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Subspace: Beuuurrrkk!
Hosted by Joe Crowe, August 22, 2002

My name is Joe Crowe. All generalizations are bad! One of these days I am going to stop procrastinating.

First up: some older business. Author Peter Padraic O’ Sullivan updated me on the after-effects of his Harlan and Hypoglycemia article.

"The response I've gotten from it has been great as well -- including an offer from Ellison to sign those two books I mentioned!"

WOW! Which just goes to show you ­ write something for RevSF and the world is your sugar daddy.

Then, I got another letter from Virginia Baker from Unpleasant Dreams. Elvira’s official website now has pictures of the guy I ran into at DragonCon. It’s www.Elvira.com, then go to Fun House / Elviracana / Look-a-Likes.

A Little Section About Lord of the Rings: The Novelization Part 2

We posted another couple of chapters from Lord of the Rings: The Novelization. The public outcry was not as huge as when the first two chapters were posted.

Is it possible, perhaps, that a chunk of fandom has taken to heart the expression "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"? Or maybe Alan Kevin J.M. Salvatore-Foster-Stevens just doesn’t have "it" anymore. That possibility kind of bums me out.

Subject: this "novelisation"

Pathetic (anonymous)

Subject: The Lord of the Rings: The Novelization: Part II

Sweet God, I hope this isn't true. I've read fanfics better than this. (viewaskew33@aol.com)

Subject: Lord of the Rings "novelization"

I can't even put into words the crap that I read as I started going through the novelization of Lord of the Rings. I'm not even going to put the complaints here cause they far too many. Tolkien would have been ashamed that his greatest work was turned into worthless crap. (camcheline@hotmail.com)

Subject: Novelization

I read and loved it! Great stuff with plenty of extra unnecessary detail! This is the perfect edition imho for today's modern fantasy reader. Written in the true spirit of R.A. Salvatore, Terry Brooks, and Robert Jordan. Hacks rule.

Keep it up... and I still can't believe that there were people out there who took it seriously (ok... maybe I CAN believe it...) (stephenbulla@hotmail.com)

Subject: Novelization

Hi Joe (and Alan Kevin, too)!

I have perused the dreadful pages of Part Two. I'll certainly pass the news on (by an e-pigeon, of course).

I was surprised by the difference in tone: the first part was actually so close to _actual_ horrors of that kind (the third kind, probably; I'm sure book novelisation is an alien-induced concept - it could never occur to a human being), that I know many people who believed it was in earnest.

Not so for Part Two, which has shaken off all pretence of subtlety, and sounds almost Swiftean in its satirical eloquence.

This was not quite what I expected - but then, THAT's what's good about it. And, after all, I didn't really expect anything.

The result is enjoyable. Thank you (both)! (baryahalom@yahoo.com)

Subject: It's a joke

Beuuurrrkk! What a bad and big joke is that??? (vive_les_courgettes@hotmail.com)

WHOO-HOO! Like a bat out of hell, I’ll be gone when the morning comes!

A Little Section About Other Stuff

Subject: New Season of "24"

Unfortunately, after seeing the first two episodes of 24, I missed several but was bound and determined to watch them in order. I refused to watch another until this was possible. I thought I would have to wait until September 1st (when all 24 episodes will be aired in a row in one 24 hour period on FX) but through the magic of the internet, I just completed my quest and finished watching the last episode.

I fell in love with the show. I could hardly keep my eyes open after watching 13 straight episodes but my mind was racing for more. Eventually the need for sleep took over and the last 9hrs had to wait until today. Except for my body being tired, I would never have known that so many hours had ticked away. The format is truly amazing (especially when watched continuously) and I am glad to see the format will not change next season.

I just read an article on this site about 24 in hopes of finding any info on "when" the next season will take place. I know the popular response these days when someone makes a joke in a chat room is to reply with "lol".... well, I have to say that I was really laughing out loud when I came to the end of the paragraph and read the author’s take on what may happen... "I think it should take place IMMEDIATELY after the conclusion of this one. First words in the first episode from Kiefer Sutherland should be "Aw, DAMN..."

Or the first eight hours of the season should just be him sleeping." (LOL) (ducksditch@yahoo.com)

That author is me, and much thanks for the LOL! 24 really is very good. If you’ve got the guts or the caffeine, try to watch the whole thing on September 1. It’ll be good to you.

