your problem!!! ITS JUST A TV SHOW!!!!!!!

I love Star Trek just as much as anyone and I recon I am a hardened fan, BUT its just a show. Why attack the writers producers etc.

There just trying to wrote a story, If you dont like it dont watch it but stop moaning your arse off!!

What a Loser, No wonder my wife thinks all Star Trek fans are losers. (bobd)

Whoo-hooooo! Give us hell!


Write up a response to this loving, caring dude, and send it in to subspace@revolutionsf.com. The best one will get a copy of the brand new, very fun CD from the Star Trek-themed rock band Warp 11, called Boldly Go Down On Me. I reviewed it here.

Make your reply funny, or whatever you want. But don't get yourself worked up, because I "recon" this guy isn't the type to engage in intellectual discourse. Just think about that CD, don't try to change his mind. He's got enough problems, like that Trek-hating wife that he has to live with.

No amount of special effects, nudity, or humor editor Joe Crowe would make something enjoyable.

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