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RevolutionSF Newsblast Archives : Jesus, Blair Witch, Bewitched
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© Joe Crowe

RevolutionSF Newsblast Archives looks into the distant, distant past. Join us now as we peer into the mists of time for sci-fi news items written in bygone eras. Let history be revealed, as we peer into the mists of that long forgotten age . . . July 19, 1999.

Jesus Arrives In 2000

On CBS! The life of Christ is the subject of a miniseries for May 2000. It stars Jeremy Sisto as Jesus, Jacqueline Bisset as Mary, Armin Mueller-Stahl as Joseph, and Debra Messing as Mary Magdalene.

And if the Savior decides to wait. . .

Earth Thanks British Scientists Sarcastically

A nuclear accelerator designed to replicate the Big Bang might cause a big bang of its own.

A research group in New York will fire up the accelerator to full power by the end of 1999. The director of the facility heeded warnings of physicists that the machine had the ability to create a new type of matter called "strangelets." The committee will examine the possibility that, they might transform whatever matter they touch to more strangelets.

Another possibility is the colliding particles in the device could form a miniature black hole.

The collisions that will be produced in the accelerator will generate tiny fireballs of superdense matter with temperatures of about a trillion degrees, conditions which have not existed since the Big Bang.

Well, that's great news. I hope we all have time to scream.

Blair Blur

The Blair Witch Project is a fictional movie about fictional teenagers playing fictional versions of themselves investigating a fictitious legend.

The buzz on this film is HUGE, which led to a $57,407 per screen in the 27 theaters it opened in. The movie cost $350,000 to make and has made $1.6 million already. It will be released in 700 or 800 theaters by July 30.

But the buzz on the fictitious movie and the fictitious legend may itself may be fictitious. Salon accused the creators of the film of creating their own reviews and posting them on websites, under the guise of anonymous tipsters.

Ain't It Cool News was targeted by the article as a well-known site whose stock in trade is insider tips. Knowles has admitted that fake tips are a possibility.

Some in the industry believe if Knowles gets invited to a screening, he will write a positive review, which then earns the movie the much-desired "positive Internet buzz."

Positive Internet buzz? Is that an oxymoron?

Que Es Mas Macho? Darren Es Numero Uno

A Spanish-language Bewitched is on its way from Mexico's TV Azteca and Columbia Tristar. Everything will be the same, except the series will be set in present day Mexico City and in Spanish.

And Endora, instead of trying to break up Darren and Samantha, will constantly try to remove Darren's sacred mask.

Gillian Is Thrillian

Gillian Anderson (Scully on X-Files if you've been under a mask in Mexico) will star in an adaptation of Edith Wharton's The House of Mirth. It's a coming-of-age drama about a 19th century socialite.

Attention Hollywood: Could you please make even more coming of age dramas? Did Edith Wharton understand the meaning of the word "mirth"? That book's not funny at all.

Mall Wonder

Kevin Smith's Mallrats was released today on DVD, the magical format that always includes lots of sweet extra features.

The jokes in this movie are all for comic book fans. The film is very funny, and the backlash to it was quite unwarranted. Something even drove Kevin Smith to apologize for this movie in the credits for Chasing Amy. The DVD contains over an hour of scenes that were left on the cutting room floor, 57 minutes of which, reportedly, are Ben Affleck talking off the cuff about the multi-faceted genius of his very good friend Matt Damon.

RevolutionSF news editor Joe Crowe hopes to someday earn positive Internet buzz.

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