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Spider-Man 3 : Lowell Expectations
Revolution News
© Joe Crowe
March 23, 2005

Thomas Haden Church, who was nominated for supporting actor for "Sideways," will play the villain in "Spider-Man 3."

Finally, FINALLY respect for the guy who played Lowell on "Wings." Some say he vanished for about a decade after "Wings," but I say he was just biding his time until the technology caught up so he could play a Spidey villain.

The deadpan, of which he is the master, has served him well. And we knew him when, before the awards-show people came knocking.

Next in line for an Oscar: Bull from "Night Court".

True Church-goers know of his excellent, excellent quickly canceled post-"Wings" sitcom "Ned and Stacey," where he stole the show from Debra Messing, who now plays Grace on "The Two Funny Ones and Will and Grace."

Stacey gets huge in a sitcom, and Lowell gets zilch? Here, my friends, is the justice.

This isn't his first rodeo in the superhero business, either. Check out "The Specials." And enjoy.

They just didn't say WHICH villain. Everyone thinks Venom, but that's too 90s for me. Kingpin's already been shoplifted by "Daredevil."

Lizard and Man-Wolf, or their human variants, were already in the 2nd movie. Hobgoblin? He and Harry Osborn could suit up and we could have a Goblin fight. Sweet, sweet goblins.

Or he could be one of Spidey's enemies from the animal kingdom.

Like the Scorpion.

Or Rhino.

Or The Vulture.

Or Tarantula.

Or The Owl.

Or Vermin.

Or Puma.

Or The Eel.

Or The Ox.

Or The Man-Goat.

Wait, I just made that last one up. Or did I?

The only one this rules out is Black Cat. And you're welcome, for the mental image of Church in a body-hugging leather suit.

Give Crystal Bernard a part, and humor editor Joe Crowe will be happy.

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