My name is Joe, and I slog through your e-mailed contest entries to pick out winners to our contests here on the site. Sometimes I get letters during the contests, asking rule questions. I try not to take up valuable contest winner-listing space with rules lawyering. Thus, a separate article that's just plumb full of it!

Read on, gentle one. Perhaps you may glean some nugget of knowledge about The Way.

Now, this is not to say that all your contest entries are bursts of profane ignorance. Some of you play great. Some of you play pretty good. But enough mollycoddling.

"But Joe," you say, "I never play or read the RevolutionSF contests. I don't know why I even clicked on this particular article in the first place."

What do you mean, you don't play or read the contests? You could always go to some other sci-fi site where all they make you do is read. Everyone: Ostracize him and/or her at once!

Sci-Ku
No one seems to have a problem with the concept of this one. This is a surprise to me, but I will graciously pretend that it isn't.

I give you a topic. The first line 5 syllables, the second line 7 syllables, the third line 5. Extra credit if you can make each line independent and not just string out a big long sentence. Easy like Sunday morning.

Funny List
It's right there in the title, and that's all you gotta do. Of course, "funny" is in the eye of the beholder, much like beauty to those pig people on "Twilight Zone."

I often get questions asking "How many people sent in [Insert most seemingly obvious entry here]?" A lot of the time that person is the first. If the obvious answer is funny, then whoever sent it in first will get in.
Everybody else will have to run laps.

Sci-Fi Theorizer
This contest is designed to provide interesting and/or amusing answers to continuity questions, errors, or odd circumstances regarding sci-fi characters and stories. Some of the topics so far dealt with are questions burning in sci-fi fandom like Klingons' head ridges, Clark Kent's glasses, and Batman and Robin.

The most common response I ever get to questions in this contest is "Bad writing" or "lazy writers." I'd like to put the proverbial kibosh on that here. The goal of this contest is for you to explain the unanswered question in the context of the characters or the show, or with sci-fi-ish pseudo-science, or any other way, really.

But not "bad writing," because the reason for the contest in the first place is because of "bad writing" or "lazy writers." Using those as contest entries is like telling a policeman who pulled you over, "The reason I was speeding, pig, was because I pressed my foot on the gas pedal."

Six Degrees
This is the contest most people have questions about. This, despite the fact that it's the only contest where the answers are quickly available on IMDB.com, or elsewhere on the net. It's like an open-browser test.

The bottom line for this contest is as follows: If an actor acted in it, it counts. If you have a question about whether it counts, refer back to that. This includes movies, TV, and cartoon voices, but excludes talk show guests.

Six degrees contests elsewhere are more narrowly focused, but I want to challenge your triviatic talent, not eliminate half of all entries off the top because they didn't do it "right."

Well, except for these few things:

No directors, because they oversee whole movies full to busting with actors that you could use. It's too easy -- and nobody wants one of these to be too easy. I might let other tech people slide, but I'd rather see you link actors than best boys. No family links, but of course, if they act together in something that's fine.

Theme answers just ain't what I'm looking for, Skippy. So no "Both the Pianist and Buckaroo Banzai play the piano." or "both Buffy and Buck Rogers' names start with B."

I know you're using IMDB or other sites to find your answers. That's right, YOU out there, in the blue shirt. If you got the answer off the top of your head and could prove it via notary public, I would give you more points. But that's too much trouble. So it's up to you to be creative and not just type the first link you found, since probably everybody else found that one, too.

A final thought: Winning or placing in a RevolutionSF contest is not the most important thing you can do in your life. But it easily could be, if you try hard enough.

Thanks for playing! Now get back to work.