Subject: Lucas-isms

Democracy? At the Skywalker Ranch? HA HA HA HA....you're fired! (decimal.dust@pi.co.uk)

Ah... that’s good stuff.

Subject: Mothman Prophecies Funny List

Whoa, I just saw that movie for the first time today! And then I saw this list topic. Must be higher powers at work. (That movie sucked, by the way.) (deepsix@ku.edu)

And the list wasn’t that great either! I blame the Mothman. Whoever selects the entries for The Funny List is an idiot.

Wait a minute! I select Funny List entries! How dare I talk about me like that?!

Subject: signs

It was a pleasure to read your review of Signs (after I saw it to avoid spoilers),

Interruption from Joe: If Signs spoilers are something you don’t want, skip this letter.

and not see your usual negativity and cynicism. I know a lot of people were let down by the new Star Wars movies, buy you guys are seriously acting like it's the end of the world. I admit they don't have that same "sparkle" that the original does, but they're still pretty fun.

As for Signs, I haven't been so terrified in ages. I was about to have a heart attack during the whole last act of the movie. Very Night of the Living Dead-esque, but for some reason more plausible (yeah I know, aliens versus zombies, whatever). I know I've read some criticisms of the girl's water tic, but I think it fits in with the symbolism of the film. All the things were organic or spiritual in nature. Life (on Earth) is of course not possible without water, and the bat was wooden, not aluminum, and symbolic of nature again. I also got a "Breath of God" vibe from two scenes. The first when Graham was holding his son forcing him to breath with his respiration rate to work thru the asthma attack. And then of course when his lungs were shut off to keep the poison out and then the shot reopened his system.

I'm not a very spiritual person, but I loved this movie and its message of faith.

As for Shyamalan's performance, I assume you're referring to the scene outside his house where he's telling Graham about the critter in his pantry. I noticed he seemed a little emotionless, but I chalked that up to having a filking critter from outer space in his pantry!

Cheers (pornid@yahoo.com)

Negativity and cynicism? Us? We like lots of things! Except the things we don’t. I totally dug Signs. What you said, re: the suspense. I would say that I am a spiritual person, and I liked the message of faith also.

I read somewhere that people were ticked off because of the water. SO not the point, people.

The newest news about Invader Zim is that it’s in a new animation block on Nick on Sunday afternoon. However, we got a burst of Zim e-mail from several people, the general tone of which is captured here:

Subject: Zim go byebye?? NOOO!!!!

Whats Nicks problem?! I mean, whats wrong with ZIM?! HUH?! (bigobossman@yahoo.com)

Subject: mocking mags

Spoof anything that's right wing. (neemonic@memcircs.org)

Both wings deserve it, and we’ll get to them, eventually.

Subject: Final Fantasy

Final Fantasy X is the best FF and quite possibly the best game of all time. I kind of wish the FF movie was like this.

In fact, here are things that would have made The Spirits Within much better:

1) The symbolism is fascinating, but some of the Western elements ruin it a tad. I blame the script writers, not the director Hironobu Sakaguchi, because he knows storytelling.

2) It should have been more fantasy-like. Grey: "Guns? Ha! Time to go to work, guys." [pulls out two swords and performs Omnislash]


3) A few small references to the games wouldn't have hurt. Just something to amuse the fans.

Like for example, Characters from FFVII and VIII make minor cameos.

4) Moogles. Enough said. (wolvie110@hotmail.com)

I think they were doing that movie more for Donald Sutherland fandom, instead of game fans. You know who you are. You watch "A Dry White Season" and "Puppet Masters" over and over again. I call you "Sutherlandroids."

Subject: scarab

Thank you thank you for finally covering Kabuki. I've only been bugging you to do so for over a year. Is the Scarab TPB out yet, anyone know? Also, do I take it from the review that you think May's artwork is better than Mack's? If so, I must object. (nohx1013@netscape.net)

Talk that smack to Comics Editor Kenn. I’ll put him in a full nelson for you.

Subject: web-slingin' good

Hey hey hey, thumbs up action...great Spidy artwork! (kurkzhare@aol.com)

That was me in the suit. Tobey, Shmobey.

Subject: A Playful Palindrome

Alan Alda stops race car, spots ad: Lana, L.A.

Just ignore the punctuation. (viewaskew33@aol.com)

Thanks for sending that. Taht gnidnes... crap. I suck at palindromes.

