So I'm sitting here same as I always do on Friday night, in the dark in
front of my computer, all alone, dripping wet and reeking of Arby's cheese sticks...
Oopsie! I thought this was my blog! Here are some letters you people sent
First up: Check out this link.
Albedo One, a science fiction, fantasy, and horror magazine published out
of Ireland, is hosting a short story contest. Go to www.albedo1.com
for the whys and wherefores. The winner gets 1,000 euros, and baby, that'll
buy me lots of bangers and mash.
And now a word from our former comics editor, Kenn "Dont' Call Me Puddin'"
Subject: Oh, help, I've just scared myself. And scarred 2.
So I took this Geek
test, thinking to prove that when I left RevolutionSF a few years back,
I was leaving Nerddom behind. And I scored 69.62525%. And this ain't golf,
What did you all do to me? Just because I read comics, watch too many movies,
and know way too much about computers does not make me a "Geek God."
Oh, but the fact that I played D&D a few years back, that might.
Shoot. Sorry to interrupt. Back to your usual shenanigans. I'll be over here,
watching the Easter Eggs on my LOTR discs. Again, (email@example.com)
Whoo! All that subliminal-style whispering in your ears while you slept
at your desk did the trick.
That's all we did to your ears while you were asleep. Promise.
/ Variety deal
This deal is the lowest, skankiest thing I have ever heard. Motherf!$##!@#$%'s!!!
What next? What?! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Me telling you it's a satire. Although, in defense of yourself and others,
we didn't label it as such anywhere except the title bar up on top of the browser.
Perhaps it is instead WE who are the motherf!$##!@#$%'s.
Well, while I agree with most of your movie sentiments, especially the WETA
Smaug, I gotta say that I actually have hopes for Blade III and A Sound of
Thunder. I saw the trailers (including the R rated trailer for Blade) at the
San Diego ComicCon. I was impressed. I don't know if that means I'm setting
myself up for disappointment or what, but they both seemed pretty good.
On Blade, they're bringing in the Nightstalkers (finally) and have already
started talk of a spin-off movie series (woohoo). As for ASOT, I don't know
if it was meeting Bradbury himself at the con or what, but I'll be in line
for tickets too.
December, ah, no more LOTR, except: the special edition dvd with 50 extra
minutes of footage including Saruman's cut scenes. WAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!! AND
YOU THOUGHT IT WAS OVER! HA! NEVER! BILBO IN 2007! (email@example.com)
Oh, yeah. Forgot about that. But I am not freaking out in anticipation
at all. Nope, no pre-freaking, not for me. FIFTY MINUTES?! SARUMAN! 78 MORE
ENDINGS! MORE HOBBITS SINGING! (I can only hope.)
Subject: The geek-thing
Sorry fellas but I'm not a geek, but then again I'm not cool either. Even
among misfits I'm a misfit so there it is. The secret is out.
On a Treky note though, I feel that the idea sould be placed in a mayonnaise
jar and set on Funk & Wagnall's back porch for a decade or two until there's
a new generation of talent that can breathe new life into the genre. You know
what I mean, someone who is so far removed from what is being done with it
these days that it'll be new and fresh and well, fun again. That also goes
for Lucas's Star Wars thingy. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Ah, once again, the siren song of the totally geeked -- "I'm not a
geek, I'm not a geek." You have to own it, my friend. OWN IT, I said.
Subject: Star Trek (yeah, again)
The problems listed in Subspace
are really only the symptoms of what's wrong with Trek. The real disease goes
deeper. In the '60's Gene Roddenberry took risks, not just with the skimpy
outfits, but with the scripts, with where he took the audience. Some of those
shows sucked beans, but the good ones had a touch that stayed with you. Few
people are going to say that there are not a few Twilight Zone story lines
running around in their heads, and the same goes for some of the plots from
Trek. They struck a chord and that is the real problem, the current few series
have only given us fluff with no meaning. (scifi lurker)
Wait. Are you telling me blue goop means nothing to you? Hands covering
boobs means nothing to you? Scott Bakula means nothing to you?
I just wanted to thank Jayme Lynn Blaschke for his review/ description/
commentary regarding the new I, Robot film, and also thanks to all those who
work to keep this site up.
I was really jazzed when I heard about the film, but after seeing the first
trailers, I feared the film would not follow any of Asimov's original plot
lines from the story collection. Most of the reviews state that the film is
"loosely based" on Asimov's work, which I thought sounded dubious.
Mr. Blaschke's article was the first I was able to find on the internet which
confirms my suspicions. I love Will Smith, and I dig action sci-fi movies,
so I'll probably end up seeing it after it comes out on DVD, but I'll do it
knowing what I'm getting myself into. I hope that the jist of Mr. Blaschke's
commentary makes it into the mainstream media in some form or other, so that
folks who don't know any better will realize that the film I, Robot really
doesn't have much to do with the short story collection.
Thanks again! (email@example.com)
You're welcome. On a similar note:
Subject: I, Robot: The other perspective
Sadly, it's mostly true. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, what hath you wrought?
