What's The Deal With... Chewbacca Not Getting A Medal In The Ceremony At The End of Star Wars?

Wait a minuet, he didn't? Are you sure about that? I seem to remember that he did. (anonymous)

Your human memory is fallible, and thus, incorrect. The Theorizer's computer brain is perfect and beautiful, and not prone to such error. Let us continue.

No shirt, no shoes, no service. (spcmnspiff11@hotmail.com)

Velcro hadn't been invented so there was no way to pin it on his, um, fur, and he wasn't into medal pin nipple piercing. (neemonic@bellsouth.net)

You've seen how Wookies act when they lose at chess? Imagine that, but on a larger degree, for receiving a medal... (derekbw@hotmail.com)

Medals are a form of clothing, which Wookies regard as an impediment to their hormonally-charged lifestyles. (ciaran_conliffe@hotmail.com)

Leia's just too short.. And has too much dignity to use a footstool. (arc_highbeam@yahoo.com)

The Wookie Smell Theory:

OK, did anyone ever see Chewy bathe once throughout the entire trilogy?? I mean, all that fur who KNOWS what was crawling in there and I'm sure he smelled like a sewer. Who would want to get close enough to THAT to hang a medal around his neck. (scribbler@angelfire.com)

It's the odor, pure and simple. That thick, musky Wookie scent can be overwhelming even on good days, but after spending a few tense moments in a garbage compactor? Yowza. Han's used to it by now, but the other characters hadn't had a chance to get accustomed yet. Leia actually had a medal for Chewie at the big ceremonial to-do, but when he walked up those stairs and she caught a whiff of that sweaty, furry critter, she thought, "Hoo-boy, that's rank. I ain't goin' there. He can just pick it up later during the cake-and-punch reception." And so it went. And to think history could have been forever changed had Chewie bothered to take a damn shower. Wait a minute... wet Wookies smell even worse. Never mind. (findlayboy@yahoo.com)

The near-blasphemous He Didn't Deserve It Theory:

I must ask this: Did he actually DO anything during that battle, or was he just doing his hairy sidekick thing? I rewatched the battle just to make sure and from the time Han rode in with the sun behind him (aerial dogfight tactics in space?) to the "Great shot kid!" bit I didn't hear grank one out of him! At best, he tipped the guilt scales that made Han come back and save Luke's Hiney, but if they gave medals for guilting, my mother's spine would have snapped from the weight of them by now! (mattara@rocketmail.com)

He didn't really DO anything. Luke blew it up, Han saved Luke, but Chewbacca was there for the ride. Sure, Chewie talked Han into going back, but how many people speak Wookie? Han could have said anything he wanted, like "Chewie said to keep going, but I said no", and Chewbacca couldn't stop him, because besides C3PO and Han, who speaks Wookie? (viewaskew33@aol.com)

The top three independent theories:

The Rebels were afraid that Chewie would think it was a dog collar, and everyone knows it's not wise to upset a Wookie. (kentercar@aol.com)

I don't know, Princess Leia looked kind disheveled and distracted at the end. I think good ol' Chewie got his "reward." (kingfisher61@cs.com)

What, the really nice flea dip wasn't enough?? (leissuit@aol.com)

The Theorizer's calculations have computed that this is the most likely theory:

Racism! Did you ever see Chewbacca get Leia? NO! Leia obviously dug Chewie over that Han guy or -- yuck -- her brother. Nope -- racism pure and simple. Furry Rights!!!! (nezumi@asia.com)

The Empire's tolerance and anti-racism campaign hadn't gotten to Yavin. That's why the Death Star was coming, you morons! (c_calthrop@hotmail.com)

Who doesn't have any good lines in the Star Wars movies? The Wookie!
Who doesn't get a medal at the end of Star Wars Episode Four? The Wookie!
Who's the first original character to get killed off in the novelizations? The Wookie!
The hairless beings have been keeping the Wookie people down for years! It's plain old epidermalism, I tell you!

We gotta take our rights back, by any means necessary!

FUR POWER! FUR POWER! FUR POWER! (themacrocosm@sympatico.ca)