Subject: Freddy vs. Jason movie

Wow! Did you just figure out, like NOW, that the movie was confirmed? It was reported, like, over a year ago. Why the hold-up? (ihtgwsm@hotmail.com)

F vs. J has been confirmed and unconfirmed, started and stopped for years and years and years. So you might understand my hesitation to talk about it for the 700th time, until something real and official came down from the movie studio. I personally didn’t think they would ever suck it up and do the movie. This latest time seems to be the real deal. But if something monkey-wrenches up the movie again -- I told you so.

Subject: WHAT!!!!!!

You have GOT to be kidding me. Top 50? HAH! WHERE THE HELL IS MARVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MARVIN THE MARTIAN SHOULD AT LEAST BE IN THE TOP TEN! (bob@bob.bob)

Indeed. And his dog!

Subject: where have all the chuckles gone?

That Virginia Baker should chill out, sheesh! I know she's entitled to her opinion but me doth think she protests too much over something so insignificant. (lilsnak@aol.com)

I learned from Ms. Baker this fact: the size and shape of one’s Adam’s apple is of great importance to one’s success in the female impersonation business. So by making my offhanded crack about it, I unintentionally criticized the tools of the impersonator’s trade. It’d be like saying a dancer had fat legs.

You get quite an education here in Subspace. All for free.

Subject: ...

Elvira is hot.

When she doesn't have a penis, that is.

Actually, the same thing happened to me as happened to JC at a Medieval festival two years ago, only it was a male Xena impersonator. Very authentic looking. Left me scarred for life.

Mad propz, sympathiez, AZN pride. (imadharmabum@hotmail.com)

My lesson has been learned. Moving on...

Subject: Mallrats Review

"Mallrats gets a bad rap, not only from Smith fans, but from Smith himself -- he apologized for it in the credits of Chasing Amy." No, no, no you idiots. What he said exactly in the extra special thanks part of the credits was:

"To the critics who hated Mallrats: All is forgiven."

Smith? Apologize? HAH! Apologies are for the weak and the guys who made Highlander 2 (speaking of which: Apology unaccepted.). (wolvie110@hotmail.com)

At the time I wrote that, it had been more than THREE HOURS since I last saw Chasing Amy. All I can do is genuflect. Will my torment never cease?

Subject: New Series

Steven Bochco (the guy who gave us NYPD Blue) is now working on a new series for FOX (the network that gave us When Sofas Attack). His idea: Cops working the beat in a big city in the year 2069. Yep, but he says: "This is not science fiction. This is trying to conceptualize a relatively near-term future that's logically a function of the world we know today."

OK. Weelll, that means they have to figure out something to call conceptualizing a relatively near term future--without referring to it as Science Fiction. (?) I have a few thoughts on what they could call it, but I doubt they would like any of them very much. Any ideas? (alark2000@yahoo.com)

And this from the guy who gave us the musical TV series Cop Rock! What was that, Bochco? Did he ever say "This is not a musical. This is trying to conceptualize every character on the show constantly bursting into song and dance."

Subject: you mean, you got to talk with Jhonen Vasquez???

Hi, I'm Jordanne, or uh, Nyt, as some call me... my last name is of no importance... never the less... I visited your site, well, on randomness, ok... so I wanted to see if I could find a real picture of m'lord Jhonen, that wasn't one of his awesome self portraits... anyway... I'm not an obsessed (dirty) fan... I just really respect Jhonen for his work and the fact that it is so different from anything else I've seen... he seems nice and very tolerant from the conversation that you had, more so than I would be... for this I respect him too... it's not too often you find a compassionate creator... esp. one of his expertise... ok, so I'm done saying how great he is... any-who... just wondering if you were gonna have another chat with him soon, that I could (even) just sit and read... I do a lot of zim drawings, and am getting better, though I'm not great... and would just love to even say hi to the man... I'm sure he gets a lot of that... I'm not a desperate fan, like I said, but I too, have been drawing since i could hold a crayon, and it would be nice to meet an inspiration... Thanks for your time... I know you could be doing better things than "listen" to my babble, so I've said what i wanted to... Thank you again... uh... whoever you are... (invadernyt@hotmail.com)

Did everyone know that Jhonen Vasquez is going to be at DragonCon, in Atlanta, GA, NEXT WEEKEND, August 30- September 1? Well, you do now. We might see him there. And so could you. If you were there, that is.

RevolutionSF News Editor and Humor Editor does not have Jhonen Vasquez’s phone number.

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