FWIW, I think Michelle Forbes is a good actress; however, you have to be
corrected. Ensign Ro Laren was NOT a Cardassian, she was a Bajoran. Her countrywoman
was Major Kira Nyris, the second in command to Ben Sisko on DS-9. (email@example.com)
Fixed and fixed indeed. No one will ever know I made such a mistake. No
one at all... On the other hand, you have to admit that I was pretty close.
It's not like I called her a Horta.
Subject: Can you count? Do geeks care?
"...[Warner] too, are telling
fans to ram it, cram it, and also rotate it... [Warner's] 'Batman' is
five-star excellent, one of the greatest action series ever, animated or not,
and it's getting gypped just the same. They are only releasing 'Batman: The
Animated Series' in insulting 4-episode chunks. There are 85 'Batman: TAS'
episodes. That's going to take a while."
But um, I ah, own this DVD set. And um.... it has 28 EPISODES split between
the 4 DVDs. So it seems you were misinformed?
Besides.... REAL fanboys wouldn't even care if they were in 4-episode sets....
Witness the people who buy the Star Wars 2-DVD (yes I said TWO dvd) "Saga
DVD Pack" boxed set because it comes in a fancy cardboard box that "will
be collectible one day"... even though they're just going to buy the
three-dvd set when the next movie comes out.
Or all the people who have bought the theatrical versions AND the extended
versions of the first two LOTR movies, and are wearing out their ROTK theatrical
versions in anticipation of the extended edition of THAT one, and who will
ALSO go out and buy the seventeen-dvd set of extended editions when they come
out in a special box with a fancy little statue or ugly bookend or titanium
core hand etched gold coated one ring 95% scale replica or strand of hair
from Sam's feet or whatever it will be.
If even normals, who don't share the obsession/compulsion of your typical
fanboy, will fall for that (look forward to it!) without complaining, what
kind of fanboy worth his salt gets to complain about getting his feast meted
out to him in itty bitty bite sized chunks? At least they're making DVDs of
YOUR favorite shows... some of us don't even have that... (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Not misinformed at all -- that article was written before the release of
the Bat-DVDs you mention. But your noting our obsessive hoarding is accurate.
Besides, if I didn't complain, the empty shelves in my bookcase, longing to
be stocked with sci-fi DVDs, would complain themselves.
Black as Green Lantern
What a godawful filking idea. It doesn't surprise me, however... corporate
entities are all moronic in their lemming-like march to appease the lowest
common denominator -- i.e. the movie-going imbeciles that comprise the most
coveted demographic. (email@example.com)
Looks like somebody just saw "Catwoman."
Or "I, Robot."
Well, really, it could have been anything.
Subject: Jack Black as Green Lantern
As far as all of the whimpering and whining about what an abomination the
alleged Jack Black "Green Lantern" is going to be, I'll actually
believe it when it actually hits the marquee. First things first, anyone who
trusts anything that comes from Ain't I A Fat Fanboy News deserves what they
Harry Palms actually reported on the 1996 fake GL movie (the one with Mel
Gibson, Michael Dorn, and Denis Leary as Hal Jordan, John Stewart, and Guy
Gardner respectively) as a real event, and this one probably has less reality
to it than that deliberate hoax.
I guess it begs the bigger question: why the hell is anyone worried about
it in the first place? If the final product sucks as badly as everyone seems
to think it will, will it honestly stop the hundreds of fanboys who will see
it over and over again just to wank on movie boards about how bad it is? If
they're so blasted worried about it not being what they want it to be, why
don't they collect their pennies, buy the rights to make a GL film, and do
it themselves? (Oh, that's right: I keep forgetting that Cat Piss Men are
generally so cheap that they use both sides of the toilet paper. Even when
they decide to be proactive instead of starting letter-writing campaigns,
we end up with gibberish like "Dungeons & Dragons" instead of
anything that might be of interest to diehard fans AND interested bystanders.)
Sorry if this seems a bit harsh, but I've had a good two dozen people e-mail
me this "news" in the last week, and I'm actually GLAD to say "I
honestly don't care." You don't know how nice it is to be able to say
"Jeezus, don't you have anything better to do with your life than worry
about crap skiffy and superhero movies?" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
I'm beginning to care very much about your not caring.
You are so on point with your review of MAD MAD House, it should have aired
on day time TV right after Ricki Lake. The guests seemed hand picked parodies
of our culture's darkest nightmares:
1. The 'lame ass', dumb as a pile of nails' good ole boy
2. The psycho-neurotic/border line religious fanatic fatty
3. The manipulative sex slave/dependent exotic dancer
4. Spoiled, beautiful, rich attention addict
5. Middle American moma
6. Value/Identity Conflicted American Black
7. All American Nordic goof-off with a conscience, and saddest
8. The odd man out with a scar
Is is just me or have we seen the ex-dancer on Jane Schmo, and the rich girl
has been on several shows... nothing too 'Reality' about any of those shows.
Good job with the 8 categories. I see you've met the RevolutionSF staff?
Subject: Zombie movies
Which of the new "modern" zombie movies are more worth my money?
28 Days Later
or Dawn of the
Dead (2004)? Bear in mind that I already own all the classic Romero films,
and love em to pieces. (email@example.com)
Go with "28 Days Later," if you're of a more refined taste in
creeping undead. It's more subtle, and much creepier. But if you just want to
see people get their brains eaten, just come by my house on Fridays.