Another season of scintillating, satisfying, soon-to-be cancelled sci-fi TV
is on its way, and sci-fi actors have found work again. The mind boggles
that there are not one, not two, not even three -- argh! My stitches! --
not four, holy mama my biscuits are burnin’, not even five –- but SIX
sci-fi shows debuting in fall of 2005.
Actors famed for their sci-fi business are in shows that have nothing sci-fi-ish going on in them. But the big news is that veterans of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Angel,” two shows that many of us were prone to enjoy, have apparently made a pact to dominate television. This multi-pronged attack will surely bring the networks to their knees. Except for UPN. That one’s a lost cause.
Here now, the list of Buffy-verse denizens and other familiar sci-fi faces on 2005-06 TV shows.
Most of these shows are not sci-fi related. But hey, work is work.
Shannen Doherty, the dead sister on “Charmed” and the ex-host of Sci Fi Channel’s “Scare Tactics” will start the countdown until she quits “Love, Inc.,” in which she runs a dating service.
“Sex, Lies, and Secrets” will star Denise Richardson. She was in “Starship Troopers.” Which was pretty terrible. But that’s no reason not to watch her show. Just kidding! Of course it is!
Rebecca Romijn, who no longer has the name “Stamos” to keep her star in the stratosphere, has plopped onto “Pepper Dennis.” She was Mystique in the “X-Men” movies, and made out with one of the “American Pie” dudes in “Rollerball.”
The WB’s new supernatural show is appropriately called “Supernatural.” It’s about two brothers who go on a road trip and weird stuff happens. It stars Jensen Ackles, Lana’s mama’s-boy boyfriend on “Smallville,” and Jared Padalecki, who ran like hell, I presume, in the new version of “House of Wax.” He was also Young MacGyver in the WB show “Young MacGyver.” Which never aired. Somebody get the bootleg tape table people on that, stat!
Martin Landau, aka Col. John Koenig from “Space: 1999,” returns to Earth six years later to appear in “The Evidence.” The title of which is presumably self-explanatory.
The Muad’dib himself, Kyle Maclachlan, is in a mid-season replacement called “In Justice.” It also stars Naomi from “La Femme Nikita,” Larissa Gomes.
The new ABC show “Invasion,” which is about an invasion, features Lisa Sheridan, who was Chloe on “Freakylinks.” That’s right. “Freakylinks” actors are working.
And then there’s “Night Stalker,” in which the Kolchak character is no longer a chubby, grizzled stumblebum Darren McGavin. Instead, he’s pasty, wraith-like Stuart Townsend, who managed in “Queen of the Damned” to make the vampire Lestat less sexy than Tom Cruise did. And that, my friends, takes a hell of a man.
CBS is the busiest sci-fi employer this year.
In "Close to Home" the first of our Buffyverse pals gets work -- Lindsay from "Angel." Here he plays a daddy. That is just sweet.
"Criminal Minds" stars former co-stars of Andre the Giant and DC Comics super-women: Mandy "Inigo Montoya" Patinkin and Shemar "Just cancel me already" Moore from "Birds of Prey."
"Everything I Know About Men" stars Lauren Tom, who's a very busy voice actress in "Batman Beyond," "Futurama," "Teen Titans," and a half-ton of others.
Christopher Gorham, formerly Jake 2.0, is in "Out of Practice." No Lee Majors in this one, unfortunately.
"How I Met Your Mother" is a sitcom where we're supposed to believe that Doogie Howser and Willow from "Buffy" are married.
"Threshold" is sci-fi, and it has Brannon "I can't believe I'm not burned out on Star Trek" Braga and Brent "If they do more movies, I get to play an idiot" Spiner.
And it has Carla "Hey! Where's my shirt?" Gugino from "Sin City." She was also in "Spin City" with Michael J. Fox, but that was slightly different.
"The Unit" only SOUNDS dirty. But it has Robert Patrick, who was John Damn Doggett, Ass Kicker of the Unnatural on "X-Files," and Amy Acker, Fredy / Illyria on "Angel."
Let's all be there! Oz from "Buffy," Seth Green is on the sitcom "Four Kings." Jason Lee from every Kevin Smith movie is on "My Name Is Earl."
And "Fathom" with the cute wet aliens is not about the large-breasted super-woman who could swim in the Top Cow comic book "Fathom."
But it is produced by Josh and Jonas Pate, the unheralded geniuses behind "G vs. E." ("This knife is dipped in the blood of the innocent. Don't worry, it's no one you know.")
Dread Fox! Dark Master of Sci-Fi Cancellation! What wrath shall you visit upon us this season?
Will you take "Head Cases," starring Joel Schumacher's be-nippled Robin, Chris O'Donnell?
Will you strike down "Prison Break" with Dominic Purcell from "John Doe" and Sarah Wayne Callies from the WB's "Hot Teen Tarzan"? Haven't they suffered enough?
Will you reave "Bones"? It stars David "Angel" Boreanaz. Here he gets to investigate dead bodies, instead of being one.
Or will you make the unkindest cut of all? Will you take from our bosom "Kitchen Confidential"? Will you squash the return of the quippiest, sarcastic-est punching bag to ever try to out-cool a vampire, Xander himself, Nicholas Brendon?