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RevolutionSF Newsblast Archives : Chewbacca Dies, Wookiee Fans Prepare Nutsack Whompings
Revolution News
© Joe Crowe

Newsblast Archive Dateline: October 18, 1999

The Star Wars novel: Vector Prime.

The perpetrator: R.A. Salvatore.

Chewie dies. As in Chewbacca. You know, the awesome one.

The book is set a couple of decades after the end of Return of the Jedi. Nearly every post-Jedi Star Wars book has dealt with remnants of the Empire, clones of the Emperor, a brand new Empire, or somebody who read about the Empire and thought it was pretty cool.

To get past that, Salvatore introduces a new threat, which comes from a galaxy even further, further away.

To show that this book series means business, Chewbacca will croak. Go toes-up. Assume room temperature. This is decidedly not cool.

In Phantom Menace, there is a full half-second of Wookiees, that you won't catch unless your skill with the pause button is nigh unto the gods themselves.

Before you say, "it's the novels so they don't count." That's the Star Trek excuse. In Star Wars they count.

The Lucasfilm folk puts the holy writ of approval on every word. Even the words that say "Chewie dies." The same brains that wrote "Jar Jar gets tongue stuck in podracer engine."

Here's an idea. Why not C-3P0?

He's wanted to die and expected to die since he first waddled onto the screen. Give him what he wants.

Maybe Chewie's son Lumpy from The Star Wars Holiday Special will appear, and stake his spot in the mythos by becoming a righteous adventurer, seeking out the killer of Chewie and being awesome.

But that would be crazy. Lucas wouldn't approve that. You know, we get mail at the ranch from readers who tell us to ease up on our Mr. Lucas. We'd be happy to, as soon as he eases up on us! Give us a break. We're looking for it, if we may quote Nell Carter.

If you need me, I'll be over here at my desk. Stewing.

Don't get Joe Crowe started about the lack of a medal for Chewie at the end of the first Star Wars.

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